I used to love going to strip clubs.

Not the guys. I’ve never seen a man bare all in a room full of rowdy women.

I liked to watch the women dance.

I would tell myself that was all about getting tips to introduce to my man at home. Or better still I admired a body that I wanted as my own.

The truth is the games I learned to play as a child opened the door to females getting close to me in ways they never were supposed to. It seemed like things were just handed to me. I didn’t know how to tell my mother, but as a child I didn’t know how to process the games we played without the grown ups watching us because they were too busy doing the things that we were just practicing.

Yeah. My mother being a workaholic kept me under the unsupervised eyes of adults that were more concerned with their own needs than the safety and protection of us.

I never quite learned self control. One of my childhood friends remembers us kissing under the table. I realized these were the games we played. I never learned how to be a tattle tale. But I did learn how to introduce the game to others. As a child. Not a teen. Not even a preteen. Not even old enough to be in double digits. A child.

Children should never be left alone. I’m a huge advocate for the safety of children as a result.

Fast forward.

As a young adult women would always hit on me. They would pretend to be my friend then thinking I was in a low place try to push up on me.

Until I met a woman who would eventually become my best friend.

Something about me and February babies. We have this super awesome connection.

She was beautiful. Brown skinned full lipped short and thick. I loved to play photographer as she and I would drink our red wine as climb our green trees. I knew she went both ways, but I had never given into my curiosity.

The time came for us to part ways. I had to leave Boston. I had to return to Chicago. After I left I told her how I really felt and she asked why did I never tell her.

Because I knew. Because I understood. What’s understood doesn’t need to be explained.

I made choices.

So many of the women I knew had given into their desires. Often brining women into their beds with their men and losing the trust and loyalty of a man who never needed to be faithful to his woman because the bed he shared with his woman always seemed to have an outsider in it with her permission.

We all have choices. I had a choice.

15 But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

Joshua 24:15 | NIV

Yes. Before I knew God the way I knew him now I knew his word. So I chose.

I choose God. He chose me so that’s the least I could do.

Yes. I once wanted to kiss a girl but I knew God would not like it.

So I honored my God by making a choice.


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