I just wasn’t trying to go to jail.


See what had happened was.

Back back in the day, well three years ago, I roll up on the block. Uninvited. He was sitting in the car with, not his woman, not his wife but his sidechick. His forever side chick. The woman that has seen him have at least nine babies with 8 other women. She has always been there, I mean just there.

I believe you can love someone and just not value them. But how can you treasure another when you have yet to learn your own worth?

Yes she was one of those.

I mean the tattoo he had even got covered up once he came to his senses. I saw it. I shook my head.

Some people never learn.

Anyway. I was tired of taking care of the child that it literally took me almost twenty nine years to have, alone.

I mean it wasn’t that I meant to wait that long. I just happened to be waiting on my husband for my first pregnancy. Okay maybe I wasn’t trying to have kids at all. Ever. Maybe because men scared me. Maybe because my childhood best friends mother died of that incurable disease that she acquired a deficiency in her years of life because her husband couldn’t keep it in his and her pants only.

So yeah, no, children was not really a part of my big success plan as i watched my friend be penalized as children shunned her for something that was not her fault.

Good ole God, pushing Radiance to stay around. Everyone needs someone.

Sometimes though we just forget who held us down before we got put on.

I digress.

Baby daddy. In car. With sidechick. I’m angry.

I’m ready for war.

I’ve never been the scary type. So. I aggravate him. Too petty. Call them peoples and block him in. Yes.

I had some growing up to do.

But his call was one better. Or maybe it was my smart mouth to the officers I called.

Thank God for change.

But exchanges went back and forth. I taunted and tempted the sidechick. She called her sisters, friends and cousins.

You know what scared chicks do. Get their crew. She grabbed pipes.

I was solo.

I had a tire iron though.

But when I tried to be in her face woman to woman she kept running backwards, until I turned my back to her and as she grabbed the sixteen inches of my jet black Mohawk extensions I went down.

Was I just snaked?

When I got up and she was running backwards scared but my smart mouth had already gotten me in trouble with the police officers so they just carried me away.

With the pepper spray in my eyes that was sprayed in my face, and I was the perpetrator.

That devil shole nuff know he busy. Was what I wanted to say. But. Had I kept on my own way minding my own business he would never had a chance to get me in the situation. I had to learn how to take accountability for my actions and behavior, before my walk with Christ.

What is it about me that he stay accusing me falsely and having people whom I held down turn against me? Before I realized I was given power to tread, I stayed in my own mess and kept giving wickedness a hold over me. Yes. It was my baby daddy that signed my go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200 papers.


I was locked up they wouldn’t let me out. Until I was moments away from being processed into the general population of the county jail.

No. Not the county.

Yes. There.

I didn’t even get to lay hands on the girl though.

Oh well. I didn’t even know that then two years before I got saved God was fighting for me. I probably could’ve saved the $2500 I spent on my lawyer, but how would I pursue my nursing career with charges on me? Especially ones that were totally false.

So when someone recently decides she wants to try to provoke me, I’m like no. I will let the proper authorities know. I know God is fighting for me, so I won’t let anything the enemy tries to tempt me into hinder my flow with Christ.

Wisdom. It comes from growth and maturity. Maturity from trading Gods word and no longer feeding on the milk part, but ready for meat and potatoes.

So I know trouble will always come. But I know who I serve.

God is fighting for us, pushing back the darkness, lighting up the kingdom that cannot be shaken. In the name of Jesus the enemies defeated. And we will shout it out. Shout it out!!

So shout. My war cry let’s God know I am totally dependent on Him to fight for me.

Yes my God had been and will continue to fight for me!


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