I have never in my life been treated the way I was this weekend.
He has been trying to get my attention for such a long time. I finally decided to give it.
I turned my phone off. We sat we conversed. He told me to take off my shoes and get comfortable.
He filled me up with his words.
My God! His words were enough to make me fall in love. I wanted to fall in love. I wanted to let everything go and fall in love for the first time. My first real love.
He told me how beautiful I was. He saw that I was a bit rough around the edges my first evening with him. So when he invited me back to spend the following day with him he picked something out special. Something he got for me. Brand new hoop earrings in my ear. A pretty ring with two hearts. Mine and his meeting to become one. Still beating. Bringing new rhythm to a heart once broken.
See he knows all about broken hearts.
He told me how his had once been.
The story was reminiscent to a melancholy melody. So I cried.
He told me how he had been watching me for awhile now. He showed me how I had been doing things the way pain hurt and regret were easy to find me so he gave me some advice on how to change it. He showed me how to sit still and listen as I was caught up and enraptured about all the tales of the wonderous things he had to share with me.
He is so beautiful.
See like I said he had been trying to get my attention for years now. But I chose all the ones that were dead set against my happiness.
He said that’s all he wanted to bring me.
He asked me to show him my scars. The wounds that had almost choked the life out of me. He held my hand. He wiped my tears. He let my runny ugly crying face be made beautiful because it was in the brokenness that he reminded me that sometimes you have to be broken to be remade whole.
He sat silent through my tears and screams of distress. Rubbed my back. Told me the importance of letting it out. Then he assured me he was here now. He would never leave.
For the first time in my life. I believed. Not just wanted to believe and said I did. But finally. I had met my king. He was so real to me.
He told me things. Some things I just relish in the memory. A secret he and I will share until it is time to reveal to the world. One thing he reminded me was how far he saw my potential reaching.
For the first time I felt for real. Someone was willing to believe in me. Vouch for me. And hold my hand even if I am being sent to the deep or about to walk on water.
He said he would be right here.
Right here be right here. No fear have no fear. And this sister with a voice wants to sing songs so great. Songs of love. Songs of adoration. I know. I wrote songs last year for someone special. I meant every word. But this here is so much different.
And after all my tears. I traded for joy. We danced. It was in dancing I hit my knee so hard. The knee that I used to put a knee brace on. I’m like wait. Did that just knock my pain out the way. So I danced harder. I danced more freely. I danced with vim and vigor. I danced. I let Him carry me the rest of the way. What a pleasure!
See I spent the weekend at New Life Covenants Womens Retreat with my King. My Lord and Savior. He told me to be quiet. To be still and learn what I need to learn so He could use me. When I screamed the gut wrenching screams He used my sisters to rub my back and continue to speak life into me. Every tear that fell was met with a tissue to dissolve and be discarded along with the pain that caused it. When he broke my will my stubborn resolve He used my sisters to pick me right back up. But I asked him. I sing my song at least once a day when I say, “Shake me break me make me humble.”
Yes. He sure has.
It has been the best weekend of my life. I never knew Him to be so real.
I mean last year when He told me to leave the apartment and walk and I walked into the word that perfectly described my life. I thought it was a coincidence. When I prayed to him and said I was tired of getting up at 4 in the morning since I had been taking up to 8 busses a day and two trains when he put the keys to the car in my hand I thought maybe it was man. Being nice.
When he told me to let go of the men that were playing the mind games with me I thought maybe my mind was playing tricks on me. He kept reassuring me he has something better.
So when we ended the retreat. I gave him my vow. I gave him my vow. He gave me his. His word. The orange piece of paper that contained His word and I saw that my vow lined up with the word he made stand out to me for me to reach out for and receive.
Yes Lord! You are real. You are alive. And He loves me.
But you know what. He loves you too.
He really does.
I felt it because I was willing to be open. I stopped believing who man said he was and asked him who he was. I Am… He began. And as he showed me I fell in love.
I believed. I believe in his love and fell in love with him.
So. The weekend that changed my life. May 23-24, 2014. I am who I Am says I am.
That’s between me and him. But maybe you’ll get the chance to see. All I know is who he is to me. I hope you know who He is to you!