So I am a writer. Whatever one thinks of my style, it will get better over time. But i love writing. Sometimes it seems as if God moves my hands to write the songs or poems and definitely the stories. I know. Some words I don’t even know. Then I look it up and it matches the story line. I know that can only be God!

I will write poems, songs, short stories, novels. Words make up my world. Because it is only in words that one can grow and escape the mundane. The truth is found in words. And love can be shared through them.

I hate wondering how a person feels about me.

Communicate.

Words have power.

Anyway i wrote this song. About my new life.

wanna hear it? Here it go… But I don’t sing in front of people, yet, like that though. *smile*

Cried tears i couldn’t cope/exchanged bags for laughs, blue dro/ took pills thought it was rope/ ran off and i eloped/ kept secrets deep inside/from myself i did hide/ The Spirit I tried/ Tried to fight and Him denied/ But He, He showed me what I asked/ opened me, saved me from my past/ i was lost and left instead/ the family i thought i could depend on was dead/ now leaning on new understanding/ and he gave me hope/ freed me from dope/ told me no smoke/ and He loved me/ and he loved me/ Freed me/ gave me/ New Life, New Life, New Life

Hook

When you think its over/ you better think again/ when you think it is through/ check what’s within/ is it registering/ is it all knowing/ is it posturing/ just a feeling/ or a prescription/ for better living/ who do you believe in?/ who do you believe in?

Verse one is enough to bring tears to my eyes now just knowing what God brought me from. Simple words cannot erase the complexity of a life I once lived. Words better left for ‘fictional’ novels, as opposed to a blog. But the memories replay in my mind like television clips. But the hook brings the hope of it all.

I didn’t know church. But i knew God the Father, a misinterpretation of the Son, and was left hanging in the wind thinking the Holy Spirit was a force like the wind. He had been depersonified and I couldn’t get any answers about who He was. Really.

He is the guiding force for my life here on earth. I know this now. Because i follow that urge and my steps are being ordered as The Spirit is told what to tell me through Jesus, and Jesus knows from the Father. And I am led away from the things that will hurt me and led towards the things that help me grow and make me better.

I slip. and fall short daily. and thats where the Holy Spirit comes in to comfort me.

I digress.

He didn’t just fall in my lap. Jesus never went after the pharisees who thought they knew all the answers. He was followed, sometimes chased by those who were in desperate need of change in their lives.

That was me.

I had to ask, relentlessly. I spent some months letting go of everything I thought I knew, once i realized my last interaction was a bit shady with the ‘brothers’. Disfellowshipping me via phone conversation, without a meeting, without three brothers to make it an unbiased decision, without prayer, without asking me had i changed my life around. I mean I had long since stopped doing what they claimed they were disfellowshipping me for in the first place.

But this isnt a bitter rant against a group of people who seem to genuinely love God and want to please Him.

This is a thank God He freed me up to find the real truth. Not mans version of it.

See I learned a lot in my childhood. Being the baby that was cradled in the arms of many in my congregation I was always loved. People still had trouble not calling me Rae-Rae, seeing me, just a few years ago, because in their minds I would always be sweet little Rae-Rae, who got caught up and entrapped in the webs of deceitful people. People who pretended to be Jehovah’s Witnesses by day, and doing everything under the sun by night.

I learned to have a conscious. Convicted. I was the one to tell. We were doing so and so. Now let our names be called out to the rest of the congregations so we can be publicly shamed and humilated for sinning. If these are the rules, I am following them.

I always had a thing for Jesus. Every memorial I would be the one boohooing visualizing his journey by the words presented in the bible.

But He was only a God, their bible teaches. But I learned Greek as a child. Their is no definitive article that means ‘a’ in Greek. Like Spanish its La, El, Las, Los. Or French its Un or Une. Greek has no such thing. The writers of that religions bible added it.

They forgot to read Hebrews 1, where God the Father told God the Son His throne would rule forever.

That’s when I began to find truth.

But this isn’t about my truth. I wanted it. I no longer had anyone’s standards to live up to. My mothers family member who was in the religion encouraged me to take flight, against my will. My mother was dead. Who was I living for?

I had to find my own way.

All I know is. I am thankful for what i was taught as a child. I was taught a love of God and His word. So when I coupled that with becoming a research assistant, and getting into all the programs that paid stipends for doing research when I got to a four year university, love of God and His word plus research equals my finding my own truth, that has led me to a new life.

this new life has me admiring the beauty of men but not desiring them for the pleasure of my body. This new life has me no longer smoking,  anything. This new life has me seeking peace, when the friends that remember me from the past remember me being a firecracker. Ready to set off.

But God!

I now can be thankful for them giving me the word of God as a gift. So i would know God, and know how to see Him in dealing with people, and have the courage to say, this isn’t God. It doesn’t follow or line up with the God i have read about in his word.

besides the scripture they use to dis fellowship with says not even eat with a man, when did love stop us from greeting another person?

So today. I care about miracles materializing, but God in my life is a miracle for me! I know God performed one when He opened my eyes, and gave me the strength to stop living the life that was leading me nowhere fast. I don’t even care about people enough to go chasing behind people who don’t want to be in my life. I know God got me!

So seek and you shall find. Knock and the door shall be opened. With a humble heart seek God’s face, for understanding and not just His hand for material things. you’d be amazed at all the treasures He is capable of unlocking inside of you!

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