Yesterday started as most days do.
A praise on my lips. Thank you Lord. For being so awesome etc etc etc.
He’s given me these words to describe so much in life. He gave them to me. He knew who I would be. He created me this way. He knew I would give him all the credit. See I was smart enough to be accepted into Lane Tech as a teenager, but I left that to get a book in the mail every other week and we called that home school. Even though I spent more time at my BFF’s house copying her brothers tests to mail out. I never learned the logistics behind writing and grammar. Words are my strength. They are my gift. They can kill or they can bring life. Now I am learning that whatever I speak to another can become like a double edged sword as I in times past would undergo the very thing I said they would. So I try my best to bless these days. Its not an easy task to undertake. People take you there, but this is not my battle. I have an army fighting for me. They been rooting for me. I guess it is easy to avoid darkness if you have been in light and you have known where to find light, but I was raised in darkness. Was AFRAID to go into a church the way I was raised, so I had no way to get to my Lord. A fight out of darkness is a serious battle when you have no one around you that is already in the light. I guess He knew. That’s why He made me a fighter. A champion mindset. Like David I had to slay many Goliaths. So I will go for broke but get the win for what He has said is mine. Try me.
So. I wake up with a praise on my lips. I begin singing to the top of my lungs not caring who hears, who is awake and who is asleep. “If there is one thing I can rest assure. Things are working for my good. So I stand and sing in this authority. Don’t know when you’ll come. Don’t know how You’ll come, but I know You’ll come, cause You always hear me.”
A song written by Valencia Lacy. She just so happens to be the worship leader at the church I attend. New Life Covenant Southeast, in Chicago IL.
He always hears me.
I used to think it coincidence when I would get almost all the things I wanted. I would tell my friends if I didn’t get it I must not have wanted it bad enough. I mean something so simple as a piece of apple pie. I don’t even like sweets but this week I had been saying to myself I really wanted a piece. When I come home a whole pie is on the table, and has never been in the house before. Okay. Maybe that’s a coincidence. Let me try something bigger. I don’t want to take this two and a half hour trip from Niles, IL to Ashland and 58th. I don’t do the south side and here I am all the way over here for a season. A co-worker begins to take me all the way home even though they live right there on Touhy a couple of miles from the job. Okay. Secret desires of my heart? So Lord. You know I’m tired. I don’t want to get on the bus anymore. Conversation: G: Go out in the garage and take a look at the car out there and see if you like it. Me: A what? G: A car. Me: How much do you want for it? G: *Crazy look* *shakes head* Nothing. Me: *Looking down at the title, the paid registration, and car keys in my hand* *tears*.
All those just last year, months after giving Him my life and making the fight to change my life and not hold onto the things I knew were not for me to keep. I had to make some big sacrifices. But I learned to count everything else I lost as rubbish for the fact that I gained Christ.
Thank You LORD!!
He always hears me.
I could have taken the fast track to success early. At seventeen working because school at home is boring for a people loving person like myself, in an unfamiliar town I stand out. Maybe it was the four inch heels I was wearing, fully applied eye and lip make-up standing in the high end of Filene’s Basement. Or maybe as my Pastor always says, it was the oil. The Vice president of Bank of Boston, soon to be Bank of America gave me his card loving my customer service skills telling me he had a position as his PERSONAL ASSISTANT if I was interested.
How personal would I have to assist, is all I could think. So I thanked him, put the card in my pocket and held onto it for a keepsake for a time, knowing I would never use it.
See money was never the motivator. In 1998 I was depositing over 1400 dollars in a bank account every month. I was a teenager. I paid no bills but my cell phone and pager. It was nothing to me. But I could hear that warning in my head. I chose to listen.
Lupe Fiasco said, what constitutes a prostitute is the pursuit of profit. So in a relationship where money is the motivator I would have been a high profiled call girl. He would call me into his office, yeah no. I was still holding onto my priceless jewels. My V card had not been activated, and was in no place ready to start spending and charging what belonged to my husband. That was the mindset. I needed no one but God. I knew bible. I just didn’t know my God the way I do now.
Fast forward. I went the places He sent me. A preschool teacher for homeless children? Well Lord I never wanted to be a preschool teacher. I want to be a professor, you gave me this brain to use. And you mean to tell me these children that have witnessed more violence in their young lives than some witness their whole lives would turn on me and now I’m on the sidewalk in a wrestling move to keep a seventy five pound kid from hurting me and the rest of the staff/children. SMH. This is a bit much, but to whom much is given… Ok. My stepping stone? Ok. I do it. I change lives. I love people. One of my students would not come into the classroom until I arrived, her mother looking flustered and thankful that I finally arrived. I was never early. One of my other toddler students who could not rest with any of the other teachers would always fall asleep under my care. His mother just informed me a couple of weeks ago at the age of ten he got the highest scores on all his MCAS. Word! Love to love just to love, because my Father in heaven taught me/ is teaching me still how to love, and love is what opens people up for success.
Ok. Lord now you’re sending me back to Chicago? What, do real dirty work? CNA? Huh? Who you talking to? Radiance? Shine bright like a diamond? *Tilts head* Okay Lord your will be done. That was always the prayer. Let Your will be done. Not mine. How can I know whta is best for me when I don’t even truly know my self? I don’t need to have something that is not for me, and all the hell that will eventually break through as a result of holding onto something God has not designated for me. I know. Firsthand.
So I wait. I am patient. Two years ago I wanted my daughter in one preschool.. The only one for us. They said there were no spaces. Well thank God, with her biting, and fighting she would have been kicked out. We had to get her delivered from her father’s behavior before she could go anywhere civilized. Now she is the sweetest child, and guess what? A slot has been opened for my baby. An appointment for her physical is within days. God just opened the door because we prepared and we listened to Him. She is ready.
I think about ‘winning’. Is winning holding onto something that God has not designed nor created for you? Trust me. Queens get moved like Vashti and Hadassahs turned Esthers get put in place when God is the God that always wins. There is nothing too big for Him. He is the author and finisher of our faith. Yes chile. I believe. I believe what He shows me, what He tells me, and how He has moved in my life. I have watched my whole life unravel holding onto someone that was not meant for me, and had a bigger purpose on his life. A whole year down the drain, and since I couldnt learn what I needed to learn from him, I had to repeat the class. I passed the next time. It was hard. But I did.
So here I am. EHHHHH I aint worried bout nothin’. Words are just that until you have God bring them to life. He is the life giver. He makes seeds grow. So I have learned to make sure that I ask Him what He wants me to do with whatever I have so that I can make sure I am giving honor to Him by doing the right thing by what He gives me. Everything I touch isn’t mine. I have been used to help prepare many people for their next leg of life, so I listen. Some of the time, I guess enough of the time. I guess that is pretty valuable to him.
Obedience is better than sacrifice.
So if there is one thing I can rest assure….
Yep. Just. Like. That!