What happens when you’re hurting and you don’t know how to deal with the pain?

You substitute the pain for things, and then addictions are created.

I know.

I used to be addicted to things, people, substances, etc…


See I didn’t want to talk about what hurt me. I thought if I smiled hard enough or if I laughed loud enough, or if I lived more than enough no one would be able to see how much I was hurting so it was almost like it didn’t exist.

Yes. I knew pretense.

So. One of my favorite people at my gig tried to take their life. My heart was crushed. We worshipped together. I was at work the day pastor had a sunrise service. She was uneasy. So we thanked Jesus together. We shouted hallelujah in unison. We said glory together.

Then someone talks about the life of addiction this person had. Everyone has an addiction. Some people are able to hide theirs, or society accepts some habits. Overeaters get caught with waists that exceed the span of their hips and chest. But no one labels them. But the way legs get chopped off because of diabetes, that in itself causes lives to be changed forever. Smokers fill chest with unspeakable things. Then eventually lungs get contracted never able to take a full breath again, as oxygen becomes the new addiction. A necessity actually. Men and women addicted to love, relationships, or even sex go through lover after lover discarding them like toilet paper not thinking about consequences. But if you saw like I have seen the disdain that an HIV patient is cared for in facilities you might think twice about sharing your body so freely.


Pain causes us to make decisions that others can’t quite understand. But its never been our job to judge.

Just love.

Sometimes all we need is a little love. Sometimes all we need is to show a little affection and attention to a hurting heart. Because no matter how much people add to their lives to make them feel better its only love that can bring the dead back to life.

So to all my hurting folk. Love. Is the most precious thing you can have. No meal, no person, no substance will give you what our creator can give us. A perfect unyielding and non compromising love. A love that holds no bounds and never stops. It never gives up it never runs out. It is always and forever. It has been before we were even born.

See. I know what its like to want an out. To run to substances. To love and leave. To never love at all. To over eat. Purge. Eat again.

Then I found a relationship with Jesus. Not just going to church. But a real relationship. Where He shows me what I ask Him to let me see. We commune. We fellowship. I read the word that He said he is. The Word was with God. The way the truth and the light.

Light to path my darkness, love to mend broken beats once heartless, truth to shake the lies and take away all guesses.

So now I have a stop button on my fork. I’ve been shown grace and mercy so I am praying for strength to keep me so I will only share my body with the man God chooses for me, after he marries me. And smoke has not filled my lungs in almost two years.

So today. I take pain. I replace it with love. And I show it and shower it on everyone who settles in around me.

Maybe I can’t be superwoman. I can’t save anyone. That is my Saviors job. But I can, and I will continue to show love!


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