Day 33

I watched  The Life of Pi today.

I used to think I missed out on the world. Because I grew up in a hidden religion. And because I left traditional school after the first semester of 9th grade.

No. I just got the chance to be schooled by life,  by the people God allowed to come into my life.

Much like Pi, I spent almost my young adulthood looking for God. I gave up after He didn’t heal my mother. Just for a season of realizing how ugly life could be without him. Maybe I’ll share that one day but for now. 

After I left the religion I was constantly looking for the love I knew God had for me that I didn’t feel after being kicked out at 18. See my own mother was not even allowed to have many interactions with me. Her sister would call the house phone and not even greet me just ask to speak to her. 

I knew God couldn’t be so cruel.

So I met a Muslim man. Fell in love but could not get past my personal belief that Jesus was not merely a prophet. I felt too deeply Everytime I read about his death to believe that him being a prophet would touch me that deeply. He had to be my creator I reasoned with my guy.

Besides. I didn’t want to wear hijab. 

Vain then. But I cover my head now just when I want intimate time with God. In prayer while I am out and about, and I know people tend to stare at me curiously. Sometimes.

Then. I moved out of my mothers home. After some coercing. And met a Buddhist lady. The chants never made me feel at ease.

Besides with all these religions I couldn’t stop doing me in the form of sexual impurity or stop smoking.

But here years later. With a relationship with God, if I do wrong I am immediately convicted. I love Him so much.

It’s like a relationship with anyone. 

When my daughter asked me not to lick my tongue out at her even though I’m just playing. She doesn’t like it so now I make a conscious effort to not do what she doesn’t like.

You tend to want to please the one you love!

That can only come with a personal relationship. One where I have seen Him work in my life. He’s been courting me all my life. That’s how I know what to expect from anyone else that comes along.

If you want me, you’ll pursue me like God did. And mean it. That’s the only way a man can love a woman as Christ loves the church. 

He is unrelentless in his pursuit of loving us.

So. Because He loves me I try to do whatever He asks me. And work toward being better daily.

It’s not easy. I wish it were. Then we wouldn’t have to work for social justice, or cry about why the media is not showcasing the fact that almost a million black people and supporters are in Washington DC. People and their hearts can only be changed by coming to Jesus. I am a believer. 

IF you ask me what my religion is I will tell you I am a believer. A believer that God is Father. He has a Son my savior. And the spirit of my Savior is the Holy Spirit. 

Besides the only religion that is acceptable to God our Father is the one where we take care of orphans and widows. So if you are not taking care of those who have been left behind and need help, no judgement. God has plenty of that waiting for you.

Without this three in one package deal I’d be rolling my B right now, backwoods please they burn longer. With a fifth of light liquor. I don’t like dark. Somewhere getting ready to turn up saying good night to my daughter with her and grandma looking at me like why, mama, why?

But I’ve chosen to accept the love of God. It makes me happy.

See I’ve come to realize just like Pi did that some people will bring the worst out in you. You become a monster to fight with the ones hiding under your bed, that wind up in your bed from time to time.

But now. I don’t have to be the monster when God is fighting all my battles. 

So I stay close.

Starting this next level in my stage of happiness I pray I will walk in more obedience.

I pray the same for you.

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