I once foolishly wrote a blog.
Who wants that perfect love story anyway?
Silly me. Maybe you’re still reading but I thought my Jay was my Victor when all he wanted to do was conquer me. Leading me back into old behaviors. Trying to combat my celibacy. Trying to get me to hit the B. I guess he wanted to see me turn away from the one who turned me into this new me.
But I need Jesus.
Lord!! I need Jesus.
So I’m sitting next to this girl on the train and I hear the song on repeat. Who wants that perfect love story. Nah. I have an enemy. His name is Satan. He is real. He doesn’t want people to believe he is but, with all the bad that has happened in my life the more I speak on God’s goodness the more I understand why he hated me to send me through the hell he is soon to experience.
God just knew I was strong enough. So he allowed it to give me strength from this struggle.
So anyway. My enemy wants me to think of someone that was once special to my spirit because I didn’t love me so a person that loved me the way I loved me, nonexistently, was perfect.
No. Why would I want a perfect love story. Why would I want a Rachel and Jacob type love. Did I really think I was worth a man working 14 years to get me? Hurdles and hoops, when I didn’t even love myself to try and overcome all the things which will inevitably kill me and my destiny. I work in a nursing home. I see what a life of mistreating ones body does to them.
So no I didn’t want that perfect love story.
So I hear the music and when I can’t take it anymore I turn to tell her, you do. You deserve that perfect love story.
No you don’t have to stay and stand for a cheating man. I know I walked away, and no matter his many times I show him love and blow him kisses on Facebook trust and believe he doesn’t even have my number to get in contact with me. Exes remain exed when they cheat.
I watched my childhood friend get shunned for the incurable disease that came into her family because of cheating.
Trust me. I’m so good.
I told the young lady. No one deserves to have a man put their hands on them, and mistreat them.
Yes. In struggle I find strength. I will never stay with a man because he might be able to provide more than what I have, when he is mistreating me. No don’t think you can put your hands on me and I’m not calling them peoples. Forget fighting back, I’m a lady. Forget weapons I have a daughter to raise. Them people will get you and a good stint in lockup will keep you from being around me to hurt me. If he chooses to stay away from the part of me that’s also a part of him well that’s his choice.
I want that perfect love story anyway.
I tried my best not to pay attention to the sore on her upper lip and where someone else may not have spoken to her because of what the sore looked like and an assumption I just knew I wish someone had told me that thing myself. But am just thankful Jesus told me when it was the right time for me to be receptive to hear it.
She agreed. We held a long discussion about why she felt women should be alone get to enjoy being by themselves before being around another.
Of course that’s my spiel so I nodded enthusiastically.
I reminded her of how beautiful she was and in seeing beauty amongst flaws I am reminded that I should always know my worth.
Yes. I do. I want that perfect love story. Whenever I am ready. Whenever God allows. Ready to walk in obedience. Stories turn into books, turn into movies for the big screen as we act according to Gods will for our lives and become all He has prepared us to be.
So until then I remain busy and happy. Waiting on the Lord God Almighty to give me my perfect love story anyway.