I have a tendency to give my all to others leaving little for myself.

I give all the encouragement to the woman who feels defeated. And when she gets on her emotionally balanced feet to make moves she overlooks me.

Well praise God. Somebody will be blessed.

I spend my last money to help someone get to their destination. Or give someone something. Or take people places. And when I am in lack I can’t find them. They’ve created some offense in their mind to overlook the help God allowed me to give.

Well praise God! I hope they will pay it forward anyhow.

I am learning to be effective in taking care of me and my daughter.

So someone was vandalizing my car. I don’t do enemies. I livepeaceably  amongst men. These days. And only one person from my old life knows where I live that would have an ought against me. I mean The bible says when you live in peace even your enemies will bless you.

I should know. A woman who has tried on many occasions to harm me wound up giving me some much needed money not too long ago.

Praise God. I always get what I need. So forget what I seem to be expecting from man.

Anyway. I put my car away. I put it in hiding so whoever was vandalizing it wouldn’t be able to get to it. 

Anyway. One of the men in my neighborhood with an addiction was living in my car.

What in the world.

I roll my eyes, but really what can I say?

My heart goes out to those whose lives share similarities to my own.

I’ve struggles with my own addictions. Just mine weren’t debilitating enough to stop my progress in the world. Not too much anyway.

I understand now why I’ve lived this life. It is so God could create compassion in my heart. I no longer ask why.

That’s why.

Anyway. I kept invisioning him with a needle in his vein not breathing in the backseat of my car. I kept feeling a tug that I needed to get rid of the car. But was feelin bad that he would no longer have a place to sleep.

Anyway.

I give my car away to a charity. And all of his things were in my car. He had taken over.

In that moment I realized when you give a person an inch they take a yard. I can not enable a person when they sometimes need to hit rock bottom before they cry out to the one who can solve their problems permanently.

Oh Jesus. Out mediator. Praying in our behalf. Sitting next to God the Father on the throne. 

God the Son!

All I could do was pray on his behalf and ask Jesus to take the wheel. 

I asked my grandmother the night before if she’d seen him. 

He not family but he’s eaten in my grandmothers kitchen more times than some family members.

My grandmother was telling stories of how since her father worked for the  railroad they always had more money than most. She laughs about how she never ate beans like the rest of the kids, but she was given access to the town store to charge bologna or whatever else she wanted.

Because of the good heartedness of those who had, and because she knew of but no longer had to experience much lack, she watched her mother be generous with those who were hungry.

She follows the same tradition. 

She has taught me the same.

So when I ask about the man who was sleeping in my car, she tells me that an infection sent him to the hospital.

That opened the door for him to get into a treatment center.

And they are sending him away.

The correlation between me getting rid of my car, and his going to the treatment center may not seem like much of one. But only God knows the truth.

All I know is nothing. God teaches me all things. I know that I know nothing at all and that allows me the opportunity to learn something new, and relearn old information with a new twist. 

So. I am learning how to let God take care of those who refuse to help themselves. I am learning to take off my superwoman cape and that I can’t save the world until I accept the fact that my savior saved me.

And walk into his victory!

And I am learning how to be kind to myself. I am forever a student. One will never learn anything new if they think they know it all.

So. As I help myself. I pray for others. I am working on obedience. And I watch God continue to work on my behalf.

I got a free three day, two night vacation for a twenty year old car. I have options as to where I would like to go. Massachusetts is one of them, California is another. Thank you Lord! Obedience is really better than sacrifice!

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