so many times as I am writing have I wanted to scream that to myself.
They’ll see you as weak, I said.
They’ll talk about you, I said.
They will remind you of your ugly, dirty past, I said.
They’ll hear your story third party for the ones who won’t read who get the story relayed from another, and change it, I said.
That was really my enemy. God’s enemy. The father of lies, who doesn’t want anyone to know the truth.
But they. They didn’t comfort me when I was mourning. They weren’t with me when I walked away from everything I knew. They weren’t soft reminders in the middle of the night that this is only a season, and tests. They didn’t provide for me when I gave up my things and was like I am going to trust you God. And boy did He provide. Sending me to Plato’s Closet grab bag sells. He taught me how to stuff 21 items into a easy to tear little bag for ten bucks to get a new wardrobe. They were not that gentle voice whispering to me to go to this particular place where God allows those to hand out food, feeding us when we are hungry and they just so happen to have chocolate syrup for my daughters chocolate milk phase, and tissue.
They were not my God.
For His Glory!
I won’t ever be perfect in This body. Just a woman, learning how to abandon childish ways. Relearning how to walk, talk, live and be. To bring God glory.
Once God revealed Himself to me. Once He showed me the TRUTH about Jesus. once I read scriptures for myself. It became about him. Dying daily to my own selfish desires. To give Him what He created me for.
I lost something today. I lost the proof that I even bought it. I went back and tried to find the piece of paper that fell out of my hand. And the thing I lost. I couldn’t find the thing. I couldn’t find the receipt, and I realized sometimes things get left behind. They served their purpose. And sometimes it’s okay to leave it behind because something else is waiting for me.
Plenty more where that came from.
Faithful. God is faithful. I may struggle with my lifestyle of loyalty. But He never will.
I am relearning how to blog.
I read a book about it.
Forgive my long verbose rants. They were for my healing. From the lies, I had been told all my life, that had me suspiciously looking at everyone upside their heads not knowing whom I could trust.
So to my new followers, thank you for taking the time out your day for the extra long posts, and my old followers… Y’all the real MVPs.
I pray God continues to bless you all in ways that only He knows the plans.
Sometimes it’s okay to start over. You didn’t lose from the past thing you believe you are losing. You gained a wealth of knowledge and experience that no one can ever take away from you.
It’s all for love. Love of God teaches you love of self, and only then can you love your neighbor as yourself!
I can’t ever redo who I used to be. But I can continue to pray to the Father in Jesus name to create in me a clean heart and renew the right spirit in me. Because really at the end of the day, He is the only one equipped to do it, seeing as He created me!
Find your healing. Seek your truth. You’d be surprised just how beautiful the world can really be!