I used to wonder how did I get into an abusive relationship.

He knew I didn’t want to be alone. And he knew I was afraid of mice.

And you know how old buildings sometimes can be. Their idea of exterminating was setting down oversized sticky traps. Of which I couldn’t handle the squeaking. 

Guess who was of mice and men?

These days though.

I can set my own trap. 

Last winter grandma held the mouse down with the broom while I beat him with a bottle.


Cruelty to animals I know.

But I can’t share my space with them, because they are downright disrespectful.

Rattling paper. Eating my food. Running inside walls.

I’m trying to sleep for goodness sake.

These days. All my weaknesses have to be taken care of. I will not allow fear to get me to invite someone into my life that I know will not be a good fit even as a friend. 

Fear of being broke? Here comes the CTA bus driver trying to shoot his shot after my friendly joking nature asked if I could bring A shopping cart on the bus. No, you can’t be my sugar daddy. Yes, I see your wedding ring. 

These old school money makers seem to like meat on bones? Or is it for cuffing/cuddling season? Confident strides with thick thighs these days are for the glory of God. To go where He sends me. To show love to whom he wants me to love.

So no, thank you. No banking with you. God is still my provider these six weeks off without pay, treating this sciatic nerve.

Fear of being alone? Well yes. Every guy and his brother is going to come along and tell you everything you thought you wanted to hear.

That’s why I offend. And ignore. If you for real, you will persist. And forgive. Because any relationship for an extended period of time is bound to have disagreements. If you are willing to walk away now, thanks for the two weeks notice. Like jobs with revolving doors, someone will be to fit your shoes sooner than later. And later, if not sooner.

Nope. God said He would never leave me nor forsake me! How can I be lonely and believe God too? Isn’t He good enough. His company shows me how to enjoy myself. How to find myself. How to enjoy myself before meeting someone else. 

So I won’t be that one who never has any fresh ideas about something fun to do.

I’m a Spring, Early April, baby. I have this fresh, youth filled outlook on life. As an adult, I still love to be silly and have fun!

Fear of the unknown. People be so worried that they will never find. Or that everyone else is. That they don’t trust that when God is done  preparing:  He will present.

Like I told the man in the furniture store today. I can’t understand why people choose the first thing they come to. Shop. Without using your body to do so. Use your mind. Let it sit and marinate and find the best fit. For you. Everyone else might not like it because it’s not for them. 

But you’ve never been like the people pleasing crowd.

Who changed you? Who did you give permission to rearrange you? I thought God was getting ready to prepare you for such a time as..

Yeah. Patience my dear caterpillar. Be wise. Because there is always a bird looking for prey. And sometimes when we forget to pray to God our Father about His will; we end up in places where we never imagined we would be.

But God. Gives second and sometimes third chances. Sometimes.

So. No fear. I have power. Love and a sound mind. The Lord is my rock. My fortress. My strong tower. Who should I fear? 

Nah. The other way around. Fear God. Keep His commands.

Knowing that obedience is better than sacrifice. Because He will straighten out crooked paths. The God of new things. Will renew somethings in you as well!


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