I am a survivor.

There is no doubting that. I have been through enough things to write about six or seven books.

I’ll catch up eventually. But for now I blog.

I am a survivor.

I once saw the barrel of two guns pointed at me asking for the gold around my neck and the rings on my finger. As I slipped one smoothly into my pocket and gave him the other two I knew that my skillful expertise at distracting one from the matter at hand made me survive.

It’s not what you go through it’s what you come out of a victorious overcomer!!

How long can one stay in victim mode and expect to have the pinnacle of success attracted to them.

Truly. Everyone doesn’t want your sob story without hearing how you got over it, how you’re better, how you let it go!

People out here are looking for hope. People want to know that the pain they have experienced is the type that will one day leave their hearts and be replaced by happiness or joy.

I can dig it.

I believe God.

See I never wanted to believe me saying no and my screams going unheard was to help someone else. But when someone explained to me today that I just need to trust the process in order to truly heal and she had been through it I could trust that my pain wouldn’t last forever and maybe some young woman trying to understand her process may hear my words of encouragement and know darkness won’t last forever. She will learn to love herself no matter who doesn’t. She will learn to see her beauty when her experiences have made her feel so ugly. She will learn to find freedom in forgiveness. She will one day find someone who wants to love her not expecting her to exchange her body, but an exchange of dialogue, time, laughter, and desire that never turns to lust because the desire encompasses her total being! A man that will not ask her to cuddle, him being a perfect stranger, making her feel unsafe all over again with flashbacks to the why don’t men respect no. A man that won’t disrespect her sending pictures to her phone of him in his red or gray underwear. Then she has to shake the visual of this naughty boy turned worshipped because his real life does not match his performance on a stage that was designed for worshippers.

Yes. God is calling for those wanting to worship in spirit and truth. Not lies. Lying down with this one and the next and letting your personal lust permeate through the atmosphere as you sing over Gods people and wonder why people can’t bring their lust to the altar without picking it back up after service. Well maybe it was the worshipper. Not worshipping on truth because his worship does not match his lifestyle. And the ones with fake discernment spend more time looking at the women that need to be upbuilt as the problem instead of the preying predator of a man that smells women toddling along in a new walk with Christ.

Oh well!

See it’s about hope.

Hope for the hopeless!

See I am a survivor. Those things that happened back to back to back in my seven year span that made the bed seem like my most comfortable place begin to spark life. It began to spark when I began to understand the pain underlying the love I freely give to those who are willing to accept it is a reminder to someone that it won’t be like this always.

It’s a reminder that even when it seems difficult. When people that see your pain try to kick you while you’re down. That those that want a place you don’t even know you have try to send you off on order for you to fallback into a depressive slump. It’s a reminder that Gods people will always be imperfect. That there will always be Sauls. Those that are used by God to hold a place for the David’s, those after Gods own heart, who still need time to grow up.

Yes. Hope. Hope for change. For replacing and placing. For shifting. For movement.


In forgiveness love lives. Loving my Savior enough to do what He has commanded me to do. To love my neighbor as myself. That means as I search for freedom from my pain and hurts I want my neighbors to receive it. And how do I find out who my neighbor is? By the story of the Good Samaritan. See it’s not always those that look like you but it’s those that come to your aid and assistance when the rest of the world and the community you expected left you by the roadside to bleed and die in your pain and anguish.

Yes. I live. I learn. I love.

I love me. Therefore I can see my sister as a reflection of me and love her as well. I can love my neighbors as myself because I see me in them and love them for who they are.

That may not mean I need to keep a hurting person in my company because hurt people hurt people. But I can play my melody by way of words like David did Saul so that the change of heart that the negative feelings may go away because as they see me as they see themselves they may not understand how I can accept myself in my imperfect state.

It’s the blood. Jesus. He renewed me. He changed me. And taught me how to see myself as He sees me. Flaws and all He loves me. No matter what. He wants me to be free. And freedom from my past through the blood of the Lamb is indemnity. So I take the freedom that was bought for me.

I take it and run! Run the race with endurance so as to win the prize. So that when I knock on the doors of the kingdom my Savior will open wide with a smile on His face and not give me Matthew 7:23 ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’ Because God is calling for those that are going to worship in Spirit and Truth.

That factor of truth.

I’ve seen too many concerts to know the difference between those that perform and those that give what’s real.


In truth I know I am a survivor. I know God is real. I know He has given me the Spirit of Truth. I know that Spirit will show me everything I need to know all the time. So. Survival. The fittest. Mind. Body. Soul.

Gods will has to be done. My survival mode keeps me ready to do so. I won’t give up until He tells me to. And never forgetting He will never leave me nor forsake me I stand firm. In righteousness. In my new life. In Gods grace.



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