I fell in love with a Victor. Full of victory he is. Just one little problem.

I fell in love with him because he reminded me of my first love.

I finally gave my first love the old heave ho. Almost no social media. Well maybe a little attention on IG, but I’m rarely on that anyway.

We probably would have been happily married, with many babies. Except for one thing. 

He’s Muslim. 

I could never get past my belief that Jesus is God’s Son. Now I know He is the Son of God. Now I know he has the fullness of God dwelling within him. Now I know him for myself. But even back when I was a teenager. I knew he had to be more than just a prophet who had little significance to the larger scheme of things as my love was trying to teach me.

How can two walk together unless they agree on the direction.

Then. I meet an almost version of him. Who grew up in a Christian household. I thought I hit the jack pot. 

Only he wasn’t him.

The problem I realized was in letting go. Letting go of my ties to the past. How can I walk into new doors unless I close old ones.

Because if the doors aren’t closed and my ears are keen to listening for somebody from the past calling me back, I just may go back and get stuck.

I just learned this lesson. For real. This past summer.

So yesterday. I am walking from my job to my assignment. 

I see someone from my past. Second week in a row I happen to see this same person. I am hoping it was coincidence. 

The week before they blew and shouted my name. Well my nick name. My hood name. I knew it was someone from my past life. Matter of fact I knew who it was before the message came through into my facebook inbox.

You could’ve spoke, they said. 

You should’ve stopped, I replied.

Then I blocked and deleted. My past should be behind me! So I’m pushing it out the door.

Why is it the people who know they should keep it moving from the way they treated you, and haven’t repented before God always try and make it seem like you have the problem with them. 

Those manipulation tactics.

No I gave it to God, already. But. I would rather keep my past from messing up this beautiful future I’m looking forward to. 

Anyway. When the same car passed by yesterday I just looked. Recognized. Smiled big and bright. Because memories can never be erased. They just don’t have to be brought to the forefront.

But I kept walking. I did not look back to see where the car may have gone. I kept it pushing.

The bible tells me to lay aside every weight. 

That weight almost destroyed my life. 

While loving a victorious man reminded me of a happier time with a man whom I once loved. Even though it was short lived for me not being able to love him for him. The interaction I walked away from yesterday was no light. It was different. It was fun from the devils playground that came to kill, steal, and destroy all my goodness. 

I love people. I don’t always give away my love. But I share it. Which makes interactions easy. Which makes it hard to say goodbye. Some people love hard. Every other April baby like me is full of life love and fun. Sometimes it’s hard to let go.

But. Now. The time has come to walk away. Doors closed and new chapters are begun.

My past had been such a hindrance to my future I never want to let it get close to me again. It was for learning. It was for new levels of understanding. and sometimes that’s all we need before we move on.

Because to be victorious you must find glory in the little things. Said one Janelle Monae.

And so I do. Walking away is liberating. But it is freedom in walking in victory!

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