the tin man was my least favorite character in the wizard of oz.

I mean what’s the real use of a heart?

To love a loveless and lawless generation? I’m good.

But I guess that was Gods plan for me when he called me out of my darkness.

A change. Soon come.

Ezekiel 36:26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 

My stony heart caused me to be so cold hearted to those who wanted to love me. I would laugh at their tears. I’ll never forget as one went down my aunts stairs falling over his own feet, crying deeply that I chuckled for days about the event. His own flesh and blood didn’t even want to reach out to him. I definitely didn’t. 

Oh well. All the laugh lines that the past reminded me that went across his face for my pain. Oh freakin well.

He wasn’t the only though. Men have been kicked out my place at wee hours of the morning for their transgressions. They got dissed repeatedly. My heart was hardened.

So here I am now. Trying to figure out why I can’t get over this last situation. It’s almost been two months. My hardened heart of stone is finally coming back to life. I am being renewed. 

Is this what these men I hurt just for the nonchalance of it were feeling? Because I promise I never really cared.

But while I wasn’t paying attention, somewhere along the lines I fell in love with my creator.

I mean really in love. 

You. Know. That. Thing. 

That thing that causes a woman to be like I’m cutting off all my friends for you. I’m changing my hair for you, what do you like? You don’t like my fake lashes, well I’ll buy some good mascara. Oh you like my more natural look? Is it okay if I just wear a little powder to keep the shine off my nose? You want me to worship with you? At your place of worship? Oh you don’t like me clubbing and wearing revealing clothing? Ok. Cooking cleaning etc…

See when I fell in love with my Father. I couldn’t help but fall in love with his son, Jesus. And the spirit of His Son, Holy Spirit. You know that three for one deal. 

And for me to say his design isn’t good enough that I have to extend my hair, or wear long fake lashes, or clawed out nails. I love him so much I let him know that in my natural state the way he made me I am more than enough. And that’s not to say I won’t ever wear weave, nails or lashes, but as I showcase who he created me to be I am proud to stand tall and say I love the creators creation, because he created me and was quite creative in doing so. 

I’ll change my apparel. No longing desiring to be temptation to my brothers. I want us all to make it and since I enjoy having deep conversations about life and God and hip-hop and black studies, the last thing I want is for my brother to not be able to keep his eyes off my bared cleavage knowing the flesh is weak, or the rotund of not so much of a backside barely contained in too tight clothes.

And being in that clubbing environment full of lust and sinful desires can’t be bringing him Glory. I mean I’m sure there are so many more things I can be doing.

Like learning how to play my guitar. Or working on my poems. Or working on my novel. Or learning a second language. Or exercising. Or hanging out with a friend walking downtown, or bowling, or skating, or something. 

Groupon gives us options.

See this heart that I have been given is free to love my Creator. I love to listen to Him. I wake up in anticipation of what he is going to tell me today.

Jeremiah 33:3 ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’ 

2 Chronicles 7:14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 

He is ever so much closer than we could ever imagine.

I mean. I cried out. I didn’t care who saw my broken state. I didn’t care who looked at me wondering why I was so broken. It was between me and God. I humbled myself before him, not caring what man had to say or what they were thinking, because they couldn’t fulfill the longing I had in my heart anyway. 

So now when I see his words illuminating my life and he teaches me and shows me how to live a life pleasing to Him, that will cause me to have the joy, and peace, but most importantly, love, I perk up and pay attention. When God speaks through his word, I listen with the ears he has given me.

My once stony heart is now restored. 

Joel 2:25 he promised to restore unto me the years the locust have eaten up. Locust eat crop. Love was placed inside of me, but the interactions with lawless people lacking integrity hardened it.

So. Praise God for a change. I’ll get over this heart ache. It will probably be gone before I end this blog. Yes. It’s definitely gone, because I started this blog a few days ago and God healed my heart yesterday. My yesterday is a few days ago after the blog actually gets published. I write sometimes weeks in advance. But back to the story at hand. 

My heart is fixed. No band aids needed. Jesus is the master fixer upper, and for that I am forever grateful!

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it. 

So now I just guard it. No more letting just anyone in. My job placed me on a five month probation before allowing me a secure place in the company that isn’t really all that secure. I’m going to start doing people like that. Six month probationary periods. I’ve been through to much just to let the undeserved sit at my table and throwing more pearls to swine. Letting seeds people plant in false playfulness to be able to penetrate a heart full of love with seeds of hurt harm and hate is no longer an option.

Yes. Life is becoming more and more enjoyable these days, I’m guess since I finally have a heart a heart to love and celebrate life with, it can’t help but be so.

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