There is a big difference between letting go of someone who hurts you and the one whom it hurts to let go of.

My walk with Christ began on shaky ground. I just knew I had been praying for three months straight that God guide and lead me to Him. He led me straight to a home where a lady directed me to this new life.

See He knew the way I had been brainwashed to believe I should never set foot in a church I never would’ve. My mother was pregnant with me when introduced to the religion I was raised in. The man that my mother trusted the most in the organization demanded my mother stay away from my father even though everytime I saw my dad, almost, he was begging my mom to marry him.

My father could never understand it. He tore up Bibles trying to figure out how my mother could believe the doctrines that kept her from allowing me to get to know the people who would’ve explained to me how God worked. My family.

I mean how could she follow the leading of the Holy Spirit when she believed Jesus was an Angel? Clearly Hebrews 1 refutes that. But like she sat intently listening not asking the questions that would cause one to be labeled in this organization. I mean had she not been so blinded maybe she would’ve been able to walk into her healing. Walk into her healing like God has shown me His hand still isnt too short. Still nothing is impossible for him. Maybe she would have been willing to get  chemotherapy to kill cancerous cells instead of allowing an herbalist to lie to her repeatedly.

I mean the last lie I heard for myself as this herbalist told my mother the cancer was gone out of her breast. Completely.

We believed until walking into a hospital by my forceful nature had the doctor tell my mom her body was over 90% full of cancerous cells.

Yes. It was too late and she had been bamboozled again.

Yes. That herbalist lady was part of the same organization as my mother.

Anyway. The stronghold of that religion still keeps me reluctant to share. I mean the son of the man who with his loud opinions kept my mother from my father asked me how could I be going to church like this? Did I forget everything we were taught?

No I have an excellent long term memory aside from traumatic events. I remember, so now I just test those doctrines against the spirit of God and read pure unadulterated word. No books necessary. My eyes have been opened. When God shows you something because of your willingness to listen with a child-like heart free from your own assumptions you can really learn something. I mean he really does take the foolish things to confound the wise. See like the scribes were masters of the law they could not understand the things that Jesus was saying because he said his words were spirit and life.

I mean coming from where I come from it would be hard to get ahold of a spirit sent by God the Father to those who have been approved by Jesus when He is constantly being called an Angel.

Does not the word tell us to watch out for those who speak of a different Jesus and a different gospel.

So quick story.

My last conversation with the men in this organization they said I had to be removed. My history and track record of fornication said that I was not repentant.

Oh but I was. I tried to get a hold of my flesh, but every time I placed myself in close quarters my flesh became weak.

Oh what a wretched woman I am. When I try to do what is right what is bad is present with me.

I needed the Spirit of God. How could I receive it when I was calling His Son an Angel?

So Friday. I needed something. I asked someone to be of assistance. He obliged.

Oh. Did I forget to mention I am in love with him. He’s said he’s in love with me too. He’s from my past. I had to let him go to walk with Christ. But my heart longs for the one I love.

No. My real love is not commonplace. So I’ve only ever felt this feeling once before. But how can two walk together unless they agree on the direction. The first guy didn’t believe Jesus was the son of God. I couldn’t. I oscillated like a fan in the middle of summer for nine years though. Back to him and away. Saying no was not an option.

Until I had a personal encounter with Jesus. Friday the man only the second in my lifetime for me to feel this way about tells me, I would have never thought you would say no to me so many times.

That wasn’t me. No good thing lies in my flesh. But my spirit began changing the tunes of the beat I had always marched to.

Wales, Bad.

Now I just want to be good. Pleasing to God. See 1 John 3: 7 says he who does what is right is righteous. That is Gods word. Did I flee from fornication? Not as fast as Joseph did from Potiphers wife, but still I did not commit it. That is not my outer appearance as many are quick to judge me by but my heart. My desire to please God, by following His commands.

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I could not stop moving and thanking God at ten and eleven o’clock hours of twelve hour prayer. Yes. This was a fresh start. I did not let my flesh take over my spirit. I knew those three months I cried out to God in my Jay-,Z voice saying, this can’t be life. He showed me there was much more than what I thought existed. See I may be a babe number wise in this walk but oh yes. I am finally growing up.

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So. Letting go of the one I love because he is not ready to follow Christ is the hardest thing to do. No he doesn’t curse me out, call me names, or hurt me. He doesn’t mislead me. He just doesn’t love God the way I do. So I can’t hold on.

Does it hurt. Like hell. Do I want to do it? My flesh stays into it with my spirit. No I don’t want to, but how can I say I trust God when I’m holding onto something that will eventually wind up leading me away from Him? Leading me away from sitting down in the kingdom God planned for me to have when He placed the gifts He placed inside of me.

So how did I do it? I stopped living in my sinful nature. Got a patch for the squares, left my trees to blow in the wind. Began to die daily.

See something’s won’t go except by prayer and FASTING!

So I did. Frequently.

And won’t He do it. God showed me new doors to walk into. Gave me new acquaintances and new family. Is giving my heart a new capacity for love. Now I don’t want nor expect. I just wait patiently on the Lord. I know He knows what’s best for me and in due season will bring it in. The way it’s supposed to be had and when I am ready.

So to the names my former organization calls me preventing former friends from even engaging in a polite hello. Man condemns and humiliates. God redeems and forgives. God says there will come a time when his worshippers will worship in spirit and truth.

This Spirit that I presented my body as a living sacrifice for has helped me to live a totally different lifestyle than I did in the past. Forget talking about failures. I celebrate my triumphs. Because DIDN’T NOBODY DO THIS BUT GOD!

So who and what do you believe in?

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