I don’t understand why men seem to think a woman’s body is a bargaining tool.

I’ve been sharing my body with men that did not know how to help develop, enhance or nurture my mind so obviously my thoughts were in the wrong place.

The flesh is weak. And weakness can not produce strength. So my strong suit is not making choices in weakness!

In my flesh.

See the problem is everything I do I do it to the best of my capabilities. Turning men into what they said they would never be was my
Specialty. Real tears I’d be wiping. Cold heartedly telling them they had served their purpose done what they were needed for and thanks for their time. See no one has ever been able to tame me, or change me. No one has ever been able to keep up with me and all the while i am searching for something outside of myself and it was inside all the time anyway.

No. Though. My body cannot be a bargaining tool.

I know who I am and the value I bring to a mans everything, so I don’t need to prove who I am to him. He needs to prove that he will be able to produce the greatness inside of me that I was birthed to become. So the puzzle piece I will be to complete him will propel him to the highest heights of greatness.

Dead PreZ talked about mind sex. I will fall in love fast with someone that is able to pull the vast intelligence out of my mind and will not worry about what my body do. What my lips feel like. I am not a toy. I am a woman. I am a woman that is blessed in the ability to make everyone feel good so of course I go above and beyond for the one I call my man.

Now my aim is towards a husband.

Someone that will help me build this empire that God will get the glory out of putting me in charge of.

See it’s not about me. It’s not about thousand dollar purses. Or five hundred dollar shoes. Been there had that. When you gotta leave all that stuff behind to walk into a shelter that bag ain’t money in the bank to help you pay a bill.

Yeah. Done living outside my means. I’m living for greatness.

So I sacrifice. I present my body a living sacrifice before God. I choose not to share my body with a man until God says it is alright for me to do so.

Now anyone who knows me knows that’s a sacrifice. I’m good at what I do, and gifts come without repentance so it was nothing for me to always find those that are great like me!

Yes. The woman that soaked bed sheets, comforters, straight streams shooting splashing on foreheads has decided to put the old things away. I get it. I see the disses from exes that knew of the way my escapades would play out. But that’s the old me. I can’t look back and bring that person here. She got busy in private quarters but she was also reckless with the mouthpiece and had the worst attitude.

I mean you want the niceness, but can’t respect the abstinence.

See people that are sharing their bodies with someone that their spirit knows is not for keeps have for real jealousy and insecurity issues. Nah. You don’t have to worry about who I talk to and what I’m doing when you not around when my spirit, heart, and soul knows you’re mine. Because I don’t have to worry about the one who has a rightful claim to you coming along when I KNOW that person is me.

See unfortunately I’m not the one that says I’m in a relationship I’m locked down. I’m not locked down until I say I do. Until I promise before God and witnesses. Until then I am enjoying my time with a person that is either here to stay for a lifetime, be there for me in a season of loneliness, or be a reason and a lesson to last me a lifetime.

I mean everything that feels good ain’t good for you. But when you let flesh get the heart entangled and ensnared, you make decisions a sound mind would never have made in the first place.

Sometimes you take a step back from what the flesh desires because letting the flesh make decisions keeps one from greatness.

Now folk stalking. They all on voicemails figuring out codes. Breaking into Facebook. Driving by to check up on you. Making everyone feel uncomfortable about speaking to you because now you ‘belong’ to them.

But I had someone explain to me that we can never belong to someone else. We belong to God and the God I serve is a jealous God. We are on borrowed time and we are being entrusted to push the next person to greatness so if you are not built to do the job with the person that you are with but stay because of attributes. Like looks, status, things, etc you will lose that person anyway.

So. Knowing I have a job to do and when the flesh gets what it desires and begins to crave and gets in the way I choose to keep my hands to myself.

It’s not easy. But it’s a path that is rarely taken but best invested in.

How though. Can I expect to get things I’ve never had before if I’m not willing to do what I’ve never done before? I’ve made bed rocks. Hearts drop. Bedrooms mopped. Sheets on swim. Players that used to play giving up all their women. Drying tears. From dudes crying. Dollars spending. Yeah.

I knew how to be Wales Bad Girl. Cause I know how to do a few things well. But now I just live to please God. Saying focused on him means old behaviors die because something’s taken focus away from the goal.

The goal is Gods will being done. So I sacrifice. The sacrifice is great. I ask God to teach my flesh to die daily. I let go of the past. I am not who I once thought I was.

Call me what you may. Jesus freak, definitely. But I been called all types of freaks before this one I can actually be proud of. I am living to please my savior. I am living to die to my flesh and the fleshly desires I used to give into so easily.

The backdrop of my story should let you know that’s not easy. I’ve had the creme de la creme. And if we left on bad terms we never stayed there. So a call would be nothing. But God.

He keeps me and sustains me. I don’t have to do anything but accept salvation so since he places no stipulations on me, why would I allow my body to be a bargaining tool?

Nah. I have a beautiful mind. It should be used. So. Learn to nurture and build. There’s something beautiful inside to explore. Greatness to grab hold of.

So instead I worrying about the body, build a foundation that won’t ever be shaken. I can assure you it will be more than worth your while.

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