I love being a girly girl, sometimes. On my non tomboy days. A woman’s woman. A lady. And treated as such. In doing so I DO NOT believe in pursuing a man.
Let him lead. Its easy for women to fall in love. We were created to be a companion. Since man was created for authority and dominion the coding for companionship was probably much different.
See he didn’t cry out for a companion. Gods great love saw that he needed it.
It was not good for man to be alone.
But after a great deception woman would come to crave a man.
So. I took this basic understanding and knew. I could not let a man dominate me while I craved him if he didn’t sincerely love me.
They don’t treat women kindly when she’s in pursuit if they don’t love her more.
See I was taught well.
My first love. The first man I gave my heart to earned it.
Long walks through the streets of Boston. He would run to meet me after work if he thought I might have had to wait for him after getting off work. Just to ride with me on public transportation to get me home. The writings. The songs he would sing. The things he taught me. I wanted to make new life with him. I loved him deeply. I love him still. Fourteen years later.
Being in love is a different matter though.
I just learned from him I would never settle. If I could not find a man that loved me like my first love showed me I would not stay. I would not return the love. So I kept my heart with me.
Then last year. As this man held his hand out with his number standing in front of his place of employment, something in his eyes grabbed ahold of me.
As I sat and grew to know him words were not necessary. He would hold my hand to his heart, sigh with relief, and showed me what he told me. He didn’t know he was lost until I found him.
I never wanted to be found until I met him.
So. Sometime ago my charger went missing. So I was without a phone for almost three days. When my phone turned back on I see no texts from him.
Not in the realm of our normalcy.
Three days without contact these days is akin to the six months we went without contact as I let go to become a better woman inside and out.
They say if you love something let it go. If it comes back to you.
He came back. He came looking for me. He searched me out.
A message in my brand new inbox. I mean in becoming this better person I said goodbye to social media for one year, aside from my weightloss journey IG page. But here he was. He had found me.
So back to the three days. I know what its like to lose him. He said, he didn’t know what alone felt like until those first couple of days without me. I knew. I just never wanted to be reminded.
To let go of someone you love for no other reason but to become a better version of yourself is difficult. It’s a faith walk. No arguments. No cursing screaming or fighting. Just a feel good feeling.
See he became the muse for my prose. A fairytale turned reality supposed. To take my mind off, all those. Who never was supposed to open up my nose.
Yes. I wrote. I wrote songs. I wrote poetry. He motivated me to become a better version of myself.
OK for real back to the three days. I was worried. I’m calling hospitals. But I feel a quiet gentleness in my spirit. He is alright. So I wait. I work on shoes and a shirt to keep my mind off him. But I’m wondering.
I decide finally. To go to him.
On my way to drop my daughter off I notice a piece of paper waving at me on my car but I paid it no mind.
Finally. I’m standing on his front porch. I know he is probably sleeping getting ready for an overnight shift. But at least since I’m guessing he lost his phone I can leave my number.
When I finally hear my Barry White like baritone coming through the phone I can’t stop smiling.
“I came. I knocked on your door. I rang your bell. I even left my number on your car window.”
Ahhh. That’s what what was waving to me saying come, babe, come.
But that’s what a man is supposed to do. I watch women get in relationships having manipulated the situation, using their bodies as bait or pursuing a man.
Trust me once that wedding band gets on he is probably going to try and find a woman he can feel like Boaz with if a woman in a Jezebel position made him feel like Ahab.
No thank you. My man must must be a man.
So I love him. We’ve had this conversation. I’m still not ready to date. He says what good is a title if the storyline doesn’t match? I dig it. So we work on being better people, better parents before we can be better with any type of mate. Makes sense doesn’t it? But we are building our friendship. If we build as friends, we can work together and one day build an empire. Especially since the love thing came so easily to both of us.
Instead of incessantly fighting and arguing because two people who were better suited for others decided to stay together for whatever reason and live a long miserable existence together.
Ladies. Be pursued. Be lavished. Be loved. You will crave for your man. Just make sure he works for you because what is earned is more valued than what is given.
This is more so a reminder to myself than anyone else. Nothing forced ever really fits. Again I’ll state.
See this is for love health and happiness. It’s not fair if just one has it. We all need it.
So get it, but some things most importantly let it come to you.