I was headed on my way to living out my dreams.
Watching the tide wash over the beaches of sunny California I Knew I wanted to stay there forever.
I just didnt know what school I wanted to attend.
But we visited all the major schools. 10 days, 7 cities I believe. Its been awhile and bad habits of old have short term memory in dire need for restoration. School tours of PhD programs for us being called McNair Scholars.
We went to Stanford, UC Santa Cruz. Do you understand how epic that was? For me to be in the building wheree Angela Davis office was? I mean I once wrote.
“Forget that! Wheres the revolution/Cause I’m like Assata runnin/no need to but willing /to bust my gun and/The fighter in me will fight for some ordinary mess/But For freedom, Ill be a black panther power to the people type chick”
Yes. Yes. Yes. Just like Ms. Davis!
I knew I wanted to teach my people. I just didnt know what. But I was tired of the same ole. The disenfranchisement. The nihilistic attitudes. The fact that we so caught up in Michael Kors, Louis V I mean I dont really know too many names. Im not a brand whore. But we so caught up in designer labels to brag that we can’t open and own our own companies.
The 71 year old man that rode with me the other day spoke of a time where all the gas stations and mom and pop stores in our communities were owned by people of color. But when we stopped supporting each other and doing this house negro, field negro commpetition thing everything fell apart.
So. Here I am. Wanting to educate, but knowing nothing.
I dont tell many so here it is now. I had no formal education from the age of 14-20. God let life school me. Thats why I dont quibble and argue with people about their beliefs. God took care of me. He taught me. He guided me. He sent people in my life and by moving under the unction of the Holy Spirit and being obedient they enriched my life.
See the best friend I chose after first moving to Boston was the one girl no one liked nor wanted to befriend. Her hair was a meess all the time. Her underarms were rank. I would smell her after she went to the bathroom. But I loved her. And when I felt that gentle tug in my spirit, a nudge to help her i did. We talked about drinking more water and carrying deodorant around. We talked about washing the body more when you have a more rotund backside, and honey chile. I relaxed the mess out of them edges! I gave her style tips. Her family was from Montserret and I gave her a lil CHitown swag!
In return, she would give me notes andd quotes from her lessons with Doctor Cornell West. She would invite me to class with her, but my own fear kept me immobilized. She schooled me. Not surprising shes a teacher toting degrees from Harvard and two Masters.
Then my first love sharing his love of literature. We read their eyes were watching God together. We discussed. We took silver ink to black paper and created a flow that synced us together beyond our physical boundaries. We were mentally connected. Thats why 16 years later we still friends.
Then the man who I chose to remain friends with even though I never felt we should act on his attraction telling me I was too intelligent. I was supposed to be in school. Not just working. God led him into my life because after that I decided to take my GED and went straight into junior college. My punctuations may not be so strong but two semesters of English is hard to teach someone who had all that time off between Elementary School and such. I know its an excuse. Im getting rid of lazy this year.
So no. I dont argue with people about what they think they know. God been teaching me all my life. So much so, I left my junior college with a 3.7 GPA. Got A plusses on most of my English papers, and got accepted to UIC where I was introduced to the McNair program that paid me to travel and research and write. Lengthy twenty page papers, and public presentations in front of faculty, students from all over and staff, had little me hood chick from the Chi and Bostons Roxbury kinda nervous and shook. The non formal education shouldve meant I was never supposed to be there. But..
That was none of me. The God that sent His Holy Spirit to lead me. To guide me and teach me!
He only speaks what the Father tells Him through Jesus.
John 12:49 For I do not speak of myself, but from the Father who sent me and commanded me what I should say and what I should speak. John 16:13 But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.
And thats why people who delight in glorifying themselves and the knowledge they believe places them above others is not to be trusted. I dont want to be right. I want God to mke things right in your life. Pray for the Holy Spirit to come. Know there are some things you might have to give up as He will not dwell in an unclean temple. Andd since Jesus says if you love him you will keep his commands, its no surprise why so many seek knowledge outside of God.
But its all for the Glory of God!
He said, 1 Corinthians 1:27-29 27but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, 28and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, 29so that no man may boast before God.
What good is knowledge with no wisdom to apply the knowledge. If you know something and dont know what to do with it what is its purpose. To make you sound good? Look good in the eyes of man?
If all things are to bring Him glory how can we boast and say we did it and take away his credit.
Because I write for days. Chapters line books. Poems run over ten minutes. Metaphors and similes. He gave me this gift.
Yes. Beyonce schooled life, and God let life school me. Just a GED and an associates degree. I mean I got kicked outta UIC for goodness sake. (Lack of support with a new baby, and emotional tidal waves had my desire for success turned down, but I digress) See that was never relevant to God. He just wanted me to say God did it.
So, when, WHEN, i get the support to go back and get what belongs to me, bachelor degrees, Masters and PhDs it will only be to move in the circles where those things are required to validate me, but I know whos really going to graduate me!
And I’ll say God did it, Because He did!