I had to stop asking God to deliver me from crazy. I just need the fruitages of the spirit. The Holy Spirit. One of which is self control. Because sometimes I have to go crazy in warfare prayers to pull down the high things that try and exalt themselves above God!

This woman who used to go hard in life, now knows the weapons of my warfare are not carnal. Because I don’t wrestle with flesh and blood. So now I go hard in prayer!!

God will fight for me. But faith without works is dead. So I have to do something. Pray without ceasing. Out loud.

So what happens when one is attacked? 

Some choose to retaliate. Some choose to speak ill of the person. Some want to check and correct. 

I am learning to pray. I am learning to speak up and let light shine and emanate. I am learning that not every thing needs a reaction.

Some people throw their shady shade behind smiles and think that an innocent face won’t notice. Innocent faces get bred in the streets because bad guys love good girls and love even more so to teach them the games people play all their lives because of a life of misery and bitterness.

They choose to be bitter instead of being better.

I am learning that disrespect is not personal. 

People treat others the way they feel about themselves. Their perception of people is really their inner view of self. Happy people tend to think everyone is happy. Messy people think everyone is gossiping behind other folks backs.

Some people keep the word of God near and know. One of the seven things that’s detestable to God is someone who sows discord amongst brothers. Or causes conflict in a community. Not alternative lifestyles they quick to throw shade at. But that last one is the seventh thing God hates!

Proverbs 6:19 if you don’t believe me.

I have noticed there is a community of women that believe if they make a single and available woman look bad that will make them look good. I’m a tomboy. I ran with the boys. I heard the stories.

Men see messy women and want to distance themselves from them. Unless they actually have more feminine traits and characteristics than male. A man doesn’t want a woman constantly calling up her friend talking about everyone else’s business. How is she going to take care of her own?!? How is she going to push that man to be great constantly talking about some mess?? I thought we flushed mess down the toilet? I mean doesn’t the word of God says that it’s not what goes into a mans mouth that defiles him but what comes out.

See I can eat all the bacon I want to. It’s going to have health effects God wants me to steer clear from but it doesn’t make me unclean. 

A dirty nasty heart pushing dirty nasty words about Gods people who He sees as the righteousness of Christ Jesus is what is unclean.

See. Women that stay dogging, or cattily speaking negatively of other women are like birds. Flocking together. Or rather like pigeons. Stooping. And someone’s disrespect won’t get me to come to their level.

Like this gospel CD that stays in rotation by Jonathan McReynolds. One of the songs is called Stay High!! Imma be praying and reading my word. To stay High. The Most High. Keeps me hidden and safe under His wings!!!

HE is faithful. Even when I am not. Going off in my mind. SAYING A euphemism or two in my inner thoughts. But God is faithful. He got this. 

I don’t even need to acknowledge the ugly. Ugly words said. Coming out a heart in need of healing and cleansing. Like all of ours. We all fall short. And since I KNOW mine does I try to remember to ask daily for God to cleanse and heal my heart and renew the right spirit in me. I never want anything to be about me.

Not what someone forgot to do. Or what I wanted someone to do. Or what I wanted to do. I want Gods will to be done. Whatsoever he wants done in me and through me. 

Making sacrifices not because sacrifices are special to Him. But because the relationship I have now is one of having a desire to be pleasing to him! 

Had it not been for that. When I was asked to carry out an assignment that had me front and center in front of people. I would have said no. But for Gods glory I will do anything. For the spotlight to be on Him. I’ll do it, say it, perform it.

He’s done too much for me not to!

I love, LOVE, the people I left behind. The people that delete me off their Facebook page because I go to church. But I still speak because I hope one day they join me and find the truth like I did. That they have a desire to want to know more than what they’ve been taught.

But God. 

Until then I’m patient. I can deal with perceived disrespect. They disrespecting my flesh, but can’t disrespect the spirit of God in me. He will deal with all that.

So. Yes. God has changed me. Women need each other. And not the  same ole comfort zone that allows them to stay stagnant in the same place but people who push for growth and changes. 

I am praying for us all. Because we all are running this race to make it. 

And with a new heart and healing we shall!


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