I have grandmas number stored in my phone as G-Ma. 

Because she’s a G!

Little feisty woman. All five foot even of her. The woman who used to tuck her .38 under her hefty bosom. The woman who used to run down the street to join in on whomever was trying to fight my daddy. The little woman who would whoop my grandfathers whores down. The ones who would be all in his face, in his lounge, and smile while talking to her girlfriend who walked in afterwards as if nothing of the sort ever happened.

She’d tell the women who would call looking for money he kept his jar for cash for women in the garage. You know the ones who liked to put their mouth in places where the sun didn’t shine. They could go out there and do what they do to get what they needed. She would remind them that cause was his wife and wasn’t going to do those types of disgraceful things!

But her words were a tad bit more vulgar.

Yep. She a G to me. Probably where I get most of my crazy from. 

She taught me a lot.

I just never wanted to learn how to stand in a relationship through thick and thin. 

I never had the time for the foolishness. But it was more like I never found one I wanted to go through the storm of life with.

Until now.

But I asked her today. With all she had to go through with my grandfather would she do it again. 

She said. I’d rather live in your world than live without you. 

In the words of Ms. Knight. Midnight train to Georgia style!

I had something to think about.

She said to me. I, much like my momma and daddy, am kinda stiff hearted and crazy.

See they were supposed to be together. They loved and they were a couple who made others smile just to see them. 

But my daddy did something. My momma reacted. She took me away and by the time he wanted to make amends it was too late. My mother had stipulations my father wouldn’t meet. They parted ways.

My father died alone at the age of 39. He should’ve been at the hospital. My mother with her penchant for nagging would’ve made sure he was at the hospital and maybe his life would’ve been spared. 

And maybe if they had been together when she was diagnosed with breast cancer he wouldve made her go to the hospital. He would’ve made her get treatment. Maybe I wouldn’t have had to be an orphan in this world. 

Orphan as I see it. 

Maybe when pride gets in the way we forget that children are the ones who get lost in the cross fire and they wind up losing what they need the most. 

Us: we get so caught up in nothingness that was never supposed to separate us in the first place.

For the first time in my life I found someone. I’d rather live in his world. Than live without him in mine. I don’t want to imagine what that world looks like. Not for real. Not forever. It felt like I finally met my puzzle piece. 

I might have a little flare for the dramatics. Maybe I’ll find the feeling again. But my momma never did. My father never did. You love who you love and can’t help it. 

So to the fathers. Think of your children. Hold your pride. Take the time to figure out what’s best for you and yours. 

Sometimes staying with someone just to be there creates more problems. But if you rather live with that person in their world, than live without them in your own make things work. Make it right. For the family and for your own betterment as a man.

See my grandma. Spoiled by this man she been through the fire with. Sits in her husbands retirement chair. He chose the chair just for her thinking that after all the years of his 12 hour days of work, two hours of travel time, he still wanted to make sure the woman who had been ironing his shirts, cooking his food, taking care of his children and his household was comfortable. 

See G-Ma sits there praying for his health and strength. And at 80. 81 in October he can’t stay in retirement and still works 12 hour days, fixes my car, and my cousins and bathtub. He paints the building and cuts the grass on his off days. He has more than enough money for someone else to do it. But he still keeps on going. 

See the man that finds a wife. A wife. Not a woman who tears down, but who Prays for and strengthens him and is a helpmate. Not helping herself to that which will keep him down but helps lift him up. Works side by side as a team. The man who finds that has found favor with God.

So appreciate your good thing. Stop trying to look outside of what you have. God has blessed you!  

Again happy Father’s Day my fathers out there. I hope y’all all find the blessings that my G-Ma and grandfather have sustained all 65+years. Love that’s meant to last.

Love that lasts. 

See when I learned what Love was because I learned who God is and God is love. I know love.

The enemy comes to kill steal and destroy with the fairy tales of intolerance of what love is. But Jesus came to give life and give it abundantly. So believe God. Know God. Know love. Know self and know lovig the one who makes you your best self!!

I’ve decided. I’d rather live in his world. Than live without him in mine.

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