My guy is a wealth of wisdom.

He explains to me that as a woman if you give me seed I am supposed to multiply it.

I may throw shade but the only reason people really get offended is because it’s get truth.

It’s like taking fifteen hundred dollars my man has given me and buying a purse with it when he don’t even make fifteen hundred dollars in one check. Instead of taking that money and creating an opportunity to make a net gain. Either enriching the home, enriching us as a couple, or putting it away safely.

I mean a selfish wife is not a good thing.

I know about the art of selfish. I practiced it for years. Let my family tell it I’m selfish, lazy and spoiled. Maybe that’s their truth because I have a hard time showing my loving generous nature with people that don’t like me.

Maybe I’m like Joseph.

Maybe I’m more like him than one could know. Maybe I’ve been given away. Had my things stolen from me by the very people I thought were supposed to love. Maybe this prison I’m in now is helping me become a better person by teaching me how to trust in The Lord like no other. Maybe I was sent to live amongst strangers to learn what real love in a family looks like, so I can stop pretending. Maybe I was just always considered a maybe baby. Maybe his maybe not.

I mean according to some family members my mother was a whore. The same woman who shut it down after I was born and didn’t get with another man until her husband came seventeen years later. The same beautiful woman who had men lined up never allowed me to see her even interact with another man and never spent the night away from me.

Yeah. Jealousy still stings in death. She’s not here to speak up for herself so I’ve internalized other peoples hatred of my mother since it had been carried onto me.

So here I am learning how to plant good seed on good soil. I used to plant seed with people that never liked me. So all it produced was more seeds of disdain. People that would never celebrate me and talk more about me behind my back than uplifting me.

It probably had something to do with wanting what I wanted when I wanted. You know the instant gratification clause. Almost like wanting popcorn and instead of pulling out a pot, adding oil, and letting popcorn pop. My generation can just put a bag in a microwave and get similar results.

A wise man said it’s like a cake. Back in my grandparents generation they probably had to milk the cow for milk, go into a chicken hatch for eggs, cream and churn milk to make butter, thresh wheat and do whatever process to refine it to make flour. Whatever they had to do they had to trust a process. There was a process. It was probably lengthy. But they did it. That’s why that generation courted. They took time to become friends. They coy fully batted eyes. They held hands. They talked and communicated with one another and not social media. They minded each other’s business and not the whole worlds on the internet. They gazed at stars instead of television screens.

There was a process.

So here I am. Learning to let go of people that don’t want to love me. Learning to appreciate the people that ride for me regardless of what I have knowing that the love I have to give is priceless. Here I am trusting a process. A courting process with a special someone in my life. Allowing the light of God to be illuminated through our actions so He can get the glory out of our lives. Loving to laugh. Being each other’s motivator, encourager and peace.

I don’t mind going in chicken coops milking a cow or two. I don’t mind putting in the work necessary to have the blessings that The Lord wants to provide for me. Everything worth gaining is worth waiting and working for.

Instant gratification no longer consumes me. The selfishness of only looking out for me is gone. It’s about sharing. But making sure the seed is planted in good ground.

Familial ties don’t create family. And friendliness won’t always produce friends. It’s the work involved in it all. If you are the only one wanting and willing to work maybe that’s not something you should be putting your all into.

It’s about the seeds. The seeds planted.

Who knows the end result. But maybe it’s just the journey that matters in the end anyway!

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