You ever notice how when someone has been talking about you in an ungodly way and without love they cannot make eye contact with you.
So I am having this conversation with some one today about how important eye contact is. It’s hard for me to trust someone who never makes it. At least try.
I could remember when my pastor laid hands on everyone who made it out to the coldest Bible study night for the winter. It was such a low number of us that he could do so. He said when you come in contact with people make eye contact. It shows a level of confidence. Or shows ones trustworthiness.
So I make conversation.
This person is making eye contact with me so I an interested in seeing why our paths have crossed.
Conversation flowing. He wants to know about my relationship status. I am in love with someone. I am quick to let anyone willing to hear know this. I don’t know where that will lead us but as I said to him. I’m a rider. I am willing to ride this until the wheels fall off and if they fall off we replacing wheels. And after that let them fall off we will then ride the rims. Let the sparks fly where they may!
Digression break. Back to the story at hand.
So he begins speaking about knowledge. I said it’s amazing that the most intelligent people have no formal education.
Now here I am going down memory lane. My first love was so intelligent. He was the first person to expose me to the Harlem Renaissance. I had no plans on attending college. But reading was my forte. My mother would catch me with flashlights under my cover reading something like the box car children or Ramona and Beezus. Or Anne of Green Gables series. Or Little House on the Prairie. Words have always been my life. You can’t call yourself a writer if you don’t read.
So when I was exposed to Zora Neale Hurston I wondered why I had almost gone twenty years of my life without knowing about How their eyes were watching God.
He put me on!!
This man helped me understand that intelligence and knowledge has nothing to do with schooling. He knew how to speak Arabic. He taught himself. I would watch in awe as he carried on these conversations in another language. I was amazed at the workings of his brain.
So here I am having this conversation. We talk about how the warning comes before the fall. I needed to hear that.
Yesterday. It was mother’s day. I wanted to feel pretty to take away the ugliness I was feeling about not having my mom around. So I knew I was supposed to take my wedges off before I went to the altar. I had my flats. I wanted to be cute. I have a hard time with obedience.
Long story short. I fell. But the hand I was holding I never let go of. She a teeny tiny thing helped me back up. I loved her for that.
So as we are talking I share this story with him. I am the first to admit my mistakes. Therefore I can laugh at myself. So we laughing. The warning comes before the fall.
I am trying to understand our purpose for meeting him. Every attraction should not be accepted nor acted upon. I am in love. I have already told him this but there is something we need to learn maybe from each other. We find out we are both motherless. We find out we both make music. He asks me to sing.
“I’m in trouble. Check my struggle. I fall down. I get up so. I can call when I stumble. Shake me break me make me humble. I dream big. They think little no more worries. Got the gusto. Pick me up. Pick me up. Higher higher farther I go. Its easy to fall down. Hard to get back up. With so much stuff filling spilling out my cup.”
He looked at me. He smiled. I smiled at his opinions. Opinions of man don’t move me. I need God. As He continually breaks me and makes me humble I am thankful. I asked for it. I know in humbling comes humiliation. I knew what I was asking for. Its alright. If I am accepted by God in my mess. If I continue to talk to and uplift and be real with who He asked me to I will. Blessings stored in heaven. We don’t stop walking because we fall down.
Fall down seven. Stand up eight. Learn from lessons. Keep it moving.
Grace and mercy!!
So I say my goodbyes. I know divine appointments are in order. Two music lovers with an understanding and overcoming of hurtful situations will make sounds for the hurting masses. Not to bop to. But to heal to. .
And so I learned today. In everything in life there is an opportunity to learn something.
I hope those that watched. Laughed. Had their moments of conversation while allowing that green eyed monster to rear it’s ugly head learned something. We all fall.
The question is are you able to get up so quickly? Will God be willing to pull you up and keep your helping hand holding on. So really what seeds have you planted? How valuable have you been to the kingdom.
I will never be perfect. I will fall. But will I stay in sullenness or will I allow myself to be carried to my next destination so that I can be used by Him continually. Speak life to the next while forgetting what hurt me. Praying they won’t be stuck in their own pain.
Yes. Being used by God. That does not mean I will always walk an exemplary life. It means that I want to walk in the light of the Lord. He will correct. Help me get it together. It never has been my assignment to direct my steps. Nor correct another’s.
And with that. I find peace!