This is a disclaimer.
This is a letter to my ex-husband.
I just hope he will read it.
It’s your big number.
Welcome to the dirty thirty club. You’ve finally arrived. No literally. You’ve made it.
You’ve gotten on the train to forgiveness road and it’s time to let go.
I was wrong. I know. I loved you though.
You were my friend, my protector. You gave me knowledge. My lover, my confidant, calm in the middle of my storm. You were my strength. I looked at the ring your mother once wore on her finger and knew you loved me more than you were willing to admit to yourself. Your tears on your cheeks couldn’t soften my hard heart.
I was hurt.
You knew why.
You helped me get my stuff. I looked at you in awe. You had no fear. You were so bold. I felt safe.
I knew as we found solace and comfort in each other making you miss your games that if we didn’t become honest with our feelings we were going to lose our friendship forever.
See the plan was. Well you already know. I try to follow instructions. I try to go along with the plans.
Who plans on not falling on love with their husband/wife?
I was so deep in.
But my pride.
I really was married to pride. Not you. See when you said don’t fall I got in my feelings. So when I saw you fall I said that’s what you get, and denied my own feelings.
So when you gave me my ultimatum, well you already know.
I know the judge saw something. He asked was I sure. No. He asked were we sure. You looked at me. I looked at the vision in my mind of the man who asked me to make this choice. I was not sure. But as you rejected me as your wife, me being married to my pride had to reject you as my husband.
What I didn’t know was four months later my mother’s funeral was going to be on what would have been our one year anniversary. What I didn’t know was the man I chose would finally tell me the day before the funeral that he was married. The man that asked me forcefully to make a choice hiding who he was made sure I got my just desserts.
Who wouldv’e known that at that moment I needed the comfort and love from your mother. The ring that she allowed you to give me was a symbol of the full circle bond that I was going to need to get me through so I would follow my husband into the field I was always meant to go into.
I lost my way.
I asked someone did you make it out your masters program. They told me you did.
I was happy.
I know it was a struggle.
The discipline I have received from God putting me on the right path has been the thing that was a part of my struggle to grow up.
See I gave my life to Christ. I have asked my Father to forgive me for letting you, my gift he gave me to make my tough time easier, go.
So now I ask you.
You are one of the most kind, amazing, loving, charismatic, intelligent, daring, studious and hard working people I’ve ever met. Your love opened my heart. Being a fool in my folly made me give the heart God used you to begin to heal to someone who never deserved it.
My open letter to you is asking you to let go of the pride. Don’t chase stars if God has given you a jewel.
See sometimes when we’ve been hurt we chase the illusive so if we don’t get it we can justify not getting it. We don’t go for what’s for us because we are afraid to get it and be hurt by it. Never appreciating or getting too attached to the star because it’s not the jewel we know we deserve.
I know I was hurt. You know why.
Hurt people hurt people. But now. Now I’m asking for forgiveness. The forgiveness is so you can reach your destiny, which is so great.
It’s hard to reach your potential when you have anchors on your heart.
So know this. Change comes when one let’s Jesus be their Lord and Savior. He raised me up and changed me. He purged me and is cleaning me. I’ve been through, like you. But as long as we lean on and rely on God to carry us where He wants us to go the sky is the limit.
So. I let go of being who others expected me to be and I followed God. After having been kicked out of school, I’m now ready to go back to be a nurse. I guess I’ll see you one day down the road taking directions from you Dr.
Yes. Now I’m a believer. Praying for your freedom and your faith.
That’s right. You were always supposed to let go and let God.
So in doing so I ask that you accept my apology. No more holding onto the pain of the past. See I had to divorce pride in order to become a bride of Christ.
So now I wait on Him. I can be still. Hoping that you allow Him to lead you to your destiny. Taking the high road of forgiveness.