So I am working hard on obedience. Being so independent has made me believe I was doing a good job directing my own steps until. Until. And until.
Yes. There is no way I can deny the fact that I made a mess up of so many opportunities. Many of the people that were in the program I was in at UIC are now pursuing advanced degrees. I still have yet to get my bachelors.
See what had happened was.
Yep I came up with every excuse I could think of. It doesn’t negate the fact I gave up my opportunities because like Lot’s wife I kept looking behind at what the past had to offer. Past friends. The religion of the past. Past relationships. The past.
I just said goodbye to someone I thought I wanted to love forever because he kept reminding me of who I was last year and early this year.
Stay away from those types. Those that never see growth or the possibility for it because they too consumed by what used to be they can’t see what is on the horizon.
Oooh. That just blessed me.
So. In my obedience I decide I am walking a new path. In doing so I meet someone. At the age of 28 she has just gotten her PhD and accepted a job for a almost 80,000.
I’m watching her though.
Who I used to be. Trapped in unhealthiness. Smoking, offering me the B. No thanks. I’m good. No thanks to the drink. I’m still good. I’m trying not hear what I need to hear and if I get my system clogged with those impurities right now I may miss it.
See she started her journey right when I was supposed to be finishing mine.
Or so I thought.
But would I have still been doing some of the same things this young woman was doing to ease the stress of a life with burdens heavier than I was ever supposed to carry?
Only God lifted my weights off my shoulders.
I get it now. I had to change. I had to wait. I had to grow. I had to stop wanting to be glorified for what I felt I was superior in so God could get the glory out of my life.
Someone thanked me. I’m like for what? For being a friend. For being a real listening ear. For her knowing she could come to me no hate no shade and I would allow God to move in our lives and let Him be God and not try to give her my fallacious human advice.
So no. Don’t thank me. Thank God for using me, and I’ll give Him the glory.
Nah. I’m not that deep. I just have had my life postponed because of the things within me I need work on. Maybe it was never my time. Maybe God has always wanted me to wait until now. Or maybe me walking in disobedience been keeping me like the Israelites in the wilderness for forty years.
See I would never pretend to be deep. I came from a place of feigned piety and the insiders looking down on the outsiders. So in my new walk I’m only eighteen months in still settling. Still getting rid of the feisty fiery temperament and willing to ignore low key attacks at my blogs people pretend they don’t read. Still love those that pretend as if they don’t see me, and smile and wave anyway.
I can no longer let anyone change me. I have someone BIG to answer to. Walking in obedience is not easy. I get knots on my head and go back to the hammer with my neck extending my head. I want to laugh in folly, fun and foolishness. However, I pay attention. Something is going on. The world has changed and I get it.
I was once shrouded in darkness clothed in sorrow and regret. Manipulation, pain and anger was the hat I wore. Deception and grief was the beat I bopped to. Pride and pretention were the shoes on my feet. So I get it. I just feel a constant urgency for helping people understand the goodness of Christ, because as I look back to all the years He sent people to get me, and I let the enemy create dissensions I could have avoided majority of the things that hurt me the most.
So excuse my serious face. It’s obedience. The sacrifice I give God is my contrite and broken spirit for the foolishness of a life he has taken away and given me fresh wings to fly with. Yes. I am still struggling to walk into my new life. I have been meditating on Ephesians 4:24 for the past week.
Soon enough the balance will weigh out on scales as I enjoy life to the full while still taking care of my assignments. They are just necessary right now. So much work to do after a life full to the brim of folly.
My walk is, like yours, important to the Kingdom of God.
So let’s get moving!!