Have you ever just decided I want to be happy?

When that happens there might just be some people you thought you wanted in your life that somehow disappear.

Its like the happy code embedded deep inside of me recognizes the threat to its survival and pushes those not part of the program far away.

Yes. In order to get here I took the wrong path. A left turn. Which caused a man I used to love to do what was right for him.

I repented. Prayed. Sacrificed. A whole fifty dollars. It was a guilt offerring. He asked, I gave. Isn’t it amazing when we ask for our blessing we don’t know that something else was really waiting on us. Something inconceivable, something much better. See I had this beautiful diamond cross pendant for his daughter’s birthday. But treasure gets buried when we don’t do what we are supposed to do.

See I had to protect my happiness.

I realized that those caught up in their lives often times never get a chance to open their eyes to see what is right in front of them before it is too late and they lose the only thing that will ever care or will ever matter. Those who just sit back and let the world designate who they are but rarely rely on God to make things happen.

I mean. We forget to ask God His opinion about the choices we make and sometimes take His silence for a yes.

When did God start needing man’s interpretations? He’s always been clear for the ones He wanted to hear.

I think of David.

A man after Gods own heart.

Was he perfect? Only one man walked, lived on this earth, and died in a perfect state.

Thats why I say Thank you Jesus. He didn’t have to. But he chose to.

But back to David.

He was about to kill Abigail’s husband because of his anger issues before he even made it to his kingdom. He lusted after someone else’s wife. Got her pregnant then put her husband on the front line for murder.

But he loved God. He danced so much Saul’s daughter called him a fool in so many words before the Lord. There was no hiding his affection for God.

Oh what a wretched man I am.

I am nothing without God.

I then think to Moses.

Pastor taught in a recent Bible study to remind us that Moses was a murderer. He had anger issues. He stayed up on the mountain all that time for the commandments and broke it all to pieces in his anger. He was still used by God.

If God required my perfection He would have made me that way from the beginning. He wants my worship, my repentance, and for me to plant seed.

That’s all I am. A seed sower.

I used to think I was such a babe in Christ. Because of when I accepted his hand in this walk. But I may falter and fall. See its easy to fall down. But do I get back up? Or let the enemy kick me by reminding me of all I do wrong because the enemy fails to do anything right?

No I walk. Everyone has negatives. Why would I only focus on mine when I have so many strengths. So many strengths. I could slay Goliath with my strengths. Break the jawbone of a lion with my strength.

So I will. I know this battle is not mine. The Lord fights for me. So really I feel sorry for anyone putting their lips on someone else. We know not who is special in the eyesight of God. I mean Miriam became a leper for a week because of what she had to say about Moses.

So. I. Will.

I will continue to walk. Continue to pray for all that hinders me but know that Gods divine time is the only time I can rely on.

Yes in that order. I accept the patience challenge and fall back because I know when I fall for God He is the only one that will catch me and put me back on right standing.

So I stand. Stand firm, unmovable. This faith walk sometimes keeps me standing still. Sometimes standing for order, and standing against those who make Gods out of nouns. You know. People, places, and things. So I stand knowing that in due season like cream I will rise to the occasion my Father in heaven cleaned me up and invited me to. I came as I was, He gave me my change of clothes and little by little He stripped the old me away.

I mean this past weekend He changed my name. As I did the Nay Nay, Raaah. I underwent the killing of Rae-Rae. Standing in for her now is Radiance J. What a pleasure to meet the me that had been in hiding all these years I examine victory. Its mine. Says the Lord so I stand tall so that I will stop falling for the things designed to hurt me.


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