Jesus did it!

You know how back in bible times the bible speaks of Jesus healing the sick, the maimed, the lame. And those demon possessed??

Jesus carries the fullness of the power of God being The Son. And since God is not changing why would I think Jesus isn’t doing what he did back then. 

He is the way. 

Don’t fight me. Fight the word of God. But all of our arms too short to box with God!

So. Four years ago. I got into a melee. That had me pepper sprayed. Attacked from behind, and as I got my bearings to finally get up, police were behind me about to tase me. 

When I was younger, I was known by my associates as Rae-Rae. They had everyone thinking I was crazy Rae-Rae. That I would fight if anyone ever came at me crazy. I just didn’t scare easily. I never started one fight in my life. I’ve always liked peace. I just never backed down from much of anything. Or knew when to shut up. Like the day I was dragged away by police, slept overnight in a cold cell on a cold metal bench, and then transported to the county.

But I was angry!! Looking for revenge!!

Fast forward. This life in Christ I keep blogging about happened. Two years after this situation. And my Pastor was preaching about the seven deadly sins one November, I believe it was. The sermon on anger had me at the altar, crying. I knew I had to let go of that situation with the young womans attack. I screamed and let go of that thing at the altar.

Guess who was sitting in a chair when I went to pick up my daughter right after church? The same young lady who attacked me. 

Somebody was lookin at me waiting for my reaction. But I gave that thing to God at the altar! I smiled at the young woman. I was full of smiles. Genuine smiles! I invited the young lady to my church. I told her she had a beautiful voice and while she reminded me of one of our worship leaders, she could have been using her gift to glorify God. I told her that maybe it was time for her and her guy to get married. Help him raise his children and live a life pleasing to God! And then. I HUGGED her!

My last couple of blogs show how forgiving a heart can be when God moves and lives in that heart. But this though!

Oh. Thank God for Jesus! 

Old Rae-Rae. She woulda ran full speed at that girl. The police wouldn’t have been able to protect her from me this day. The same strength, that carried chest high chests made of pure mahogany wood out of apartment buildings to make a quick move from Boston to Chicago, would have caused my hands to do damage. 

The only person I ever fought is someone a person is never supposed to fight. 

But God. But Jesus!!!

I left those things at the altar!

Remember back in the Israelite days, they took their sacrifices to the Levites who then left them at the altar. 

Jesus is the reason we don’t need anyone to take our sacrifices. We can come ourselves. Through Jesus.

The altar.

That’s where change happens.

That’s where the things that hurt are left behind for God to take. 

That’s where I get my strength. That’s where I feel God, greater in me than He who is in the world. 

The Holy Spirit!

I write to get free. But I get on that altar to be healed and to stay free. 

Because Jesus knows the ones the Father has sent him to get. And when He knocks! 

Do we answer?

I answered. 

I called. I prayed. I cried. And he came!

I was headed down a dark, hate filled path. I had been hurt too many times. 

I wanted to be free. 

I had a friend of mine from childhood delete herself from my FB page. She asked me was I still one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I told her no. And then shortly later she was gone. 

Well I guess that’s for the best. I see the bible scriptures that show the inconsistencies in the JW doctrine. Like 

2 Corinthians 2:2  I was caught up to the third heaven fourteen years ago. Whether I was in my body or out of my body, I don’t know—only God knows. 3 Yes, only God knows whether I was in my body or outside my body. But I do know 4 that I was caught up to paradise and heard things so astounding that they cannot be expressed in words, things no human is allowed to tell. 

Wait. Is this the paradise we had been taught was on the earth?? Or nah? Which paradise is this? Where exactly in the bible does it specifically say Paradise is going to be in the earth? 

I’ll wait! I looked. I cried.

I seperated from people. I would look at them and look away, hoping they wouldn’t see me. See the broken pieces. See the lies I had been taught and would sometimes be knocking on doors 60 hours a month to try and convince people of. 

I was ashamed. I was hurt. And I couldn’t dare let another person come close because I had been lied to and hurt by the only people I ever believed in my whole life.

Oh yeah and then this.

Hebrews 1:6 And when he brought his supreme Son into the world, God said,

“Let all of God’s angels worship him.” 

Worship? Is that why the wise men were looking for Jesus to worship Him? We are a little lower than the angels. 

And then this.

Hebrews 1:13 And God never said to any of the angels,

“Sit in the place of honor at my right hand
until I humble your enemies,
making them a footstool under your feet.”

14 Therefore, angels are only servants—spirits sent to care for people who will inherit salvation. 

So. How could Jesus be Michael the Archangel? The bible clearly speaks against this sort of teaching.

I know. I know. Obviously. If you’re believing Jesus is an angel and you’re praying in Jesus name, and you keep getting disfellowshipped for fornication. But you’re praying in Jesus name, and you are in a religion who believes he is an angel; it might be hard for those prayers to get to God our Father. You think?

Study to show yourself approved. 

And guess what? Ask these questions you might get looked at as someone who is being insubordinate, and shouldn’t be asking questions. 

Like an apostate. Or something. And then God forbid you’re called that. It’s much worse thanbeing  disfellowshipped. No one will ever have anything to do with you. People you’ve known all your life.

But the truth will set you free!

Yes. The truth has set me free. Freely on the altar worshipping God in Spirit and in truth. 

I have been made whole and set free.

What a moment to realize at the fork in the road you took the wrong route. But sometimes you have to go back to get to the right place to make the right choice. Do overs!!! It’s not easy going back. 

I went back. Realized no one could tell me who the Holy Spirit was. I was disfellowshipped over the phone. On three way. With no meeting or prayer.

No.

That wasn’t my truth. 

Now I’ve found truth. So I walk in it. 

And continually thank God for giving me this new life! 

Because now that I know the truth about Jesus, when I ask Him to present my case to the Father he does it and I see changes. Big changes. That only a big God can do.

So now when you ask why don’t I say the fathers name like I used to. I spent 31 years calling out to Jehovah. He couldn’t hear me because I was ignoring the Son I didn’t even know the truth about. And Jesus is the only way.

So that’s why I’ll continually say. Jesus did it!! 

My Father knows what I mean!

Advertisements

Thankful and grateful: on humility

I am thankful for strength. In my weakened state, God makes His  strength perfect in me.

I am thankful for courage. To speak about the harsh realities of life. Wounds don’t heal unless they are treated. They can’t be treated until they are presented.

I am thankful for patience. Far too many times I take things into my own hands. When I sit back and let God do it, He does it perfectly.

I am thankful for love. The kind invites of people who have taken time to get to know me and make sure I have an option of not being alone on a holiday centered around family.

I am thankful for peace. In the midst of a storm, I can find refuge.

I am thankful for kindness. I applaud for all those who go for their dreams. Encourage and motivate with kind words.

I am thankful for self control. I used to do things that now I am helped by Gods perfect will to control myself to not do.

I am thankful for the Holy Spirit. These are some of the fruitages of Him. And for Jesus. The Son who is the only way I can get to the Father.

See. I have delighted myself in service to God. Service to Him means I still have to be kind to those who think and speak ill of me, and treat me poorly. Because He says pray for those who persecute me. And I have finally figured out that not everyone saying Lord Lord will make it. He will say get away from me you workers of lawlessness.

And that’s why I am thankful. Because when I prayed for Him to create in me a clean heart and renew the right spirit in me, He did! He did!!! 

And while I will always fall short of the glory of God, His grace and mercy is sufficient. He will look over my wrongdoings and forgive me, when I come to Him with repentance in my heart and humbled in my prayers.

See. I could’ve given in to the pain of a past. It could’ve been worst. But God. 

I see. Many are called. Few are chosen. There were some uncomfortable things Jesus disciples were required to do, to let go of, to see. And to stay with Him through it all. And unlike Judas, not running behind money. Chasing illusive dreams to be the center of attention for meaningless things.

I hope I will live to make famous the one who died for me, sitting next to the Father, interceding for me.

Jesus.

The only one who needs to validate me. Because He is the only one who can prepare a place for me in the midst of my enemies.

So be thankful. Live life to love and serve God. Become pleasing in His eyes. Because He is the only one who can open doors no man can open and shut the ones that need to be shut!

And while I used to cry for my momma and daddy on days like this holiday, I am thankful because I shed no tears. Spent enough time in the presence of ones who love me, and called enough sisters, brothers and friends.

And my beautiful daughter! She spent the day helping me make things beautiful!

Thankful for a CHURCH home! And a Pastor that disproved all the lies I was taught about church and Pastors. And a Pastor who listens to God to speak truth!!! It’s like every sermon he was I side my home before he preaches it because it always seems tailor made to me.

Thankful for finally having a job that will allow me to care for my daughter solo. Since I chose this life, or it was presented to me!

And boom. The one guy who sends me flowers like these  

    
 
Is patient enough to deal with my shenanigans. My cheerleader. Reminding me of Gods greatness within me. And doesn’t mind that I may not get back to a text in a couple of days, but still is consistently showing me of the value that God has reminded me I have.

Yes! So much to be thankful for everyday. More things than I am actually able to count! Not just on holidays. Everyday. God is amazing! And so I will forever to Him be grateful!!!

Do diligence: on friendship…

Today, as always, I am multi tasking.

Being a single mother, and a single woman who works a part-time job, serves in ministry and adjusting to a new school schedule for a budding kindergartener: life gets busy.

Like I told one guy calling my phone today, calling me telling me how I don’t call you or text you back is not going to make me sympathize with your whining.

I explained my list and provided a solution. Call me to see how you can be of assistance. If you are courting me, like a couple of men showed me  after starting this new journey with Jesus, you are going to make sure my groceries, laundry, and General needs are met.

Stop bothering me otherwise. But said in my soft demure tone, low calm voice, and no hint of aggression they agree and apologize.

Words read sometimes are read the way a person would say it. But if you have softness and kindness in your heart you read the words the way you would say them. With love and affection. Everything can be said, just not in any type of way.

Don’t be sorry. Be better. With a smile on my face and laughter in my eyes can warm a persons heart and make them want to be better.

Like I joked with the guy on the bus who bumped past me without saying excuse me. Are you too good to say excuse me? A smile on my face, and laughter in my eyes brought his excuse me. And when I was getting off and bumped him accidentally with my cart my excuse me brought a smile to his face.

Anyway. Multitasking. Laundry. Grocery shopping, and a little mundane shopping. Long sleeve shirts for a cold season for my little one. And thank God all this is available in the mall the laundry mat is in.

Then I notice: the laundry has free transportation. I got there on the bus dragging bags and carts behind me. But I made it. 

I learned something. If I put forth the first effort the last one will be made for me. I reached out to do what I had to do. And something was given to me in return. A free ride home!

Like friendship.

If I put forth effort to be friendly friends will come to me.

I used to be a friendly person. 

Then something happened to make me not trust, and be hateful towards people. But I had friends before that. And now I am making friends. Or sisters are becoming friends. These sisters in Christ are becoming my friends. 

I don’t know too much family. Some rule in the religion I grew up to not associate with unbelievers. Which included family. My mothers doing. And adulthood kept me working two and three jobs sometimes and going to school full time, to make connections that should have been made in childhood.

Life happened.

But today. In the midst of  all the stuff I was attending to, my Boston best friend called me.

Her son was 1 year old when he came into my classroom. He’s twelve now. We connected as she was one of my parents, and her son spent too much time watching His father box. He always had a boxing stance for us. And I was the only black teacher. He didn’t listen to anyone else to put them hands down.

But professionalism meant we couldn’t kick it until she was no longer a client. 

When I was chosen as one of the teachers to open their third daycare center she and I started kicking it on the regular. She was my faithful workout buddy. Even getting it in on thanksgiving day!

My B. I used to call her. Now I’ll reuse the letter and call her my beauty!

Anyway. 

I made an untrue statement the other day about it being difficult to make friends. Not true. I’ve made plenty of wonderful friends in my life time. We don’t have to talk everyday. Or like all I each others status. But when I need a hug. Or a call. Or a laugh. Or some real talk. They are there.

My friend who hears me worry about maybe not being able to pick up my daughter and is there to get my daughter before I get there. My friend who makes sure I get to destinations like grocery stores or home from church. My friend who taught me how to draw on eyebrows before they were a black American thing, and was definitely a part of her Dominican culture. Or the one who reminds me that it’s going to get better. Or the one who let’s me know to keep on writing when I was in the verge of giving up. Or the one who keeps on calling and leaving messages even when life makes me feel so consumed that I forget to call back. She always makes sure to encourage me in The Lord! Or the new one I have just met who doesn’t even live in the same city as I do. But she texts and keeps me on her mind. Or my sister friend who made sure my paperwork got in to cta so I could go back to work after being off six weeks, without pay. Or the  one who just so happened to bless me with a gift card not knowing I was going to be out of work all that time without pay.

God has placed some amazing women in my life!!!

There is a list. Some know me Better than others. But we show love. Continuously.

It’s something about life how it’s easier to pay attention to who isn’t there, than it is to pay attention to who is and always had your back.

My A1s are not the people who have been there from day one. They are the ones who never left. Never used words to hurt me. Never talked about me behind my back. Never turned others against me, to disguise the hurt they carried in their lives.

I am enjoying the love these days. I planted many more seeds of love than I did hate. So I will enjoy my harvest.

Thank God for friends. Sometimes we just have to meet them half way. Like I did today going to get my laundry done. And the rest will fall in place.

This place is starting to get a little more comfortable: and I am thankful for that!

Victorious

I fell in love with a Victor. Full of victory he is. Just one little problem.

I fell in love with him because he reminded me of my first love.

I finally gave my first love the old heave ho. Almost no social media. Well maybe a little attention on IG, but I’m rarely on that anyway.

We probably would have been happily married, with many babies. Except for one thing. 

He’s Muslim. 

I could never get past my belief that Jesus is God’s Son. Now I know He is the Son of God. Now I know he has the fullness of God dwelling within him. Now I know him for myself. But even back when I was a teenager. I knew he had to be more than just a prophet who had little significance to the larger scheme of things as my love was trying to teach me.

How can two walk together unless they agree on the direction.

Then. I meet an almost version of him. Who grew up in a Christian household. I thought I hit the jack pot. 

Only he wasn’t him.

The problem I realized was in letting go. Letting go of my ties to the past. How can I walk into new doors unless I close old ones.

Because if the doors aren’t closed and my ears are keen to listening for somebody from the past calling me back, I just may go back and get stuck.

I just learned this lesson. For real. This past summer.

So yesterday. I am walking from my job to my assignment. 

I see someone from my past. Second week in a row I happen to see this same person. I am hoping it was coincidence. 

The week before they blew and shouted my name. Well my nick name. My hood name. I knew it was someone from my past life. Matter of fact I knew who it was before the message came through into my facebook inbox.

You could’ve spoke, they said. 

You should’ve stopped, I replied.

Then I blocked and deleted. My past should be behind me! So I’m pushing it out the door.

Why is it the people who know they should keep it moving from the way they treated you, and haven’t repented before God always try and make it seem like you have the problem with them. 

Those manipulation tactics.

No I gave it to God, already. But. I would rather keep my past from messing up this beautiful future I’m looking forward to. 

Anyway. When the same car passed by yesterday I just looked. Recognized. Smiled big and bright. Because memories can never be erased. They just don’t have to be brought to the forefront.

But I kept walking. I did not look back to see where the car may have gone. I kept it pushing.

The bible tells me to lay aside every weight. 

That weight almost destroyed my life. 

While loving a victorious man reminded me of a happier time with a man whom I once loved. Even though it was short lived for me not being able to love him for him. The interaction I walked away from yesterday was no light. It was different. It was fun from the devils playground that came to kill, steal, and destroy all my goodness. 

I love people. I don’t always give away my love. But I share it. Which makes interactions easy. Which makes it hard to say goodbye. Some people love hard. Every other April baby like me is full of life love and fun. Sometimes it’s hard to let go.

But. Now. The time has come to walk away. Doors closed and new chapters are begun.

My past had been such a hindrance to my future I never want to let it get close to me again. It was for learning. It was for new levels of understanding. and sometimes that’s all we need before we move on.

Because to be victorious you must find glory in the little things. Said one Janelle Monae.

And so I do. Walking away is liberating. But it is freedom in walking in victory!

I am waiting. 

I’ve never been the one to have to touch the fire to know that it burns. 

I’ve see others cry: I believe you.

So I know to stay the course and stay the distance.

That’s why I’m so candid about my life’s experiences. If you can avoid some of my pitfall mistakes all the best to you!

As a young woman the first guy my momma let me date was a man who looked more like LL Cool J, than he liked to admit. 

Always licking his lips. 

He was too fine. I had just moved to Boston. All the girls liked him. But I had been too busy beating guys off with a stick in Chicago with my “I’m staying a virgin until marriage” mindset.

Since he was a part of our religion my mother handed me the phone when he called me for the first time. We would talk for hours.

He would wake me up with beeper messages saying 143. Code for I love you back in the day. I’d reply the same. Before he went to school, and since I was homeschooled I was just working.

He would often meet me after school, at my job just to say hi.

He explained to me something that stayed with me all my life.

Some women you sleep with and some you marry. He also happened to not be an American man. So his mindset was bred outside the U.S. For 13 years before he moved here. 

I loved him.

He wanted to marry me. 

I was a virgin. 

We would go to sometimes 2 or three movies a week. What else was I supposed to do at 18 with all the money I was making, with no bills besides a cell phone and beeper bill, besides have a ball!

We balled out!

I didn’t marry him. I wanted to travel. I wanted to go to school. I wanted him to wait. He married someone else a year later. I was hurt. But I learned. 

I’ve read somewhere that women tend to get addicted to men once they deal with them intimately. It’s hard to assert your self when you are being intimate with someone you are afraid to let go of because you don’t even know you are low key addicted to them.

I learned. Because of always wanting to be the marrying type that the less I gave the more they gave in return. 

I watched other women taking care of men. I saw them giving them their bodies. I saw them having baby after baby for different guys and still with no ring and I wondered what was I going to do different when I got ready for an unplanned pregnancy, with my own daughter.

Sometimes I think of the family my daughter needs and deserves. The car breaking down the two times when she was only a couple months when I tried the family thing and we kept trying to go get our marriage license. His wedding band I’m sure her father got rid of. And I wonder how did I get him to commit to going the altar when so many others failed to.

I still don’t know. 

But when I am reminded of my aunt telling me to wait; I am thankful. 
Because in life we grow and change. And the things we are willing to accept changes with our value of self.

Now. With my walk with Christ. Living to love God my Father and please Him, I choose to live holy. 

I am thankful for the way I was raised. There is a strict call for holiness. Even if they don’t know Jesus as Jesus, and call him Michael. But those guidelines help me now that I love Him and know Him for real. Because what I used to work hard to do with my own might, abstinence, now it can only be achieved for real through the Holy Spirit. I just ask for God to keep me. I don’t want to fall anymore. So when those ways of escapes are made I’m running like Joseph did from Potiphers wife! 

No longer willing to make the same mistakes. No longer wanting to be devalued, misused, and left whenever another or better option becomes available for a boyfriend who won’t make me his wife.

I want better. I ask for better. And if someone isn’t willing to give then that’s just not the man God has for me. It’s okay. I was a preschool teacher for five years. I got a little practice with this patience thing. Now God is perfecting it!

So. I, like my favorite poet, am willing to wait! Her name is Janette-ikz. And she wrote a poem about waiting. I will wait for you. And when her husband came. He cried while she recited a poem to him.

Love! Gods love. It’s pure. Between man and woman supposed to be shared between husband and wife. 

So. Respect. Self. Love. Self. And watch how things can change. I know. I’m watching it through new eyes and all I can say is thank you lord! 

He did it for me! I know he can do it for you too!!

So now when a man tells me he wants to see me. I tell him what concert I want to attend and tell him to make plans. Chrisette Michelle is coming to town. In December. That’s how a couple of forevers starts. 

People have a hard time believing people can change. But God all things are possible with Him!

It starts within. It starts with accepting Christ as the head of my life and my personal savior. It starts with self love and self worth! Knowing I deserve the type of love I recieve from a perfect God who will teach my imperfect man how to love me His perfect way, through the words given in His word.

So I am watching and learning. Like a good researcher does. 

I don’t need to play with the fire the enemy is always sending to know that it will burn me.

I am waiting!

Help yourself, pray for others

I have a tendency to give my all to others leaving little for myself.

I give all the encouragement to the woman who feels defeated. And when she gets on her emotionally balanced feet to make moves she overlooks me.

Well praise God. Somebody will be blessed.

I spend my last money to help someone get to their destination. Or give someone something. Or take people places. And when I am in lack I can’t find them. They’ve created some offense in their mind to overlook the help God allowed me to give.

Well praise God! I hope they will pay it forward anyhow.

I am learning to be effective in taking care of me and my daughter.

So someone was vandalizing my car. I don’t do enemies. I livepeaceably  amongst men. These days. And only one person from my old life knows where I live that would have an ought against me. I mean The bible says when you live in peace even your enemies will bless you.

I should know. A woman who has tried on many occasions to harm me wound up giving me some much needed money not too long ago.

Praise God. I always get what I need. So forget what I seem to be expecting from man.

Anyway. I put my car away. I put it in hiding so whoever was vandalizing it wouldn’t be able to get to it. 

Anyway. One of the men in my neighborhood with an addiction was living in my car.

What in the world.

I roll my eyes, but really what can I say?

My heart goes out to those whose lives share similarities to my own.

I’ve struggles with my own addictions. Just mine weren’t debilitating enough to stop my progress in the world. Not too much anyway.

I understand now why I’ve lived this life. It is so God could create compassion in my heart. I no longer ask why.

That’s why.

Anyway. I kept invisioning him with a needle in his vein not breathing in the backseat of my car. I kept feeling a tug that I needed to get rid of the car. But was feelin bad that he would no longer have a place to sleep.

Anyway.

I give my car away to a charity. And all of his things were in my car. He had taken over.

In that moment I realized when you give a person an inch they take a yard. I can not enable a person when they sometimes need to hit rock bottom before they cry out to the one who can solve their problems permanently.

Oh Jesus. Out mediator. Praying in our behalf. Sitting next to God the Father on the throne. 

God the Son!

All I could do was pray on his behalf and ask Jesus to take the wheel. 

I asked my grandmother the night before if she’d seen him. 

He not family but he’s eaten in my grandmothers kitchen more times than some family members.

My grandmother was telling stories of how since her father worked for the  railroad they always had more money than most. She laughs about how she never ate beans like the rest of the kids, but she was given access to the town store to charge bologna or whatever else she wanted.

Because of the good heartedness of those who had, and because she knew of but no longer had to experience much lack, she watched her mother be generous with those who were hungry.

She follows the same tradition. 

She has taught me the same.

So when I ask about the man who was sleeping in my car, she tells me that an infection sent him to the hospital.

That opened the door for him to get into a treatment center.

And they are sending him away.

The correlation between me getting rid of my car, and his going to the treatment center may not seem like much of one. But only God knows the truth.

All I know is nothing. God teaches me all things. I know that I know nothing at all and that allows me the opportunity to learn something new, and relearn old information with a new twist. 

So. I am learning how to let God take care of those who refuse to help themselves. I am learning to take off my superwoman cape and that I can’t save the world until I accept the fact that my savior saved me.

And walk into his victory!

And I am learning how to be kind to myself. I am forever a student. One will never learn anything new if they think they know it all.

So. As I help myself. I pray for others. I am working on obedience. And I watch God continue to work on my behalf.

I got a free three day, two night vacation for a twenty year old car. I have options as to where I would like to go. Massachusetts is one of them, California is another. Thank you Lord! Obedience is really better than sacrifice!