This one part of my body.

I can now say there was a time I associated pain with it.

The pain yo.

But now I only want to associate healing with the two areas.

So. I rub. I stretch. I mash. It hurts.

The thing about healing is that usually it hurts worse before it feels better.

Its supposed to. As you work out the kinks and knots from the root of the pain that is seldom in the same area of the manifested pain it will be discomfort.

OK. Truth be told I wanted to cry. But I let my tears come with a surrender to God.

What we sow in tears we reap in joy! Unspeakable joy.

And have I been sowing. My ugly cry face is beautiful in the sight of God because where I cry now I used to use my words in a hateful manner to tear down those who did ugly things to me.

So here I am working out the kinks. As always with Gods help.

Not just in my body. In my spirit as well. Does it hurt to relive the memories? Yes. But Why should I carry these weights on the inside when my Lord has urged me to lay aside every weight? I mean maybe that’s why I was doing the most BC and working hard to be delivered AC overindulging my problems into a nesting state.

I purge these days.

I stand my ground.

Away.

People that choose to figure out what’s going on with another than get rid of the hurt that is keeping them bound to negative traits that bring God no Glory. Its hard work, but its possible.

I had to go through a lot to get this tough exterior, this tough interior. I’ve lost a lot. But what I’ve lost physically I have gained spiritually.

I had to release. I stretch out on the altar. I mash my feet in the ground dancing in a way I never even saw before last year. I rub deep into my memory banks. I go around hurting people to try to ease the tension. I don’t just focus on my specific area. I know going around others dealing with the similar things will help me to address different areas.

But that’s just the beginning.

More work to be done. I cannot do it for another. I can only show what has worked for me. I have shown myself available but sometimes its just me and God.

Yes. Inner analyzing is quite difficult when one is trying to figure out somebody else, their actions, their dress, their hair color, eye color, or walk with God. Let’s not even get into the TV shows.

My people perish for a lack of knowledge.

We fail to find out what’s wrong with our hearts and emotions and dying from the foods we overeat, the drinks we overindulge in repeatedly, the people who we can’t seem to let go of despite the fact that their negative words are killing our spirits.

No. I choose to analyze.

Ask questions.

Like am I screaming at my daughter because what she has done has made me angry? Or is it the fact that I’m frustrated with my life and the choices I made?

Yes. It was me. A child can’t be bad. There are only bad adults who don’t know how to correct and discipline a child whose understanding of the world is fairly new.

They need love and correction.

So. After burying my father at fifteen, and my mother at twenty seven letting go has become necessary for life.

My savior said it best. Let the dead bury the dead. So as I relish in my newfound freedom, I enjoy walking forward. I can no longer cry over spilled milk. Maybe if one is wondering why no one is there to cry with them look back at how many times you’ve been a helping hand to the needy.

Its alright though. We all have God to lean on and sometimes that’s all He wants anyway.

I will continue to do the work to leave the past behind. I can not sit and wallow when there is so much to live for.

Pretenses no longer fool me.

I share words. Pray change. I mean when I plant whomever God appoints to be Apollos to water will come but only God will make grow.

He’s the only one who knows the soil you will be. He knows our motives. He’s the only one who knows if you are holding onto thornlike characteristics which will choke the seeds, or if you’ve pruned, deweeded I mean allowed God to pull it up.

I can only be in motion and with people in motion. Going somewhere and doing something continuously. The high and placation of fun only lasts shortly.

You know faith without works is dead. So with actions I move on to the land if the living.

Where happiness is not guaranteed but a choice for choosing.

So I choose.

Will you?

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