Galatians 5:18-25 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 

Okay so we got that out the way. 

I almost got out my body a week or so ago. 

It all started with one drink. Already I had defiled my temple, and how could I be the temple for the holy spirit when I am doing one of the things that won’t get me into the Kingdom of God. drunkenness. I can try to act like I just had a drink to have one, but what fun is having a drink if Its not to get drunk. I mean the flesh that is in constant war with the spirit wants what it desires.

That drink. Led me to another place and another and another, and now I am giving my flesh exactly what it wants. 

An all out cursing match with someone I am supposed to be loving. 

He zero tolerance and so am I. 

So eff it.

and we did. We effed it and left it right there.

But I still got them keys, and he got my clothes, hair dryer, womens products, shampoo, conditioner, etc etc etc of mine at his house.

But I’m not ready. I’m not ready to let pride get me to saying some more things I regret and falling deeper into the pit of quicksand. I’m not ready to see him to exchange all of our stuff because this couldnt have been a coincidence.

The day he got on my bus, i felt the urge to spruce myself up and put on a little perfume. I had been looking a mess for a couple of weeks in my feelings about peoples misbehaving. But here he comes, he had been looking for me. 

That next day, ex one and two and three trying to distract me from getting to him. Ex one made my hair fall out in 2013 with all his lies, game playing and alibis and he was hiding a relationship he just came clean about recently on the actual day he called. ex two is a cruel man unkind to children and women. Known to be a pimp he likes to call being a mac, and he hit my daughter on top of her head because she accidently kicked him excited to be eating at the restaurant. I woulda tried to fight him, but the reasoning person I am today said, Radiance, he’s 325 pounds. youre not going to win this fight. then ex three sent me to jail, and I had to sit in the county and once released had to try and figure out how I was going to get the transfers to get back to the jail where my wallet was.

yeah all those options were a no go so I headed to what I believe to be my future.

and we went to church together the next day.

His pastor was preaching about how when it was time to find Isaac a wife Abraham didn’t want him to have any woman from the world. So he sent his servant with a nose ring and some other trinkets and gifts, to fetch Rebecca. 

Yes!! Whenever anyone says anything about a woman of God having a nose ring, I give them that account of Rebecca. 

Read your word.

Know God is not a God of the outside appearance, so forget what you think you knew about Him. Read His word and meet him for real.

Anyway. That was all the confirmation I needed to move forward.

Then whenever we would get upset with each other and I would go in in prayer, and he would be like okay bae. Lets go in the house, forget this stuff. 

When we would wake up in the morning and I would read him the scriptures that came through my text messages and we would have great days from there. 

When I went through his house praying and fell to my knees in worship and the music from youtube went from Taylor swift to worship music. 

When he reminded me not to cry but to pray.

When I’m usually eating everything in sight, but with him I didnt have a desire to eat anything and was not hungry. I fed myself off the word of God and in prayer.

How could this man be wrong for me?

But when I quenched the Holy Spirit and decided to go after my fleshly desires and the fruitages of the Holy Spirit couldnt be seen in my behaviors. Peace was missing. Love that bears all things was gone. Forbearance was gone. 

I looked that up. That means a desire to not retaliate. That tit for tat. Because since he was outside in the streets I went to the club.

But I stood on the wall crying half dutty whining. My lil sister grabbing me by my arm like nah we not doing this up in here. I didnt even have a drink and didnt want to be there. I just wanted to be wrapped up in the arms of my man.

I just wanted to cradle his face smothering it with kisses.

I didnt want to be fighting. I didnt want to be hurting like this. Because our meeting was not by chance or by accident. There was no coincidence.

So I have learned a valuable lesson. 

The Holy Spirit leads me into all understanding and truth. He helps me maintain the self control that is required for me to stand as a woman of God and not fall back into the old behaviors that had me caught up in a worldly lifestyle.

So. Now I let my flesh die. Let His Spirit. God the Holy Spirit rise up and purge me so he can reside in me because greater is He who is in me than He who is in the world.

yep. no coincidences. The Holy Spirit led me. I made choices. But just because I fell dont mean I stay down. I make ammends and keep it moving. Moving forward and upward. God has a plan.

So I let His plan be made manifest in my life, but being a willing participant.

Its time to grow up and make better decisions.

I can only do that with Gods help!

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