Last year I fell in love. At the age of 32. I fell in love for the second time.
That may not be a big deal to many, but it was the second time in a lifetime of too many potentials.
See I was the chick that didn’t want to get married because I knew he would bore me, I would probably cheat, and then dismiss him.
Thank God for change! Cashing in on that change that keeps me grounded and rich in more then just Frank’s, and Benji’s.
Unfortunately for me I am not an emotional chick. I think logically. I would rather analyze the situation than cry about it. I mean it must be a reason why you’re screaming at me or looking at me crazy. I’m not going back at it with any dude. I like peace. I’ll be quiet.
Like I said. I’m not an emotional chick.
I was though for a quick second. After my mother died, but that quickly got old and tired fast.
I fell in love last year.
Now usually. It doesn’t take much for me to walk away. One lie. I’m out the door. One bad conversation I wont let you back in. Oh no. You better not curse at me, I’m going in.
You ever seen as pretty a sailor as me? My mouth yo!! Its reckless. I’m still asking for deliverance.
But I fell in love.
He was quick to show me one of his many ‘girlfriends’ he kept on deck. He was not going to leave the street life because his family came first. He smoked. A lot. Bending corners to find trees to climb so he could get lifted. And here I am passenger seat.
Who wants that perfect love story anyway. Cliche!
Yes. I was in love.
As he regaled tales of near death. I saw him retaliate. He didn’t have to tell me what part he played. I see.
I see people clearly.
Sometimes I just don’t want to believe what I am seeing.
But. The normally rude gyal, ride or die chick that D boys seem to love had to let go of the man that made her heart skip a beat.
She fell in love with the bad guy, the bad guy.
Once his vehicle got shot up on the passenger side no less I had to go. Not because of his life. I used to be ride or die. Now I’m ride and live. But I would a stayed. If only he had come to church with me.
Now though. I realize.
Some can fake the funk. They can be so much more interested in fleshly pursuits, and the things the eyes can see and not the things the spirit causes one to feel and not have a heart for chasing after God!
I was blessed with a life of darkness. That way. I know how to recognize. The difference between what my fleshly eyes can see and my spirit causes me to feel. See I knew a lot of men in my old religion would be running through women in the congregation, smoking weed, in the streets. For as long as they could until they got found out and kicked out. So I know what deceivers look like.
Just like I’ve seen a lot of concerts. I enjoy being entertained, I’ve watched many of my favorite artists work a crowd, sing a song. I mean if you’ve never heard Jill Scott sing live you’ll never know how her voice can never be measured in CD’s or TV performances. I mean her sound is so BIG! But I know the difference. I get carried away in worship just one look at a worshipper, worshipping in spirit and truth.
And since I need God. I need like minded people. Regardless to where they at on Sunday morning. The heart is not always defined by actions, but definitely by words. So just wait on it. A person will show you. Be willing to wait and be able to hear.
So after church today as I am walking to work I see a guy. His whole neck is tatted. Teardrops underneath his eye. Tattoo in the middle of his forehead. He just wants a hug. I give him one. Because really sometimes all we need is a little love. He began to say, thank God. God is good. He woke me up this morning! What? Is the street dude giving God glory?
Here it is. I’ve been like Samuel. Looking at the outer things. Like when Samuel was looking for a Saul replacement. No. It’s not always what it appears to be!
I let my bad guy potential to go good go because I thought I was supposed to have a church guy. No.
No more fallacious thinking!
Whether he goes to church every Sunday two and three services a Sunday. Or he doesn’t go at all the only thing that matters is his heart for God. He will display that in the things he reports, speaks on and shares with the rest of the world.
As He grows his worship will change. And all it takes sometimes for a good man to grow up is an even greater woman!
Who wants that perfect love story anyway? There is no perfection on this earth as long as our flesh is imperfect. There will be some things I won’t like and some things I will have to accept about someone I am going to be head over heels in love with.
They say the third time is the charm.
This time I fall in love. I swear the next time he’ll be my friend.
Yes. I want a friend. My best friend. Who has made Christ his best friend first so he knows how to treat me, the best way he can.
Yes. No more deceit. No ones interested in being lied to in unnecessary falsehood and pretense.
It’s time to stop doing the same thing expecting different results. They call that insanity! And the only insanity I am interested in is the one that will help me achieve abs of steel and buns that don’t quit, with my man Shaun T.
Yes, for real. Its time for sanity!
Its time for real love.