So.

I knew God the Father. YHWH. Or English translated Jehovah. I knew Jesus. I never knew Holy Spirit.

So I started a job 2012. There was a man. He was not necessarily my type. But he had some words for me. He had a ride home for me from Niles, IL to 55th and Ashland. He had love for me. 

He was my homie.

We would talk for hours while at work via walkie talke, failing to allow the base to be able to get in contact with us often having to come across our computer screen asking us to clear our lines. But the voice of God resonated loud and clear. I learned the Holy Spirit is not a force like the wind as I had been miseducated to believe. 

John 16:13-15 13 But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. 14 He will glorify me because it is from me that he will receive what he will make known to you. 15 All that belongs to the Father is mine. That is why I said the Spirit will receive from me what he will make known to you.”

 He. He. He. is not a force like the wind. He had been depersonified. I once asked one of the ladies I studied with as an adult what does it mean to blaspheme the Holy Spirit. She could never find the answer, despite the fact she had been in that organization for over thirty years, and her husband was one of the elders.

Seek and ye shall find. Knock and the door shall be opened. I began to talk to God myself, and asking Him to reveal himself to me. So when this man comes to explain the Holy Spirit to me I knew God wanted me to know Him fully, all parts of Him. Father, Son, Holy Spirit. I mean wouldnt it make sense as to why those are the names we are baptized in. Three cant make one in the sense of it all. But God is not one of logic. His ways are not our ways, nor his thoughts our own. He just wants us to walk by faith and not by sight.

So. My guy friend and I get too friendly. Of course. I was still in my flesh and wondering about God but not willing to give up a few of my bad habits yet, because I had yet to develop a relationship with Him. And my friend loved God but wasnt ready to grow up yet, stuck in stagnation. Using grace and mercy, unyielding.

We lost our drive for a desire to put God first. We began to focus on each other and somewhere in the middle of it all we stopped giving God the glory He was due consumed by illegitimately consumated bonds.

Lord! We need you Lord.

And what happens is what always happens anytime I put anything before God.

I lost him. I lost my friend. In melees that included draggings from cars, jumping on backs, ugly words as the rain washed whatever love we had for each other down into the drains.

But time heals all wounds. God forgives so we learn to accept His forgiveness and give it to those who have once offended. 

These days I ask God to show me what He wants me to do with people, and who He wants them to be in my life. I cannot date anyone because I am enjoying life after healing. My closed wounds are still tender to the touch and I just dont want to go back there. 

So my friend comes back. Talks of what if God wanted me to be his wife. What ifs, line possibilities that I can no longer see because I grew while he was standing still. It seems to be like that. But letting go works like that. If the other person grows into what they are supposed to be doing then weve grown seperately into a place where we can pick up where we left off, but if the same drama of three years ago is what we are still dealing with then that person kept going in circles cycles on repeat.

I’m sorry. I been scrubbing my dirty laundry. A few things still left with residue but I am still cleaning, allowing Gods Holy Spirit to lead me out of the darkness that once overtook me. The dark interactions with dark people.

So. Dude called me friday. I wwas about to have him meet me in the area I was until I noticed a revival going on and told him I was going in. He could too if the Spirit of God led him. He did.

See maybe my assignment isnt to be making friends into boyfriends, and fiancees, and hubbys. Maybe my only assignment is to show some men that enter my life where they can find the freedom I have been blessed to attain. 

And if that is the case, I love my friends dearly. I am patiently waiting on God to show me who is for me and enjoying my singleness because it is a gift!

See. I’ve had a few men claim, and even believe they wanted to marry me. If I didnt feel God in the situation, and knew that was where I was supposed to be I believed the signs showed to me and waited. See not every man is going to know how to handle me, as I am not going to know how to handle every man. And what good is trying to develop into ones best self in terse and tense situations.

Yes. I develop friendships. I am an encourager. I motivate. I show love. I am a ball of love and light when dark people are not in my life. Like I told one man, maybe I am not there to be there for the long haul but maybe just to teach you a few things to carry on to the next woman to be a better man for the next woman. If that is the case it is so. I do so with love all the while giving my all!

So every interaction is not supposed to be acted on. Every door should be closed, and situations should be finished before opening the door to a new one.

I mean friendships are a blessing! Only God knows and will show us what they are to become!!

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