I don’t know.

Its something in me that marvels at being the oddball in a world where trend is law and unless you ascribe to the decided upon prescription then no one wants a dose of your goodness.

Nah. I’m good.

I enjoy being an individual.

I can recall the men I dated thinking I was too much for them because I analyzed too much.

You think too much Rae.

Usually because I was putting logical sense in the middle of the lies being told me.

Maybe that’s why I am one of only a few that has been able to break away from a religion that held such a manipulative hold on its members. A little logic, a little reasoning, and a whole lot of God.

Like my daughter often tells me when I ask her how she knows something.

God told me.

So I always wondered why I never like black casted movies. The stereotypes would bombard my logical sense and make me question life.

No. Even though I did grow up in the hood, Madison and Laramie to be exact Boyz N the Hood is not something that has ever crossed my television screen. I don’t know what type of dude PAC played in Juice. I never saw Poetic Justice.

I know the storyline. I lived how it ends.

So this past weekend I take my daughter to the movies. I say it’s a date. I take her to see her movie and I go to see mine.

Hers was Dolphin Tale. Mine was No Good Deed.

I left the movie for my daughter feeling encouraged and invigorated. The message was great. When one door closes another one opens. So true.
That door has to close and one has to allow it to. It was about team work and solidarity people coming together for a common cause. It was about following ones dreams. It was about choosing life careers based on what one loved and staying true to your values morals and integrity. The movie was one of triumph. So I felt triumphant.

Then I walk into my movie. Already. A busy man too busy for his family I’m thinking in my head, cheater. As soon as the man is gone when another option is presented the woman is already thinking of shifting her focus from husband to stranger. Now violence is everywhere.

Why are the movies spoon fed to people of my race about violence, disloyalty, no integrity, and giving up our dreams.

What you feed your spirit is what it craves.

Maybe that’s why movies with an all black cast never interest me. For the most part.

Why am I told to fear the black man or not trust him via the big screen.

Oh there I go again thinking too much.

But then there are sisters that can’t be friendly with other black women afraid their men might be interested. Maybe because they have been trained to be on the lookout for cheating disloyal men.

Maybe the fact that our movies never come out with tales of triumph, or a message of positivity is why the negativity is so pervasive in African American culture. From the way women think of each other to the way reality television shows depict us.

But maybe I’m over analyzing. Maybe I’m thinking too much. Maybe I have just always been the oddball destined to stick out like a sore thumb. Thankful these days I no longer try to fit it.

Common Sense said it best. If I don’t like I don’t like it. That don’t mean that I’m hating.

So.

To all my oddballs. Stay true to you. Stay true to who you were created to be. You never know. Your view on matters may shape another’s perception and all we really we need is one person to impact change. Once you change yourself, everything else around you follows suit. I mean millionaires are made on being different because if they did the recipe the way everyone else did they would be copying someone’s style and if someone has already mastered a style then how does one become famous for following the ideas of another.

Yes. Thank God for individuality. Stay different. It’s in our differences we eventually find out how similar we are to the ones we are divinely connected to, once we stop copying like carbon paper to fit the mold but decide to be bold enough to stand out.

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