I can finally listen to on the run part II without bawling and crying my eyes out.

Yeah dude.

I was kinda gone on you.

I usually don’t do this falling in love thing, but you happened to meet me at this new creature in Christ me.

That’s why I kept choosing not to hit the B. See God delivered me and I no longer enjoy clouds of smoke blocking my vision from me to be able to see the real me.

No shade on you though. I’ve done the research. I’m an advocate for medical marijuana. If you need it you need it, just don’t abuse it!

Anyway. Once I love. I love for real. I know the real definition of love. I’ve only felt it twice. You were the second to last after a series of fourteen years of hit and misses. Because while you may be attracted to the God in me, and love the real love I give you I believe you’d rather be my friend than my man. So my final destination of love is out here somewhere.

Only God knows!

So.

I’m listening to on the run. Part II. And I did. I thought the part II of me falling in love with the bad guy would be the one to turn your life around.

See me inviting you to church never had anything to do with relationships. I told you once. Those had never been my forte. And you concurred with the fact that what good is the title if our behavior didn’t line up with the names we had assigned to each other.

Deep my friend.

For a young dude your head was almost on straight.

I just couldn’t understand why you keep going back to the street life that stays calling you. When those bullets hit. I thought that would have been enough. But continuously pushing away the source of happiness and peace, safety and protection.

You know I’m not talking about me. But Jesus, without the Jay. Never. Jay could never have made it without Jesus. I hope you remember that moment. Sometimes the smoke causes memories to go up in it. We forget the moments that once took our breath away.

So here.

I’m hoping you have just gotten off work. Doing what you do. Reading this blog. It’s an unmailed letter to you.

See. That day I didn’t want to be kept, but God kept me anyway. I knew my life was about to change. I was still in my feelings back then. But God has plans for our lives. I’ve chosen Him so He chooses me too.

See I didn’t see how sharing my body could apologize for cursing you out. I’m a woman. My body is not a bargaining tool. Its precious. In the eyes of God, a vessel to be used for his honorable purposes.

Yes. My old life is through.

So. I am thankful.

I wanted to feel bad when you talked about where I was living, not working, taking the bus with my daughter. Talking about me, when you said you loved me and I thought love was kind which means it would offer help needed.

Its alright.

We breakup to make up. We fight then apologize. That’s the real basis of friendship. Seeing where we went wrong with the people that love and care about us and correcting the situation.

Because in the end it was the push I needed to get off my behind and put in work!

God helped me. We moved into a three bedroom home. I work full time. Even baby daddy back working to have a check sent bi weekly. So a car note would be nothing, but material things have never impressed me, so they have never been the motive.

Still no shade babe.

All I know is I wanted to get life from you. But God showed me His light and I was hooked.

He says taste and see that He is good.

Yes. Lord.

He’s still knocking on the door of your heart.

Moses ran. From God and his family and friends. All because he murdered a man. And God still used him for a great assignment. Even afflicting his sister with leprosy for talking about him behind his back.

So.

The choice is yours.

All I know is, as you know, I’m a special type of woman to deal with. You have this calming presence that mellows out my hyper. I been saying. Something special about you.

Like you say. I always seem to KNOW. Nah you know that’s God always using me to tell you what He wants you to know. Or showing me what I need to see. Either way it go it’s your time.

The time is now.

You’ve got children to raise.

So how long will your answer to God take to make it a yes?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s