I think I had a better Fathers Day than some of the Fathers I know.
I woke up early. I was so tired. Of course I didnt want to sing. But I pressed and pushed and after 7:30 service here comes BFF ringing the telephone asking if I wanted breakfast at The Original House of Pancakes.
Well yes BFF. I know how well we are connected in spirit but if you reading my pancake filled thoughts on a sunday morning aint nobody got time for that.
I so love my BFF though. He’s like sunshine on a cloudy day. Reminders of peace and purpose. Reminders of God’s promises. Reminding me to not beat myself up so bad about falling into sin when i called him teary eyed, and ready to beat myself up for letting the devil get a foothold. And I can be trasnparent with BFF because the bible tells us to confess our sins one to another, and since the Lord has helped me get myself back under control my appointment with my Pastor wasnt even necessary. I am already looking and feeling better. Even though I’m still kinda in my feelings that the scheduling clerk made me miss the appointment even after I asked him if he could let me get a run that would have allowed me to go meet, but God is in control of all, and maybe since God knew I was better He didnt allow me to make the appointment because I was better anyway and pastor is such a busy man anyway.
Anyway back to BFF. He with his loving and soothing encouraging words reminded me that I dont have to live in condemnation for the sins of my flesh. I belong to Christ now, and His blood covers my sins so I dont have to be a slave to the law. I am not a slave to the law because nothing I could do would merit me recieving what God is giving freely through his grace and his mercy. See Romans 8:1 comes to life in my life. I am no longer a slave to sin. When I finally reached that I’m done point. I have a helper in the Holy Spirit that will keep me from traveling down that road for keeps. I fall but I don’t have to stay there.
Anyway. We eat. We happy. We church.
Church part two.
I went in on the altar in worship.
See I may have traits that others would consider me being a bad person. I may talk a little wreckless. I may have somewhat of an attitude. I may get a little feisty, which means I live to love a good fight. I may curse you out still in my mind, as my mouth is learning to silence itself. But I will make even a bigger fool of myself than that before the Lord like David did. 2 Samuel 6:14-22
Yes. I love God. With all my might. I guess the enemy thought i was going to fall down in defeat when a man chose to make someone comfortable over me whom he was calling his future. Or telling me he was mine. Nope. Because whatever the Lord wants to do he will. I believe sometimes God allows us to go through storms and trials because when we suffer we learn obedience.
Jesus suffered. Hebrews 5:8. He learned obedience for it all.
Anyway. Church gets out and i’m headed home and I get a call.
One of my favorite people is in distress. You cannot be in my heart and circle of love and be going through and have brought some joy and happiness to my life and i hear you are in distress and I not come through. I mean if the Lord God ALmighty opens a door with a babysitter, gas money and gives me time to go I know it must be in His will for me to do so. So I do. I go.
We dream. We talk about life. His frown furrowed once again becomes a smile. We eat. We share. We sing. We laugh. We joke. We friendly. We run for buses. We Navy Pier. We poetry. We Jurassic Park. We build. We hope. We talk. We believe. We just be.
No expectations. No requirements. We just be.
I realized. Had I stayed where I was, I wouldve been all in the hood. The hood where ratchedness be all we know. No one has the desire or room to grow. No one wants better. No one wants to travel out the hood. No one wants to downtown, or divvy bike. No one wants to escape the duldrum of a mundane life. Everyone wants to wallow in a comfort zone and pretend like they made it because they got a highly noted car parked on the side of an apartment they using section 8 to pay for.
Or working two jobs missing out on this experience we call life.
Ms Minaj said it best. Everybody dies but not everybody lives.
I write because its my passion. I like the way words inform, bring to life, entertain, teach, soothe, nurture and heal. I love the way my words can love on and I’m trying to steer clear from the words that tear down and destroy. Its hard. Hurt people hurt people. But loved people love people.
I used to want what I wanted. Now I just want the ones who want me. The ones who want to encourage me, and understand me. The ones who know I may be nice today and mean tomorrow. I am a work in progress forever until the Lord changes this body into one more like his own and I no longer a slave to this flesh that makes me do wrong when I want to do right! Romans 7:21-25
21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
I can only apologize for so long. But we must forgive. In all fullness, as God does. Throwing our stuff into a sea of forgetfulness. And continue to allow the good work that God brings us together with others in the faith to do. I have learned forgiveness.
One of my sister friends hates when I tell people of the things she has done to hurt me. But as with time, and the healing of wounds, when the Lord is ready to put us together again as she prays with fervor and power approaching the throne of Grace with confidence and boldness the heavens pour out the answers. The Holy Spirit is ushered in and I get some deliverance. Yes deliverance for me most times comes in tears. Where I never cried in the world for too long I have spent the past two years in this walk with Jesus bawling my eyes out. But its in my weaknesses I find his strength. I humble myself and seek the face of God.
Psalms 126:5 ESV Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy.
I love the joy I carry with me because of not quenching the Holy Spirit when He wants to move in me and help me shed tears to be mournful of the life I once lived, and thankful for what the Lord has brought me from.
2 Corinthians 7:10 ESV For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whearas worldly grief produces death.
Yes. The grief I cry out to God with is the kind that asks Him to take these things away that are not pleasing to him. I ask Him to put the mirror of his word against my spirit and show me who I am and what is in my heart that is displeasing to him. The pride, the sharp tongue, the unforgiveness were things I had to pray for God to help me get rid of.
Its different for all of us. We all are different, and while some may have similar struggles our struggles are different as well. Its so important for us to just love one another and understand that in our differences we are all still one.
One Body. Of which Christ is the head. We need each other because how could I write my poems and soliloquys if I had no thumb. every part of the body of Christ is necessary, and sometimes the good we produce in one anothers lives is neccessary for our individual walks.
So yes. I was led on Fathers Day. By The Spirit of God. To live life. To live it more abundantly and not stay stagnant and stuck with the mundane everyday things of life.
Every Body dies.
But this body plans to live. And live abundantly!