So my daughter is talking to me asking me if someone is her friend.

Quickly I said yes.

She said but she’s mean to me.

So immediately I changed my confession. No that’s not your friend, you don’t have to play with someone that is mean to you. BUT you still be kind to them. You still LOVE them.

Some folk just have to be loved from a distance. And prayed for repeatedly.

No. You won’t catch me talking about how someone talks about me behind my back but I still kick it with them just to say I was out and about.

I can party by myself. When I went to see Ms. Lauryn Hill I was alone. Solo dolo. Had a ball. Met new people. I laughed I talked. I danced. I enjoyed myself.


See by nature or nurture I’m not exactly sure yet I am an introvert. Being an only child made alone time tolerable. I learned early to be imaginative. So no. I won’t allow someone who wants to be mean to me to be in my circle.

So I finally get to meet the little girl that has been mean to my daughter at camp. Just so happens she needed me to turn the water on for her after she came out her stall and she asked was my baby about to go home. That feeling hit me like ask her name. I did. She was indeed the culprit.

I asked her why was she mean to my baby. She explained. My daughter doesn’t share the swing. But is that a reason to call her stupid and tell her other not so nice things?

I began to explain to her that as little girls the rest of the world was going to be mean sometimes so they had to learn to stick together. They had to be nice to each other. They had to love one another and that means no meanies.

I get it.

When I came back to Chicago looking to embrace childhood friends I would spend time with them and their kids and notice even with all the love I showed and how much they loved how I would play the games on the Wii their own parents were too tired to play they would look at me like I was a one eyed monster after a little bit of time passed when I returned.

Mothers felt entitled to my friendship even when I needed my alone time and went away. So for whatever reason they would talk about me behind my back saying unloving words to shape how others view me.

See you might get away with talking about about your so called friends if you have a four year old like I do, but not with preteens. They instantly begin to take the hateful words that have been assigned to the grown up and believe their parents wouldn’t dare speak so negatively if it were not true.

Misery loves company and some people don’t want people to be happy so they tear them down. I knew. I heard the same people talk about their own family and friends then kick it with them like they were the best of friends.

So two faced.

So of course children began to equate friendship with being mean. They don’t do what we say. They do what we do.

The treatment they receive at home or see their parents give others is what they give back to the world.

The teens out of control in Chicago have nothing to live for when no one is showing them any love. I mean how can you do hateful things when you are being given true love?

Yes. This was a culture shock. My hometown shocked me.

So I just do what I can. I speak to and will hold a conversation with anyone. Whether that’s the dude struggling to fight a not yet winning battle with an addiction trying to sell shoes when I am coming from getting my daughter, or the Latino man in the library who must see enough kindness from me that he asked me to complete his job application.

Yes. There are no color barriers, or class barriers. There are only heart barriers.

So. I can’t raise another’s child. Its hard enough raising my own. I hope I can sow seeds. Maybe someone else will water. God will make it grow. So yeah. Its about that heart. What’s in it is what comes out of the mouth.

I’m working so hard to fix mine so this caterpillar can shed a coating to become a butterfly which can finally spread her wings and fly!


2 thoughts on “No more mean girls

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