I do. I do want to get close.

I know who I am connected to, yet I avoid them like the plague.

Its the rejection I am being delivered from.

I sat on my aunts couch. She knows ‘they’ will give her flack about me visiting but since I was there on business it may not be so bad.

Anyway. I sat on her couch as a woman I knew from a lifetime ago asked who my daughter was. She hasn’t seen So’Leil since a baby so she wouldn’t have readily recognized the gangly preschooler. My aunt tells her that’s Radiance’s daughter. She says I haven’t seen Radiance in so long. My aunt gets quiet.

See these man made rules can’t have her asking how I am doing. See really she can’t be concerned. She wouldn’t have been able to speak to me if she did see me.

But I’m not who they say I am.

I kept looking and looking for the scripture that said one could not speak a greeting to one who does not follow the laws of the Bible. I saw grace and mercy. I saw 1 John 3:7. He who lives righteous is righteous. I see my Father is a forgiving God. One who removed my shame and condemnation. So how does He condone man’s pushing me away from him. How am I supposed to get my fellowship in when I am admonished not to forsake the gathering of one another when I have been kicked out and no one can speak to me?

Especially when the way it was done was against their own rules. But when man makes rules they can break them too.

So I sat there. I am reminded. Only the great I Am can tell you exactly who I am. Not a man made word that’s not even in the Bible. I mean didn’t God say don’t add to it or take away from. Yet I was raised in this darkness l longed for light begging to get right but man made rules could not break the chains and yokes that had me bound.

Now I’m free. Whom the Son sets free is free indeed.

The people who had my flesh, call and text most days to get ignored for days on end. You only want what I am not willing to give unless it’s to my husband. When I get stressed I don’t reach for the things that are damaging and harmful to my body. I talk to my heavenly Father.

I have changed.

No man made rules can get the credit for that.

While my old friends shun me for my decision to walk into a church when it was strictly forbade all our lives I relish the real and new remarkable God has placed before me. Or those folk that shun me for the poisonous words spoken by those whose darkest secrets I carry I am thankful that in my new foundation of the Bible and a firm understanding so I walk in forgiveness and know that the fruits are bared amongst my enemies.

What types of tragedies have befallen my enemies with slanderous, contentious, and divisive tongues?

I won’t speak them. I pray heavily. But when you learn how to think on your own you can pay attention to the minor details. Money isn’t it. Money will never be the fruit of a persons goodness. Some of the wealthiest people are the worst people. See the devil offered Jesus all the kingdoms. Why you think all the music artists talk about selling their souls. How many Judas’s betrayed to get others to firm against me to prevent them from seeing the wickedness in their own hearts.

I mean you can’t believe the testimony of a tainted witness right?

So. I am learning how to let people in. I was so afraid of being shunned, rejected, and humiliated because of my former hurts. But God!!

But God!

He is pulling everything together. He pulled those away for a reason and everything I lost I count it rubbish to gain Christ.

Yes. I follow my Lord and Savior. Jesus is his name. Whisper His name. Jesus! I am one of his disciples. I can’t get through to the Father unless I go through Him. So I do.

I fall in love. I wipe his feet with oil when I use my words to adore him. Yes.

I am in a good place. And for once in my life, I am thankful. And HAPPY!!

I think, nah I know, I shall stay with my Savior forever! No one can take me out his hand so yes. I cop a squat and get comfy. He is restoring me and adding to my life, so for that I give praise, glory and honor.

Forever and ever. Amen!

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