ok.

So I guess I am still working on my temper.

Dude said I haven’t changed. But peep game he only know me based on the stories told him by a bitter man who has his issues with women because of a few factors. Not my business and not my stories to tell. Not until the book comes out, but it will be a fiction novel…lol.

Anyway. He says I have not changed. 

Because I don’t think it’s appropriate for a baby momma to stay in his apartment with him, and he tell me I can’t be there? I mean if we one big happy family let us be that.

Hold up. Because someone is spreading a nasty rumor. Only God knows the truth about, and I have a few questions, and being as this man called himself my future I NEED to know if that is really true to know what I’m really getting myself into.

Yeah. I went off the deep end. But with that type of stuff all boiling over I don’t know anyone with a temper like me who would have been nicer.

Christian or not.

The truth of the matter is I am a follower of Christ Jesus. A disciple. I tell others about him, as he works on my heart to make me a better person.

I mean Peter. Peter was an apostle. he was in Jesus’ inner circle. He walked with him and watched him perform many miracles. He acknowledged him as the Son of God and Jesus said only God could have revealed that to Him. Matthew 16:17-19 rist

…17And Jesus said to him, “Blessed are you, Simon Barjona, because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but My Father who is in heaven. 18″I also say to you that you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build My church; and the gates of Hades will not overpower it. 19″I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; and whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven.”… I mean they were tight.

Jesus promised to build his church upon Peter. Peter with the temper.

John 18:10 Then Simon Peter, who had a sword, drew it and struck the high priest’s servant, cutting off his right ear. (The servant’s name was Malchus.)

Peter the same Peter who denied Jesus.

John 18:15, 25-27 15 And Simon Peter followed Jesus, and so did another[a] disciple. Now that disciple was known to the high priest, and went with Jesus into the courtyard of the high priest. 16 But Peter stood at the door outside. Then the other disciple, who was known to the high priest, went out and spoke to her who kept the door, and brought Peter in. 17 Then the servant girl who kept the door said to Peter, “You are not also one of this Man’s disciples, are you?” He said, “I am not.” 25 Now Simon Peter stood and warmed himself. Therefore they said to him, “You are not also one of His disciples, are you?” He denied it and said, “I am not!” 26 One of the servants of the high priest, a relative of him whose ear Peter cut off, said, “Did I not see you in the garden with Him?” 27 Peter then denied again; and immediately a rooster crowed.

Peter was still used mightily by God to proclaim the news about the gospel of Christ.

See people love to make you feel as if you are inadequate to do what God has proclaimed you are efficient and capable of doing, because they are not doing anything.

Will I listen to the drunkard, sexually immoral, lying person who is accusing me like my great enemy Or will I walk into the calling that God has placed onto my life?

See I may have had the temper. Cut a couple of people with my words. I get angry. Sometimes. I may have turned my back on the Lord a couple of times with a desire to go back to a comfortable place, or turned my back on him failing to do what He has called me to do, tell of his great name. But He gets me together everytime.

So I may not be everything I want to be. But I am definitely not who I used to be. Everything is intact in that man’s house. Me having a key to someones home and being who I used to bewould’ve  went in there, after he was threatening me, and smashed everything.

But I have changed.

Trust me. The only fight I have ever had was with my mother. Fighting is whatever to me. I’m sure the people from my past are still telling stories about crazy Rae-Rae. It is what it is.

But my change. My desire to walk close at the side of my Savior keeps me looking forward and not towards the past. The only ones who stay looking at the past are the ones who want to be left behind. I do not. So I move forward.

So to everyone who says I have not changed. I really dont care to prove who I am to God anymore. Not to you anyway. God been knew who I am. Therefore I don’t have to show anyone else. He’ll do it for me! I really dont care what you think of me. I really care what you think of yourselves and how much effort you are putting into getting you together.

Don’t worry about me and the changes you feel I have made or have not. Let the proof be in the fruits. Let my life reflect what God is doing in me and in my life. Let the blessings, the things God is doing for me and around me be the proof in the pudding. Actions are a reflection of my sinful nature. See Romans 7:21 21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 

Thats me. I am and forever will be a work in progress. Let sleeping dogs lie. Don’t try to provoke what the Lord is still pulling out of me. 

So change. I keep saying comes in measured doses. 

I can only be who I was created to be. There may be a few glitches in my matrix, but I continue to strive for whatever is pleasing to God, no matter how many times i fall. I continue to get up and do whatever it takes to prove my love for God!

So yeah. Take that. Or take nothing. Its really choices. We can spend so much time focusing on what another person is doing we forget to make sure we are making our own paths straight through the help provided by God.

Yep. I’m not all I want to be. But I can assure you I am better today than I am yesterday!

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