It really could be so simple.

My last day of probation and as I’m headed to the babysitter my car gets to shaking, rattling and rolling.

I’m like it must be the engine! 

Lord I knew I should’ve put some oil in my engine. 

But then I get to remembering the back tire that I just had a funny feeling about for a few weeks. Everytime I would see someone pulled over fixing a flat I would zone out and zone in on them. Anyway. After my ride out of Chicago to pick my friend up for Father’s Day, I just decide to check the tire to see. And there it is. A bubble. 

I should probably get that fixed right?

My friend was like well if you made it out here you should be okay. 

So I felt like I would be okay for about two weeks and here I am with a tire.

A flat. And I have to be at work in less than an hour.

On my last day of probation? 

With my little lady in the backseat? 

So now I have to walk back. Leave her with my tired grandmother then try and get to work.

So.

Am I really about to leave my car here?

Yes.

I had to leave my car. When something is not moving what use is it to me?

It made me think about people.

There have been some people in my life whom I have loved who were not moving in the same direction as I. 

Why stay in a vehicle that is not taking you anywhere? Why stay in a relationship when you are not moving forward? Why stay around those who can’t take you where you need I be?

See. Me leaving my car there for that moment doesn’t mean that I am leaving it there forever. It means that when it’s time to get it fixed then it’s time to go back and get it.

But I had to wake up. Clean up my house. I had to get some rest. I had to take care of my daughter. I had to get us together before I could worry about moving anywhere.

There was an epiphany in that. Take care of me. My daughter is my responisbility, not taking care of a dead thing that can’t move and i’m surely not about to kill myself trying to push it, pull it a,d we all know I can’t carry it.

I get to thinking about the relationships I have had in the past few years. Men who have been coddled by women to believe that the woman is supposed to take care of them, and not the other way around. They don’t understand the natural order of things because they are missing out on the fundamental part of a relationship with God. Understanding what Christ did for the church they would understand that if they learn to love a woman the way Christ did the church they would never ask of a woman something she is not able to give. 

I have had to literally carry a grown man, broken up here and there. I have been a financial foothold for a man. Thats not my job nor my responsibility. 

All that dead weight.

Like my car i was supposed to do exactly what I did. Leave them behind until they were willing to have what was wrong with them fixed so they could get to mnoving again and be the ones to carry us to our destination. Men carry. Men provide. Men protect.

So to the ones who have been left behind. Never think you have no value, you just werent moving. And what good is a man who is suppoosed to be building with a woman and seems to just be stuck in one place. Life is about progress and growth and if you are not moving in that direction then what is really going on.

So I had to go. I’m focusing on my daughter and I right now. I’m getting closer to my sisters and enjoying life. 

It really is that simple.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s