So today is day fifteen of changing my eating and starting my exercise program.

I go hard.

I’m a type A personality so its inevitable that with everything I do in life I give my all.

I hate to half step.

That being said by now I would have said I have been doing so well I need a reward. And eaten a pan of macaroni and cheese, baked. Hey I can’t help myself. I have always loved food so I sat under all the cooks in the houses I have lived in to learn recipes, from Dominican to soul food. My Trinidadian ex made sure my food replicated his mothers, so yeah I cooks. My baked macaroni will look as good as it tastes. I love food. It is what it is.

I had to learn how to cook. I don’t really like restaurant food too much. I have spent the majority of the fifteen years I have dated in relationships so everyone knows the way to man’s heart. His stomach. Like I said I go hard in everything I do.

So here I am day fifteen and needing a treat.

I am reprogramming myself to not associate food with a treat. Food is to ingest to provide nutrients to my body so that I can have the energy and fuel to move and live. Food is not my treat.

It is energy for life.

So I want to treat myself. I decided to polish my nails create this aesthetic. I am a lady. I was nearly beat into ladyhood as a child. My mother was going to beat all the tomboy out of me that had me losing barrettes that matched my underwear and socks and t-shirts along with the ribbons on my shoulder length ponytails. The tomboy behavior that had me jumping logs with the boys and breaking my foot along the way.

I polish my nails in preparation. I am investing in me. I got myself a ring to reward me for my progress. I want to make sure it sits on a manicured hand. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love thrifting. It is so much fun to find a blouse that someone literally spent hundreds on, for all of two dollars. Is that Christian Dior iSpy? Oh yeah. Ampersand winning. Slacks for three dollars, and always able to find the best sale on the shoes that will carry out the picture I have envisioned. I am thankful. So how can I treat myself if I am not going to use food and not going to use clothes?

Jewelry and perfume.

Ahhh. Smelling as good as I see this exercise making me look. Timeless pieces that go with the look. I think I’ve found a solution.

See if I get into this mindset of thinking food is a treat then I will think that the food I am eating now is not part of a lifestyle just something to do to get to a certain goal. Once I achieve that goal it will be so much more difficult to stay at that place because my eating has not changed in my mind. This has to be a lifestyle change in order for it to last.

If I treat myself now for losing a couple of inches and a few pounds when I get to my destination I will do the same thing and allow all my hard work to eventually go down the drain. Don’t be fooled. You can’t out exercise a bad diet. Abs are made in the kitchen and all that good stuff.

So yeah. Here is to making some good choices. I can treat myself and not my old addictive behaviors to keep in line with my goals. It just calls for me to be more creative.

I made almond butter protein cookies. One cookie had fifty calories four carbs, three and a half grams of protein and three grams of fat. Yeah. There are options. I just have to make better ones. So here’s to one day at a time. I am a recovering fat girl, and I love to eat. Now I have just learned how to eat better in a way that is conducive to a long life full of health. In the words of my seventy nine year old grandfather that still works twelve hour days sometimes five to six times a week just because he like me is a type A personality that needs to be doing something at all times, eat to Live not Live to eat. Being healthy is the only way that he can keep going, and i plan to go as far as God will allow me. Since that means eating in a way that will bring life to my body not death I do it. I am pleased and I persist. I just get a few little trinkets along the way to show my appreciation for my dedication.

 fat girl


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