If you can’t handle me at my worst. Then you sure don’t deserve me at my best!

There I’ve said it.

Weaklings watching people do me in like Eli watched his wicked sons steal and misuse the women at the temple all the while saying nothing in defense of the voiceless. Tables turn. We all reap what we sow. So I’ve decided I want to let everyone stay in their own lanes. I’ve seen. I’ve been hurt. I’ve conquered. I walk in joy and freedom now. So I am enjoying this time in my own place with peace of mind.

OK I may have to do a Joseph. What those former folks intended for evil God works out for his good so I know everything works together for the good of those that God has purpose for. Gifts aren’t just given to hide. The talented are meant to be used by God.

So if by allowing God to use me I may have to save a neck or two I do it in humility saying thank you Lord. You saw something is us to save. Your will Lord, not mine.

But for the time being, heavy loads are like the formerly betrothed. Because I’m divorcing myself from every anchor sent on assignment to weigh me down.

Like rejection. Like guilt. Like regret. Like shame. Like hatred. Like anger. Like pain. Like low self worth. Like like like.

Like an instagram overload.

No lie. The past seven years were the roughest of my life. It had all been cool sailing before then. You know working. Working on degrees. Dreams of PhDs.

I’ll never forget the summer I toured California for a taste of the best of the best doctorate programs.

Berkeley. Stanford. UCLA.

But dreams get deferred. Not cut off just pushed back.

See what good was it going to be to have the lives of young adults in my hand as a professor of African American literature, music, culture if I had yet to know how to love myself.

I had to learn that perfect love through a perfect God. He showed me how to love me by taking all my weights and taught me how to curl and squat that stuff.

Yes. It became a tool effective to help me become my best self.

I looked in the mirror today. I checked me out. No makeup. No filter.

I woke up like dis. Flawless. And in my imperfections I saw that I had been fearfully and wonderfully made.

I said, “Girl. I love you girl.”

I do. For real. Sans the weave. Forego the makeup. I’ve got a creator that has given me a perfect makeup by rearranging the innermost parts of my heart. He took all those likes and reminded me it has never had anything to do with what the world thought.

He had already promised they would hate me.

I understand.

I love anyway.

So yeah. Its like that. If you can’t take me at my worst when high times flying, you know natural high laughs and big moves I cannot allow those that saw me as a lost cause come back in.

Like David did Saul. They made amends, David turned to go the opposite direction. Yes. We still love but we don’t have to be exposed to those that allowed themselves to be used to hurt us.

No offense. You showed me who you were. Dr. Angelou already told me to believe you.

I am definitely a believer.

I. Never. Stop.

I just modify. It don’t matter if I don’t make or to my goals until I’m fifty or so. If I look twenty something at thirty, by that time I’ll only look like I’m thirty something. The God I serve is a God of restoration.

I’ve watched His mighty hand.

So. To all those that decided to bow out. Gracefully or not so much so I say thank you.

May God bless you in all your endeavors in life. You might win some. But you just lost one…


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