Life and Facebook

what if life was one big Facebook. 

And we could just walk up to people and press their inner wrist, and like them.

I mean the world could be a much kinder place if more people felt loved!

We were created to fellowship with the creator all the time, and since God is love, we must have been created to feel the presence of love all the time.

So.

This social media thing. 

People frontin, faking and pretending for likes, thinking that type of attention will supersede the loneliness. 

Nope. When all is said and done and you log out, it’s still you and your cat, or dog, or mice that live in the wall scurrying and hiding.

The world needs love.

My words seem harsh in black and white, but when I flash my not so pearly, but oh so natural whites and the soft dimple comes out in my left cheek, and my too soft voice that I don’t like to raise often says those same words out loud, I get a ‘yeah you’re right’.

One like, two likes. Red likes, blue likes. 

People choose.

I have learned love isn’t always sugar coated words lacking substance. Sometimes we have to correct people we see going astray. 

So. I’m Walking to the park yesterday. A man with a ring on his left ring finger, goes down the wrong way to try and talk to me. I inquire about the ring. He tells me he just saw a nice ring and wanted to wear it on his wedding band finger. 

Ok.

Like I told the last married man, don’t play with Gods girls.

Obviously someone has made him think dealing with him is alright. I’m not that woman. Regardless to who is spewing out vicious rumors. I can be nice and brave letting him know how I feel about his lies and married men.

Then when I get to the park a young girl is letting some boy squeeze her behind and kiss on her. I tell her if she don’t stop I’m going to follow her and tell her mom. 

Sounds harsh on paper, but in real life she laughed. My tone and smile is everything. 

I kept on walking. But that opened the door for her to come back and talk to me. She asked how old did I think she was? I thought twelve so I said so, she said she was 16. I told her still. Forget boy talk. She got college and all types of things to be dreaming of. Five star restaurants to be taken to. Traveling places to go to. Not getting caught up with a mannish little boy who only wants her body, and will leave her with a baby to become a bitter woman who doesn’t know how to do much with her life besides talk about how much she need a man, or don’t need a man but finding little to think of besides a man. Forgetting to dream because a man too, all that away when he left her displaying her backside like the piece of meat she was showcasing is all she has to offer. 

I explained to her the potential and power of a black woman with all her beauty and strength. 

Michelle Obama like. 

This is not a tear down. When we get corrected it doesn’t always feel good, but it’s for self improvement. 

She thought so. She listened to me tell of the scholarship to Loyola I gave up for a boy who won’t even respond  to my requests to sell me what he has for purchase. I guess if I had a like button on my wrist she would have pressed it, because every time she would sit on his lap when she saw me make my way back around she would get back up.

It must’ve been respect. The kind way the word was administered.

So. I wonder what kind of world we would have today if more people spent time together in the real world than they did behind phone and computer screens. 

That viable need for love would create less lonely in need of attention, and more rapports, willing to rap and chop it up, wrapping words around ears to hear what words will never say.

Like I need a hug. Or I’m lonely. Or words that look harsh on paper, which when spoken aloud are said with so much love they can’t help but be received.

So. 

Life ain’t Facebook. I almost made the mistake of judging a person by their Facebook page. Like he only has… But his loving caring demeanor and nature. Don’t wow me with a Facebook facade, and you don’t know how to master and maneuver through the real world. I can’t text you if we are in the same room together. We need to interact. And if we do. Yeah that’s too weird to think of.

Life is real. You need a real person to handle the curves and waves of the storms we often have to face alone. Because the rest of the world is too self absorbed in their own stuff to be down for a person who is in a down season. But as soon as bells ring and class starts some people forget who was encouraging them and rocking with them while life was hitting them below the belt.

Because life ain’t Facebook. It’s real. Not fake. Books that hold no real story lines. 

So. No more judging based on the premise of Facebook. Because…

Love. We need love, and it’s out there for all of us. Maybe we just gotta get our nose out of the faketenders page. 

Because whether everything is what it appears to be or nah. Everyone has their own life to live. 

So get out and live life. Not Facebook.

And see how much beauty is in the world…

The frozen hearts

So.

I’m watching Frozen for the umpteenth time. 

I usually don’t like to watch the Disney movies for their lackadaisical attitude towards magic. 

The movies of old always made the supposed white magic seem harmless. But. God says in Deuteronomy something altogether different.

Deuteronomy 18:10-12 There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord. And because of these abominations the Lord your God is driving them out before you.

All practices of magic are detestable in the eyes of The Most High Almighty God. 

So I watch it with my daughter. I just explain to her how God feels about it. 

So we are watching frozen. The big sister with the powers learns early on that her magic is dangerous. It may seem like fun. But it is a danger to her sister. Because she gets hurt.

And after she gets hurt and goes to get healing, something thought provoking is said.

A heart is not so quick to change.

Revelation and wisdom in that.

I was talking to a friend of mine today about how selfish I can be. 

I can’t stop remembering who I used to be because those who don’t do anything to make themselves better won’t stop forgetting.

You know.

Those people who live their lives like Pearl off 227, got more to say about everyone else and the choices those people make but can’t get their own lives right. Like maybe it’s a school program you can be enrolling in. Or some sight words you can be teaching a young child. Or teaching a near grown child how not to be so lazy. 

Man. I get flack. Truth hurts. I’m working on kindness so this is what I tell my friend. 

I am selfish.

And he sends me this response.

 

Now. He knows me now. He never knew who I used to be. 
My heart. Was so hard to change. It was filled with so many things. And since out of the mouth the heart speaks. I was using the ugly things in my heart to penetrate my lips and make me say things that messed people up. 

How awful.

A man got on my bus the other day. He was telling me about how much rage he carries. He told me some private things that happened to him. I felt his pain. See he lost his mother when he was 24. She was 42. 

I didn’t tell him I lost mine at 27. And she was 49. But I instantly empathized.

I was hostile, mean, angry, enraged. 

I mean why my momma? Why not the person whose momma was addicted to drugs. Or the one whose momma exposed him to domestic violence so he became a woman beater. Or the momma who was in the streets bringing every type of man in the house not keeping her child safe?

My momma was about me. She taught me how to read sight words by the age of three. I never saw my mother with a man until she married my stepfather. And she was always trying to be of assistance, serving someone’s needs.

Why us?

See I sat at her funeral with that chip on my shoulder. Looking at my step father cross eyed. He was the one who had an in with the insurance company seeing as he worked for them. He was the one telling my mother that the research he was doing showed that she was healing. He was the one that never took her back to the doctor after she was diagnosed with breast cancer, although when his mother was diagnosed the same she went through the whole kit and caboodle. He was the one getting engaged to the so called herbalist’s, that treated my mother, sister after my mother died. And whenever I called my mother that year she was sick, he would always tell me she was resting. Like he told all her friends that tried to call her. So I found out when I actually started talking to people about it.

Conspiracy minded yes. I believed he set my mothers demise up. If someone is sick and you don’t take them to the hospital and you are their primary caregiver you have neglected that individual. 

Nursing homes get big lawsuits for stuff like that.

Needless to say I was angry. Enraged. I was two seconds away from being Snoop D O double G and murder was the case.

And then to come home to a backbiting family? No. I am not going to clean up and I’m depressed. I’ve been depressed in spurts for almost seven years. These folks didn’t even know where I lived before my mother died. Now they taking my fall and running to tell the world that’s who I am.

A lie.

They don’t know me. If you’ve never shared a meal with me. I’ll say it again. You don’t know me. I will never let my guards down for you. And majority of my family never have shared a meal with me. At the same table. We may have eaten the same food in the same house, just at separate tables.

So. How did I release that rage?

The man told me on the bus that he didn’t cry. 

Lightbulb. 

Clicking.

Before I stepped into the four walls of my church home I didn’t cry either. I was too strong for that. But God.

Psalms 126:5 Those who plant in tears
will harvest with shouts of joy.
6 They weep as they go to plant their seed,
but they sing as they return with the harvest.

See God had a plan for me.

Jesus said, come to me all you who are weary and loaded down. That anger was too heavy for me to carry. That’s why I lashed out at everyone I saw. That’s why I used Facebook as a sounding board to express my discontent with life. That’s why I hurt those who came to help me heal.

My daughters father was a lot of encouraging words for me. Helping me. Even going so far as to co-sign a car for me and making all the payments. 

But I didn’t want no dude from the projects when I was getting ready to pursue a PhD. Forgetting I am still the young woman with the GED. Wanting to be validated for feeling like I had always  been a nobody.

Oh how God has to pull my prideful thoughts and behavior down. 

So. Change. Crying those tears. Bringing it to the altar. No. I wasn’t crying for sins I committed. There is no condemnation for those on Christ Jesus. He died for my sins to be removed. But that pent up anger. Was released in the form of tears.

So I walk this walk. Why?

Psalms 116:7 Let my soul be at rest again,
for the Lord has been good to me.
8 He has saved me from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling.
9 And so I walk in the Lord’s presence
as I live here on earth! 

He saved me. From myself. From bitter anger. From damaging self destructive behavior. From losing friendship after friendship. People need people. We are designed to love each other.

So next time they say don’t cry, ask them why not? To be strong? But God says in our weaknesses His strength is made perfect. 

Let Go. We just talked about how to let God last week.

Something better. Is in store.

  
Humility overrides a superficial ploy at strength. Be weak before God. He is the only one that can rebuild us all. I know firsthand. 

He definitely put my puzzle pieces back in place. So now I can truly be connected to the ones that will really care for me!

And that is a reason for really celebrating!!!

How to let God…

I’ve never been one who had a hard time letting go. 

Not after having to leave Chicago, my few friends, my small family and my job etc for that move all the way to the east coast. New cultures, and new customs.

After I braved that storm, saying goodbye became easier. 

I’ll chuck them deuces in a heartbeat. I came in this world alone. I’m going to leave alone. My relationship with my Savior, Jesus, and the Father, Jehovah is personal. So. I have learned to walk alone.

But sometimes. I get caught up with wondering about what I do. I wonder if what I write is too much. If I tell too much. And then I remember. The only people who have a problem with my testimony is the religious community. 

But if they never had to overcome my struggle. Or if they are so busy trying to be validated by others that they hide their past. Or they don’t have enough word to overrule their opinions. 

We are overcome by our testimonies. 

See I don’t love the life I used to want to be accepted in, enough, to not scream about what I have been delivered from. That’s a testimony. A shout of how God did that special thing for me. Because I once thought I would be wnslaved forever. I never thought I’d get free. So now that I am I tell my story. I don’t love or miss my past. But I am thankful for being able to tell of how I got free from it. 

Nobody but God!

My real world heroine. She’s so brave. Assata Shakur got freed from prison. Well she escaped. She received political assylum in Cuba. Common wrote a song about her. I used to play that on repeat. Because it talks about how she escaped. And got free. And before I encountered this new walk with God that’s all I wanted, was to be free.

Some people need hope that they can be free from their vices. So I open up about how it was done for me.

Who do I need to impress? God says obedience is better than sacrifice. Saul got removed from the throne for not being obedient. But he still ruled for a few years as David was being prepared for the seat. Ole David. David who did all the wrong things. And his story was told. How many times will we be reminded about his adulterous and murderous interactions with Bathsheba?

See my arm reaches, through these words, for those who have a heart for God but don’t know how to get rid of the behaviors that keep them from drawing close to God. I was once that woman. 

My old poetry full of curse words also quotes scriptures. I couldn’t help my heart for God. But I didn’t know how to live for Him.

It’s hard to understand if you’ve had some form of religious background all your life.

Not understanding James 1:26 If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. 27 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. 

That’s why the lack of charity in the religion of my youth kept me with too many unanswered questions.

And the negative words that just keep flowing…

That’s why it’s so hard for me to look twice at a church dude. He might like me now, but would be trying to hush me for the rest of my life about how I used to be. In the fear of how others would perceive he and I, in the process. Trust me I’m nice to all. I am a tomboy, as my childhood friend said, a boy with boobs, so interacting with guys is easy. But trust me. My interest is reserved. But I go after a man like I drive. And anyone trying to get through rush hour downtown traffic in a 60ft accordion style bus has to be a tad bit aggressive.

I am nice, now. I am not, necessarily, interested.

So. Yesterday. I was on the phone with my Boston, young adult, best friend. She’s about to be an assistant principle in LA. In Hollywood. She is thanking me for being her spiritual advisor. She is thanking me for sending her a proverb devotion everyday for the month of July about what God has helped me with and is helping me with. She has an undergrad degree from Harvard, and two masters. But all I have. Is God, and his word.

I’m just a former ex a lot of things. With merely a GED, and a degree from a community two year college. 

The foolish things. Confounding the wise?? Gods word is so alive. His Spirit all Holy and whatnot leading us into truth and understanding. 

See like yesterday. Getting ready to go sing with the choir. I haven’t gotten the call about a uniform. I stay uninformed. My work schedule. Man CTA keeps me away from my God given assignment some days. But. Anyway. I have a direct connection to the source. God showed me blue and white. So I wore a blue and white top. And after I called my director already en route to the event, he told me blue and white.

God is faithful!

I must be obedient.

I am learning how to let go of people who I am supposed to let go of. Those are usually the men who came in between myself and my sisters and kept us from keeping a divine connection by turning me against someone when he never had any intention of doing right by me. 

It’s like my baby’s father making Everyone believe I’m a bad person. Because he with one baby momma this week. Then with My daughters Irish twin (they eight months apart) momma the next. And always going back to the one who can’t get pregnant. Because he looking for a good meal, or a new outfit, or money on his phone bill because according to his homie he quits his job Everytime they threaten to take child support out.

Yeah. He can’t get nothing from me. But a hello and a smile.

So. Follow the lead.

Warning come before destruction. God always wants to show us. Something. Maybe who we can help. Maybe who we can encourage. He is alive. He knows all and most importantly we knows the plans he has for us all!

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 

We all have different assignments in our piece of the puzzle. Different gifts. And different relationship with God that comes with different expectations. 

I told the man yesterday cleaning my cousins car that always puts his supplies on my car that the next time he put his stuff on my car I wasn’t going to be nice. He assured me I was going to be. I laughed. I looked at my cousin and asked him to let the man know I didn’t use to be nice. He shook his head not even able to make eye contact with me. 

But God. But change. Maybe I am supposed to share, because I need much humility. 

To whom much is given much is required. 

So yes. Let Gods plans become manifest in your life! No one else knows what you need. But when He comes in the form of that quiet voice when all is still. Let Him speak.

Our spirits have always been connected to God. Our vices keep us separated, listening to the desires of our flesh.

But freedom….

My life

So I wake up with Revelations on my mind 12, so I read it all.
The first part of chapter 12 reminds me of the hour of prayer I came in on for 12 hour prayer, but 11 stands out. 11 And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb and by their testimony. And they did not love their lives so much that they were afraid to die. 

I’ll die an ego-death. No longer afraid of what others think of me. 

My childhood Boston best friend asked me how did I combat depression. I worship, I praise. And I talk about the struggles I’ve overcome, in humility. 

I blog. It’s not my current struggle. I wait until I overcome to share what God pulled me out of.

God blesses me with joy and peace! 

And praise report. She texted me back. My testimony is powerful!! To her. Praise God! His word doesn’t return null. 

We are won. By the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior and by letting each other know what He did for us personally.

I will continue to share. My life is not my own!!

Romans 12:1And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. 

Yes. That’s the big things. The things I want to leave behind. Fornication, smoking ( and if you knew me in my old life smh the way I’d pearl a B you knew that was one of my first and only loves) , cursing, etc. I present my body to relinquish those things and walk the walk God has placed me on.

But that’s also my mouth. Avoiding speaking on bad things. But speaking about the goodness. What I have overcome. By the blood of the lamb. By God sending His Son. For loving me enough. For loving us all enough. 

I’ve been changed. I don’t have to ask have I changed. The disrespect that no one ever gave me before this new life, because I might go crazy. I accept now and let my Father fight for me. This desire to love pleasing to Him. Even my unacceptable living situation, I refuse to lower my standards for help from the opposite sex. 

I will wait and stand still to see the salvation of The Lord.

So. It might be too much. For some to digest. 

Reading is a choice. Only you can make it. But to the people who have told me my words are a blessing to them. Or the ones that don’t say a thing. Or my readers I see you in Brazil. In Italy. In these countries I would love to visit one day. I pray God blesses you all and you are touched at the life and changes of one woman through my newfound relationship with Jesus. See He is the only one who can present me and intercede for me to our Father in heaven.

Yes. It’s just seeds. Planted. Like Paul. If I plant. god sends Apollo, whomever that may be, to water. But at the end of the day God makes it grow.

So like this Jason Nelson worship playing in he background. You might not see Gods worth in me. You might not see it in yourself. You might be waiting on man to validate you. But promotion does not come from the east or west. 

It comes from God.

Him alone.

So. Be blessed. Thanks for reading. Live life. On purpose. Quiet strength. In preparedness for whatever promise God has for us. 

And He is faithful. Taste and see that He is good! He is good. 

Thank God for His goodness!!

Who gave you the gavel??

How do others find time to judge another persons life, the choices they make in their lives, and the things they do to have peace of mind.

Isn’t it easier to make ones self become ones best self than concern oneself with another??

Why do we judge? Others? When the word of God is a double edged sword. 

Wouldn’t it be easier to pull the tree out of ones own eye before pulling a piece of straw out of another’s?

My sister sent me some of her reading one day. I decided to go back and see what it was talking about and found Romans 14:10 So why do you condemn another believer? Why do you look down on another believer? Remember, we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. 

How can one look down on the choices of another’s life when we are all sinners saved by the grace and mercy of God!!

I saw some posts of my friends who happen to be in same sex relationships and felt their hurt. I didn’t know how to respond. But I now am ashamed of my inability to reach out to them to remind them of the love of God. 

His love outweighs all sins. Because some folks hide their sins and believe their sacrifices outweigh the knowledge that their disobedience is displeasing to God. But they berate someone who doesn’t even know God in a personal and intimate way to know what His word says.

But Jesus said, come to me all who are loaded down. 

How can they come unless they receive his love from a witness who knows first hand what his love can do.

See I don’t know. For anyone else. But I know me. I know who I used to be.

This passion for Christ ministry’s rhetoric that I keep purchasing a ticket for, but can’t seem to get a ticket to California to see reminds me.

They have ex, shirts. They encourage attendees to wear their ex shirts.

Mine would be laden ex with some awful stuff!

Ex-fornicator, ex-adulterer, ex-stoner, ex-addict, (lean, tobacco, liquor etc) ex-liar, ex-thief… The list goes on and on. And on. And on. 

See I know when the gay marriage thing hit this scripture reverberated all over social media sites. 

1 Corinthians 6:9,10

9 Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, 10 or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God.

 But God is not a God without hope. Somehow 11, wasn’t stressed.

11. Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 

 I had a friend come to me recently asking me how did I get over the depression of the life I once lived. See she knew me as a young woman where even in the religion of my youth, I was sad all the time. I kept a just in case drawer. Full of pills. Just incase I had to make a quick, easy, getaway. From this thing I could never believe was life.

I couldn’t answer her at the time.

Now I can. 

The same way I walked away from my stoner life. I waked and baked so much I thought that was the excuse for why I can’t remember anything now. 

No. I was just being lazy.

The same way I walked away from fornicating. Even after I fell. And realized even falling for a quick moment back into sin, the hurt to my heart of displeasing God after all He has done for me was not something I wanted to do continuously. 

The same way I walked away from whatever else I was doing on a regular basis. 

Jesus.

When I realized who He really is. When I began worshipping God in a real way. When I stopped letting the enemy of my faith hold me back by reminding me and condemning me, or shaming me, but I believed God and let Him replenish me. 

Yes. 

That’s when life turned around for me. 

See whatever sad moments I have can’t compare to not being stuck in my bed for days on end, curled up, crying to my grandma! 

I have joy. The joy of The Lord is my strength. I have peace. Peace that exceeds understanding. And I explained in the last blog how I get all that. Praise. And worship. To my Father in heaven!!!

Through Jesus. Because no one can come to the Father unless they go through Jesus. Like the disciples he gathered on earth. They had personal relationship. He knew them, and they knew him too.

But really.

I don’t know anything.

I’m just experiencing life.

I have found something that works for me. And when my childhood friend. Saw me last, the same one who used to sip lean, and smoke kush in barricaded bathrooms, he said that he saw the difference in whatever I was doing!

Joy. Peace. No need to try and tear me down for what’s going on over here. God is a vindicator. It’s better to reflect self and ponder over how to become better than to try and judge another for whatever they are doing. 

Because God fights every battle. And I know Him to be my personal commander in chief. He gets every victory!!

So. Judgements aside. They are unnecessary. Who knows better how to fix others besides God. He told us to come to Him. Not to you, passing judgement. 

Judge lest not you be judged. 

I know the word. It’s there to do many things. But it starts with self first. And there are too many things I can be learning for myself before I can tear another down with it. 

I can use it to encourage and upbuild. Messages of hope. Messages of love.

Like Jesus said, let you without sin be the first to cast a stone. 

And as He sent that woman who committed adultery away, he is the only one who can fix and change so she can become an ex. 

So. My people. Of the religious spirit sort. Never forget. The only time we ever saw an account of Jesus angry was in the money changers house of God, turning a place of worship into a den of robbers.

So. Let’s all love. Love of Christ. Glory carriers. Be light. Be love. 

But most importantly be groovy!! March to the beat of the drummer who saved us all. The beat of forgiveness and understanding. Not judgement.

Because gavels are only as good as the wood it’s knocking on. And since you have no authority to use one, my best guess is that you’re really just hitting on dead air!!