I can’t lie.
Well I can but no one has ever been important enough for me to really do that for. In my play girl days being silent was the best option, but my silence has been broken.
So. Me. Yes I.
I had always had this spoiled brat thing going on.
I don’t know why my mother felt the need to give me everything she wanted me to have I guess to compensate for me being the brown child from two bright light folk. You know folk was color struck back in my day. So I had gold rings and chains. Butter soft leathers.
I hated that stuff. Those things kept my mother away from me. Those things represented creating a facade to people who don’t matter. Not one of them was there when my mother took her last breath. Not one of them came into my life to soothe a hurting heart after I lost her. Impressing people that never meant a dimes worth of anything kept my mother away from me, our relationship strained, my ability to listen to someone in a position of authority difficult.
Yes. I was a spoiled brat!
To make matters worse being my fathers only daughter and second born gave me the privilege afforded the other grandchildren. Whenever I called and asked for sneakers I would get two hundred to go buy whatever shoes I wanted. Since we live in Chicago and all the other kids had Jordan’s I always had enough money to buy Jordan’s even if I never spent the money for them.
So here I am. I meet a man. Our running joke is about a man that spent over a thousand dollars for a coat for his lady friend. I tease him and say all I had to do was cuddle and I could’ve been in the running for fifteen hundred dollar coats. But my integrity. But I’m spoiled.
I only do what I want to do.
I did. Stuck in my stubborn ways.
Then I met my Savior. Not like in person. I’m speaking figuratively. But I began walking in the direction of the plans He has for me. I began to let His spirit lead me. If He said I could go out with someone by making my spirit feel easy and making the outing easy and clearing the path, I was free to move. But if he told em to stand still I have learned to be patient and wait on Him. See he said He knows the plans He has for me. Jeremiah 29:11. So I began to believe the word would be reality for me. And began to give of myself freely.
In giving one learns more about themselves. I learn that it’s not easy for me to give to those I don’t have a strong emotional connection to. But what if God felt that way about us. But He allows the sun and rain to come forth for the righteous and the unrighteous.
He’s no respect of person.
So when He tells me to do I have to do.
So a few months ago I was in my feelings because a person was presented to me. I thought I should have been interested because others were, but I wasn’t. I go where I want to go. I go 24 hours with no sleep. There is never a good excuse to not go out with someone I want to spend time with. But God. God was preparing that man for someone and preparing me for a man that would best suit me. I just needed to listen. See I had encountered too many men in one lifetime. They were merely a reflection of what God has always allowed me to choose for myself. A man that would spoil me rotten. A man that would give me everything my heart desires and make me lazy and laid back with no real drive to pursue what it is that God knew He formed me in the womb to do.
The enemy kept presenting me with the same man in a different package. The man that buys designer bags, gold jewelry, cars, material things that would only continue to create a longing in my spirit because the material things would never fill my spirit with the things God wants to place inside of me.
Then one ride.
Five + hours had us on the outskirts of Wisconsin. In that one ride with the man of my dreams my life changed. He began to fill my spirit with Gods word. He began to shut down my dreamy unrealistic notions by presenting me with the word of God. He motivates and pushes me to see the greatness that God placed in my life before He formed me. See he is not always willing to make things easy for me. Even though he can afford to sweep me and all my problems away. What good am I to the kingdom if I am never allowed to become the woman God created me to be because I keep getting spoiled by generous men.
That’s my story. That may not be the next woman’s. Some women never experience a generous, loving and doting man in an entire lifetime and their faithfulness to God deems them worthy of having a good man lavish his time, talents and treasure on her.
Be blessed and enjoy the blessing.
But as for me. This spoiled brat needs to work. Whenever God makes anything easy for me I never appreciate it. I need to sharpen the edges of my work ethic.
Can’t have a million dollar pay off with a minimum wage work ethic and the way you do one thing is the way you do everything!
So here I am in the year of movement as my Pastor has told us. And wow how things are moving. Only God knows where He wants to carry us. It’s never been good for us to compare one another but just enjoy what the Lord has for us individually.
I promise the maker of heaven and earth will not let you down if only you trust in him.
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him,and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5, 6 | NIV