I had a thought enter into my head after the unspoken of altercation occurred.
I need a man.
Quickly I apologized to God because if I was looking to man for protection, or to supply a need then I was taking God out the equation, limiting his capabilities and I know for a fact there is nothing impossible for the God I serve.
False Gods are limited. They lack the ability to deliver. Or even a poor understanding of how relationship with the true and living God in heaven, YHWH. Jehovah. You know. The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
That great God. You know. The one with the Son. Jesus. That great name. The one every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess He is Lord, to the glory of God. On earth, like us now. Or in heaven. That’s Phillipians 2:10, 11 if you weren’t a believer.
You know I have to stress that. My childhood was based on false notions, almost like Santa Clause. But instead of pretend people it was misconstrued ideologies of bible interpretations. Yes all the people I was allowed to befriend as a child believed the same thing. Yes. Sometimes I miss my friends and wish we could all come out of darkness.
But most of them cannot talk to me based on the fact I go to church. Because we were raised to believe we should never go into one. Anyway, back to the point at hand, I was raised to believe unscriptural things for example like paradise would be on earth. But I read paradise was in the third heaven. You know I had been born into that religion that remixed bible doctrines. Yes childhood friend. I did forget everything I was taught as a child when I started learning that the major stuff had been false. Oh yeah that scripture is in 2 Corinthians 12: 2-4. It was when I read that my whole world shifted.
I had been taken out of Egypt like the Israelites because God wanted to set me free from religion so that I was free to worship Him.
Yes. No religion. Especially when the only religion that is acceptable to God according to His word is the one at James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
But as I called brothers searching for repentance and letting them know of my change they called me that word. That D word that meant I had been put out.
What? wait? No meeting? No three elders? Just a decision given to me over the phone on three way with another man.
I am thankful. Had I not been rejected and turned away, I would not be free to worship God my Father in this way by being placed in the hand of Jesus His Son.
I am blessed.
So here I am. Knowing the strong God who brought me out of darkness would be able to protect me after a little altercation.
I mean wasn’t I the same woman who told someone I was never getting married. It didn’t seem necessary to me at the time. It didn’t look like fun.
Fun to me was my career. I’m all or nothing. Back then I was. I am now learning balance. How could I become wildly successful if I am catering to a man which happened to be my habit? Fun to me was traveling. Fun to me was concerts. Fun to me was the thought of painting together, or cooking classes together, or something outside the norm. Fun to me was soliloquies that should have been monologued and scripted and then acted out. Fun to me was poetry. Fun to me was plays and Broadway. You know Savion Glovers bring in the noise, and Alvin Ailey.
Men that looked like me seemed to like the block, or Jay’s, that they profiled on the block, or speakers in trunks to blast in the hood while they were waiting on getting out of old schools with chrome shoes to show off their Jay’s. Or. Movies. Cliche. Or dinner. At Fridays.
I mean I may be a product of the hood, but I am not a ghetto progeny.
I like the arts.
I was limited.
I get bored easily, so I have learned the art of chill.
Especially now in my new walk with Christ. Now that my Savior keeps me, and keeps my flesh from running to flesh to meet needs that only spirit can meet. Only His precious Holy Spirit.
So I’m chilling.
I am learning. Like every great student I get excited about what I learn. I just be wanting to share.
I can’t boast about what I learn. I can only boast about the fact that Christ is willing to teach me something. Me?!? Y’all.
Me who used to be nothing. Used to spend some months sixty hours knocking on folks doors and handing out pamphlets because I thought if I didn’t do that God would not accept me in His final day and not allow me to live in His Paradise which I thought was going to be on the earth.
See I never believed paradise was in heaven. But some will actually read that and still believe God made a mistake. I mean my God. Deliver us. I was once so indoctrinated.
So. Yes. I enjoy my single life. I do what I can do right now to become a better version of the woman God called and created me to be. Its just now I believe somebody out there will be willing to love me and my quirky self just the way I am. I learned that because I truly believe now that I have a relationship with God that He loves me and since He created me He created me to be a match for someone too.
Its not my focus.
Its my understanding.
I sit in patience. What is for me is for me. God called me out of darkness to do something I have yet to understand what it is. So until then I keep busy.
I write a blog. I love writing. I write.. Sometimes, when my creativity is ignited. I read. I work. I love on my little girl. I go out with my girlfriends. Cause most of us are living. Single. In a not so nineties kinda world, I’m glad I got my girls. Ha. I Strass shoes with beads or add bowties to shirts. I plan karaoke outings and reggae wind ya body fun times. I read my word. I talk to God. I make up songs for Him. I live and I live more abundantly. Cause Christ came to get me and give me life. I keep busy to resist the devil so he can flee. And I choose not to entertain the attentions of men I know God has not said is the one for me.
See now I let thoughts pass by and wait on Gods hand showing me. Be real about what I need and allow God to meet them.
He knows the plans.
He cannot fail.
So I just watch Him work and in my praise cheer Him on!