We connect to people based on a commonality.
Our common interests keep us interesting to one another. And interests create dividends that help us cross the dividing line.
That’s really why I’m single.
My Pastor was preaching at bible study and the Holy Spirit moved him to say, the reason why you are single is because God can’t trust you around someone. His finger was pointing. It felt like it was pointing right at me. And I had to evaluate.
Let me think about that? Lord is that me?
It was. Lust was a real struggle. And then. Somebody. Made me fall in love. And then broke my heart. And then I knew. I can’t trust anyone but Jesus with my heart.
And when I give him my heart He will hold onto it until the man that comes to Him for it and asks for instructions on how to get it.
I wrote a piece a while back like why would I cheat on Jesus? And I forgot my stance. Oh but that heartbreak reminded me.
He keeps me, and provides a way of escape for me. And because I knew I had my own struggles I chose to stay away from men during my season of change and deliverance. Until.
Him. And I raked coal into my bosom. And the fire. Was too hot to handle. And then I fell back into the arms of my savior with a promise.
Like the promise I been holding onto about not blowing trees like the breeze anymore. That’s been a three year promise I’ve been keeping!
It’s better to not make a vow to God than make one and not keep it. And fear of The Lord is the beginning of understanding. So I fear making a promise and not keeping it.
I have been at my church for three years in January. Not one man that attends my church can say we were talking. Only one person ever asked me out and I said no repeatedly. And to top that off I have a best friend. Who is a male. And I truly love him without crossing unwritten but understated boundaries.
So. The lust that used to control me has been given to my savior because He is the best at saving me.
So why am I single?
When so many single and handsome men work with me? Make sure I get home safely. And check in on me from time to time?
Since people see each other in each other. I will only really attract someone when we have similarities.
In my broken state, I tend to attract broken people. They see my brokenness reflected in their broken states and my similarities attract me to them.
I don’t want a broken man. I am working on walking into my wholeness. I am tired of nursing someone back to health, they get their strength and since they can’t see themselves in me anymore they no longer see the attraction. Or if he is not ready to grow with me, he will find. A problem in my changes. When I gain my self confidence and walk into the strength I embody his insecurities will rise.
I have seen both situations happen.
I have watched it happen from the broken men that have tried to tie me down in manipulation, control and the seeming never ending circle of abuse that came from me not knowing my worth and attracting men who see that and want to capitalize on that.
I can wait. I want to wait. I want to be whole. When my broken pieces are put all together and begin to reflect the magnificent light of Gods glory then all the terrible things I have overcome will begin to make sense to me.
See I am reminded that all things work for the good of those who love God! And oh I am in love!!
So. I said before I am waiting. Now this is an understanding of why. Becoming comfortable and sure about me, my purpose, and Gods will for my life is what I want to see revealed in my life.
And sometimes if you take the cake out the oven before it’s ready and it looks ready it falls flat. Or it’s still wet in the inside and can’t be eaten. So no. I don’t want to look ready for a relationship. I want to be ready!
Right now though. My singleness can be used to give God glory in a way me being in a relationship won’t be able to compare to.
But why compare what can never be the same?
So. I still pursue the mark of the higher calling. Running a good race, the end result is to win the prize. Delighting in suffering that produces endurance which comes from my perseverance. Yes God! I just want to hear Him say, well done my good and faithful servant.
No longer desiring to fulfill my wants. Wants are temporary. No one can ever fulfill all their wants. But if I fill my voids with God them I have learned whatever state I am in to find contentment.
Yes. I am content! Gods will being done in my life. And I say Yes!