You know that moment..

That moment when you don’t know what to say, how to say it, or when to say it so you say nothing at all.

A moment of silence for the moments we’ve lost.

Okay maybe two moments. Maybe two weeks or four. Who knows?

The woman of ten thousand words has a few pennies at her disposal as others ask for her thoughts. So I get even more quiet. My words are my strength. They are worth much more than that. I have been giving them away for free to people that wouldn’t appreciate them, or wanted to protect me and my destiny.

So I take a silent reprieve. Its time to get me together.

Why is that so offensive to others?

How dare I shut my mouth when so many are used to me pouring into them. Well when I was sending back to back texts I was a stalker. When I was letting someone know how something made me feel I was cray cray. Now that I hold it in something must be wrong with me.

No.

I am fine. Finally I have gotten the premise of life I have been giving to others.

Save your life vest for you because it was given to you because whomever gave it to you knew you would go back for others once you got your strength. Save it for when you finally make it to your destination. Others will take your life vest to your destination and pretend as if your identity was theirs all along.

They learn how to love you when they love themselves. How can you love yourself when you don’t even know yourself? You don’t know what you want or what matters to you?

Some people only know how to take. They only take because if they had to create that would mean finding out what appeals to them so they take an identity so they have no need to create their own. So if you give them your life vest they won’t tell you about the boat they had around the corner and will leave you to drown and the sharks to attack you.

Then when you ask them to give you a drink of water to wash out the taste of the salt water they will look at you and talk about you so bad.

While many are forgetting others are remembering. They remember my love my kindness my warmth my generosity so why even bother worrying about what isn’t when so many are.

Poets, writers, professors charge for their speaking engagements and here I am have used my God given gift to help a few find the freedom He showed me and now I’m broke.

But I broke my self when the words given me by God was used to help put together your broken pieces. I didn’t want to hear the same thing over and over again. I love to love and love people back to life so I took one look and felt my tears coming. I noticed your unshed ones. I saw your selfish behaviors remembered that we all have growing to do so I loved you anyway.

But now I have a problem..

See my assignment from a little girl was always to love those hurting and in need. So when I need the same and I want to be understood I’m told to get it together.

You’re right. Together two heads are better than one and I find another who can help me put my head on straight. Hug me through my tears not tell me to suck it up.

You suck it up.

Yep. This silence. Suck up the silence. Know its not about you all the time. God gives seed to the sower. So where do you begin to plant?

I been planting seed on soil. I’ll continue to plant seed on soil. Maybe now its just time to reap my rewards from a seed I planted years ago. I’ll continue to let God work. He been working on me. You can tell a tree by the fruit it bears.

Material things don’t always mean much. Satan offered Jesus the kingdoms of the world. Never forget that. But what does the heart bear. The heart is revealed by the fruitage of the lips. Gossip. Envy. Tearing down the very people that was sent to build you up.

So. I gain my strength. I’ve planted good seed on fertile ground. They will pick me up now that I’ve fallen.

But when you kick the one that came to carry you who is going to do the same for you?

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