The only thing that can stop me in my tracks is God.
I keep my eyes focused on Him, because that has been the recommendation.
It is only through Him I find my measures of success. This work He has started in me will be completed.
I see the obstacles I have had to fight through. The people I still love but were not meant to walk with me in the journey I am on. My mother once told me every journey is not meant for everybody. I would let any one in my life know that, I don’t need to hang on to something that is not for me. If you are not for me please move out of the way so that God can place who He has for me in my life.
Thanks. I pray we learn from each other everything we were supposed to learn, still love and enjoy whatever laughs we shared together. I can assure you if you have ever been in my inner circle you have shared a laugh with me or at me. I am silly. I always have been. I can’t help myself. Now that’s one thing that won’t change.
That way with words, yo.
So. On journeys.
My trip to the track alone I have to pass all the D-boys that think I may be their age. No my friends. I am old enough to be some of your mothers so I speak. I keep it moving. I am never rude. Just because their lifestyle is different from mine does not mean I shun them. It may be my light in the midst of their darkness that may make them want to inquire about what keeps me going. I may be used to drop a seed in their direction. See God gives seed to the sower. I plant He makes it grow. I only do my job. Plant and nurture with the love that he shows me how to love all with. All. yes that might include the drug dealer on the corner. My prayer is that is not his final standing post, and one day He finds a post with the Lord. But that’s that.
I get to the track and sometimes have to ask the unsolicited watchers if they are enjoying watching the game I know they are not paying any attention to. When the honesty comes out that they are watching me I am bold. I don’t feel comfortable with that. Please don’t. They leave. Thank you Lord.
I am giving my daughter her time in the playground as I finish my workout. Four miles on the track with me on her bike means she can be on the swings as I run the fifth of a mile around her play area and push her everytime I pass her again. A man. Colt 45 in hand wants to sit across from her area while I run. I stop. I look at him hand on hip like oh no you won’t. Not today. He looks behind himself like I can’t be looking at him like that and laughs. Yes, I have always been a joke to the enemy. Anything he can do to get me to be intimidated by his tactics. Well not today buddy. God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power. I walk into my authority by having sound mind to pull out my phone to call 311. In the two minutes I am trying to figure out the system by the time I look up in his direction he is on his way across the street.
That’s right. My little sidebar with my Father gave me the boost I needed, but as Jesus often used the word to combat our great enemy that’s what I begin to use as my model. I mean that’s what the word is right? A model of how to find similarities of the accounts in the obstacles we face day to day so that we learn from the victories and mistakes of the accounts given us.
I want Victory.
I will wait on my Victor while walking into my Victory!
Its funny how Pastor preached on our names being of significance. My mother’s plan was to name me Raven, until she heard my aunt speaking of Radiance. It hit her. That was to be my name. In Hebrew the name that is translated Radiance is Ziv. It also means brilliance or light of God.
My prayers are constantly filled with more of you my God, my Father, my Creator. Less of me. So that everyone that sees me will see Him. I want His glory to emanate from my pores. So forget the makeup. I am going natural these days, after thirteen years of allowing smoke to fill my lungs now one and a half year free of the toxic buildup, additives and toxins I almost don’t recognize myself when I look in a mirror.
The light of God has come through to sweep all that is not like Him out. Of course it is not all out. I will always have some thorns in my flesh but that won’t stop me from planting the seeds God gives me. That won’t stop me from singing songs I make up for him throughout the house. That won’t stop me from raising my arms in praise mid run around the track.
I will bless the Lord at all times. I will try my best to anyway. I will fall down, but I will not stay. I will get back up. I have tasted the victorious taste of deliverance. Smoke blown all in my face and I still said no. No thank you to be exact. Yes, the one thing I thought I would never overcome no longer controls my flesh. “I owe my flesh nothing anyway.”
He works miracles so great! I don’t strive for anything for my glory anymore. I try not to anyway. A simple yes allowed me to be used. I am storing up treasures in heaven, forget the dough I used to love more than I could know. Now I gotta keep seeking first the kingdom. I know he will not leave me nor forsake me. He has shown and proven true to be my source and my provider.
See the bulging disc in my back was supposed to stop me from this walk. The extra strain on my body that causes pain to come out of nowhere is supposed to stop me in my tracks. Whose report will I believe though? I believe God.
So I walk in boldness. I walk in understanding. Who am I? Why the King’s kid of course. My mother named me Radiance. So everything I do now is for his glory. I am not ashamed of my past because I am a new creature in Christ. I use it as a reminder that I NEED God with every fiber of my being. I will not hide from it although I have shut it away. Lock the gates, because I pray I won’t go there anymore, but I get it.
The people it is easy for me to love have lived lives that many would shun and turn them away for. The depth of the secrets are sometimes too heavy to carry. I love and show love anyway.
I know my Savior’s willingness to come for me in my mess. Showing the grace and mercy that the Father extends to us. In the beginning in the very beginning he knew that the inclination of our hearts was bent on bad deeds and evil intent. He loves us anyway. He made a way out of no way for us anyway.
So yes. I walk in boldness. Constantly reminded that I am who the Great I AM says I am. If that be Radiance. If that be boldness. If that be favor. If that be known in far lands. If that be a confidant to the D boy, speaking life to him when every one else considers him a lost cause, then whatever. There is no fear. There is authority. I speak against what makes me uncomfortable and what is unacceptable. They appreciate my candor. I am blunt, even if they can’t smoke me, or get an edge on me. I am real. Really really real. They show me respect. I mean people really only treat you how you allow them to right? Or better yet, how you show them to treat you according to what you accept and how you treat yourself.
There are no obstacles. There are only hurdles. I may fall down, but with time and persistence do I not only get up but gain enough strength to jump the hurdles.