I just realized something today!!

I am a prize. Like a treasure or rare jewel. I am a woman. I am a woman who needs nor seeks validation so my confidence precedes me. Therefore as a woman I will let a man be a man without him needing to prove himself to me. Without needing to know all his whereabouts. Without needing phone access. He’s a man not a child. I will treat him as such and believe God for bringing all dark activities to the light!

I’m a woman. I carry myself as such. Only girls behave childishly.

You know the drill. Childishly throwing tantrums when a man wants to be with and build with his family which may not live in the home with him, such as children with a woman that came before the girl. Well if that has nothing to do with the girl she should have no concerns and let the man be a man.

Like a girl who helps raise a boy. She cooks for, cleans up behind, takes care of a man that has not given her a ring and a last name. I mean there is nothing wrong with helping your man out before he makes you his helpmeet permanently but to do those things continuously leaves a woman in a state of constant insecurities.

I mean the man can leave at the drop of a hat and never look back.

But girls don’t think of consequences. They have no plans so they allow their emotions to rule them.

Trust me. I’m no stranger to the behavior. I took care of a couple during tough seasons. I cooked and cleaned. I played wife to only eventually be left behind. Until I realized I am a prize.

So. I fell into some feelings a couple of weeks ago. He told me a few things but the strongest impact he made was telling me to make sure these men respect me. He kept going on and on about what a beautiful soul I am. How interesting my page was and how it actually lines up with my real life. He explained how he had been around plenty of women that loved to play church and how I was nothing like them. He had been around the church ministering in music since he was twelve and getting paid for it so he paid attention to the small details of women’s behavior.

I was different.

I am now. I asked Jesus to change me. I struggle some days to turn away from my old ways. But he changed me. He has turned me into this new person. This new person many days I don’t want to be because being a confrontational fighting maniac seems more plausible to my inner being. I mean there is comfort in what is familiar. That’s why it’s so hard to change.

So here I am. Understanding even in my craziness I was a prize. Maya Angelou once said you will forget what people say and do but you will never forget how they made you feel!

Yes. When I love. I love hard!!

So. I look at the lives I’ve touched through love. I mean I touched some others in hate but when I touch in love dreams come true. My ex turned his dreams into being a barber and a producer into reality. But it could very well have been the conversation we had that said forget college. Do what you love. If that’s cutting hair do you boo! He did.

Another just recently told me the help I gave him on getting his CDL over the summer came through. He got his permit and was hired by the CTA!

See as a woman I know how to show a man stepping stones up the ladder of success.

I’m going to push poke and prod! I’m going to make sure he’s getting to his dreams not sabotaging them. When I love. Only when I love.

I may be a nag. But trust me. He has to find the success he was meant to attain!!

I am the prize.

I stopped worrying about not being chosen.

Some people like to live in the comforts of mediocrity. Some people wanna blow a couple of bags with the chicks that’s not going to push them to be anything because of fear that him seeing what’s on the outside of their relationship may cause him to pause and second guess the validity of her being the one for him. It’s like a man that needs to pass a physical exam for the police academy being overstuffed and fed by a woman who knows that fat round tire of a belly is not going to get over any hurdles or hoops. But she knows that with her mediocrity of success she can hold and control him to keep his eyes closed to whether or not she is really the one or not.

Shady shade. But I’m just saying. For example!!

So. I fell in love. I don’t throw shade because of any reason but knowing that divine connections are real and wanting the best for those I am connected to. I’ve seen good men go from being at the altar on Sundays for every service then all of a sudden missing all the time.

The devil comes to kill steal and destroy. He is still like Samson and Delilah, using women to do so to men.

But in my state of knowing and finally understanding what a prize I am. I don’t get sad about those who love the mediocre life. I am not concerned about those who choose comfort over that which will get their juices flowing so they become all that God has created them to be.

I talk like this. I definitely back it up. Used to have a big ego. Now I understand that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

So I sit back. Like buried treasure. I’ve been found. Now the digging must commence in order to extricate me out of the dirt that I have been nestled in because only those diligent, eager and willing will go the extra mile to get me.

Oh but the worth.

She’s so worthy! Again. She’s so worthy.

So I reiterate. I just wait on the one my heart loves and longs for to dig me out and if he doesn’t I’m sure another will follow suit. I just never fall below a certain standard because I have finally figured out what a privilege it is for a man to receive my love.

Only the strong willed determined and diligent with much confidence need to apply.

All others will be eaten alive!

So I looked back in my timeline of men I allowed the privilege of receiving my love and saw the good that was produced out of those interactions.

I am a prized possession. Waiting to be treated as I was given a glimpse of. I know what it feels like now. So I wait. Maybe I deserve, maybe I don’t. But really only my Father in heaven who has been my Jehovah-Tsidkenu can really tell what’s what!

I believe God. I believe my sacrificial life will receive blessings that only God can give. I believe as a prize I am a possession most worthy.

And having been chosen for such a time as this! I will indeed carry myself with queen like behavior before the throne of my Father so He will make sure I take the seat He has given and no one else can take away at His table.

Yes I think it’s time.

Time to take my seat!

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