I have been looking for my uncle.

I know he struggles with some things. After a couple of situations left him in a state of depravity, he was never the same.

If I feed strangers, how can I not find family who may be hungry?

So on break. Asking the group of men who sit in an area of a place I know he frequents and they know him. As the wine bibbler, one says to me. 

We can choose our friends, but can’t choose our family.

I see him. I’m watching him interact. I could shed tears that flow rivers of feeling into a changed heart waiting for more new growth. But I stand still. I’m strength, embodied.

Sometimes family leaves one by the way side. Sometimes they watch your demise. Sometimes they speak on it. And never do anything to help as if they hoped for it.

Anyway.

I tell him who I am and he hugs me. A dirty coat with wine stains, stench of urine and I’m saddened. Why do people get left behind? Do they want to be? Have they felt such a hurt and pain to believe they no longer deserve better?

Anyway. I’m talking with him and a man, large in belly and stature approaches, tries to interrupt.

I ignored him. He persists. I shut him down. I let him know it is rude to interrupt. I’m sure he sees the outer man and feels he can disrespect him but I don’t care who I am talking to. When my attention is on that person, it’s on that person, and I don’t like for others to intrude on that. I was firm but kind. No hint of a smile, lest he think I was playing. 

Simple rules of respect.

But the man doesn’t like that. As I bring my uncle his tray, the man gets to subtly threatening me. Telling me I should watch who I talk to because I don’t know who people are and what associations they are connected to.

I know organizations like to use clout. But Jesus. That’s who I know.

Well. Sir. I say. I believe it is rude to interrupt another person while they are having a conversation. 

I don’t scare easily I continue. I serve a God. 

I have had guns pointed at me. Cars ricocheting at mine. Been in a few unsafe places I placed myself in. But God saved me then. You can’t scare me, because God got me. Then I speak on Jesus. 

He then starts spewing hate towards Jesus. Stomping the ground. Talking about we killed him before, we will do it again. I heard people like this existed. I just never met a real live one. Then he gets to talking about Osirus and Other Egyptian gods. 

Of course I rebuke the devil. I apply and plead the blood of Jesus. 

But I see the hollowed out darkness around his eyes. I see something in him that wickedness has a hold on. I am not moved.

The more he tries to convince me of why I should watch the movies that provide insight, and read the books the angrier he gets, the calmer I stay.

God keeps me stayed in perfect peace.

My uncle can’t even enjoy his food  for jumping up trying to defend me. But it’s alright. Fear not. I haven’t been given a spirit of fear but of power love and a sound mind!

God got me!

Fortunately for me I only get a thirty minute break on Sundays and my bus was coming so I broke free. 

I looked back at two men lost in their darkness, both refusing to accept what Jesus did to save us. 

I don’t need to get angry anymore. Or fold in shame or condemnation from my past life. I have no need to worry or fear. God told me when I read Joshua to go and be bold and courageous. The word is alive. It still speaks today.

And like I told the man. I don’t get my information from man, nor trust any man. I trust God and He shows me who he has entrusted to give me information. Because. I will ask God to show me if the information is true. And He does. 

Leaning not on my own understanding I humble myself to ask God to clarify. And He will! And I am blessed!!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s