He has revealed himself to me. He held out his hand. He told me I was to be his. I just looked on in disbelief.
Get your strength up and show me.
It was a room of all white. I cannot get the look of love in his eyes out of my mind. No one has ever looked at me like that. He was not interested in what my body could do for him. He was interested in how I had made him and would continue to make him a better man.
It was a series of dreams.
They came continuously.
Even though we have barely had any conversations in real life.
But dreams do come true. I believe I just may be closer to mine.
See it’s not even about me anymore. I never considered myself important enough to be protected by my provider, and covered by my blessing. So I always treated the ones that treated me good bad, and the bad ones good.
I mean who in their right mind continuously tries to gain the attention of someone who pays them no nevermind?
I mean is chivalry so dead that a conversation via text can be overlooked by a person that claims they care.
I guess words are not deeds and actions really tell you everything. The true story.
See its only after one is released from their fears that they can allow themselves to wait for what is truly for them. All too often I have seen women watch their peers get married and allow the first person to show serious interest in them after a life of too few serious intentions and allow that man to make them their wife. They see signs unbefitting a king and know they will not be the only one sharing that queens seat. Yet let the man stay anyway.
No. Fear cannot hold me.
If my Boaz is not here I won’t be tricked into getting into anything with any of his relatives. You know em.
Yeah. In that order.
So many of us become afraid that we will end up alone that we settle for the one that is not going to sing of his love for us as mentioned in the song of Soloman.
So as I wait to be noticed, it’s not my job nor my responsibility to let him know he should choose me. I don’t have to buy his affection. I don’t need to make him see me. I don’t need to be in his face. I don’t have to run after him. He will send for me.
In waiting. I get to know me. What do I like? What makes me tick? What causes my heart to skip a beat? What puts the groove under my feet?
See at the end of the day I have to be me. Anyone else will cause deception to creep into my marriage early as I pretend to be someone else in order to get what I think I want when in actuality I don’t even know myself.
So. As the apostle Paul mentioned sometimes it is better to be unmarried. If I can focus on what God has called me to do it is well while I am in this state.
See all I want for my life is the will of God.
I’ve seen how my wills turn out. Leaving a life lacking inheritance as I gave away all my goodness to those who never deserved me.
So I find joy in singleness.
I hang with my sisters. I laugh and crack jokes. I sing songs to the top of my lungs. I prepare for the one school I have been anticipating for over a year now. I go places for the pleasure and enjoyment of my daughter. See my time is split between God and my daughter. I enjoy that for the time being.
So I just wait on God. Nothing forced ever fits.
On that note I sing my tune a melody written for the Lord and bask in the praise I give Him daily.
Let all things be done for the glory of God. I mean my life is not my own anyway. So I just check my attitude adjustment and make due with what I have.
Soon and quite soon it will all be paid in full!