Let’s talk about honesty.Honesty and integrity when dealing with others.

Honesty, integrity, and loyalty when dealing with the opposite sex.

I watch people who claim to be or have a best friend get little ( be gone) when the friends new love interest comes around. This goes for those who call people brothers/sisters, cousins, or whatever because of not having courage. Or rather the humility to let someone know you are interested. 

What if they don’t share the same interest. What if they tell someone.

So what?

It’s life. Live it without regrets. And pray for discernment that you are interested in a person who knows how to be discreet. And reflects the discretion you carry within yourself. 

Remember we are a reflection of the things we are attracted to.

I mean all I’m saying is don’t get friend zoned.

I had a best friend turned boyfriend once. The longest relationship I was ever in. There was no fighting. There was mutual respect and understanding. There was love. Because love built on trust and respect turns into something greater.

But he didn’t operate in deceit. He didn’t like me in the beginning. It took a transformation (of mine), and a sweet potato pie for his birthday before he became interested. But as soon as I felt the shift he told me, he didn’t wait and act in cowardice. See before hand he listened to me talk about the guy I was interested in. Quietly. Giving good advice. And even after we got together and I was confused about whether I should choose him or the one I had been dating, he was willing to take a step back and let me pursue the other relationship because his love for me was unconditional. Not based on what I had to give him, or what he wanted to gain.

See I have had people play the friend role, then slip in outings that they secretly calling dates. And then give me the googly eyes.

We are friends. Stop it.

Be bold enough to state your intentions so I can let you know early that’s not how I feel, or maybe it is.

But I’m usually bold and blunt. I won’t pretend to be someone’s friend when I am interested. I don’t want to hear about your love interests and I’ll tell you why. 

Because if I was your girlfriend…

Someone got mad at me. He could no longer carry out his role as my friend because when he had the chance to tell me he was interested someone else was showing it. 

Someone is always interested. Someone is always calling. 

I get to choose who. 

Who will be the best fit for my daughter and I. Because she’s just as much a part of the equation as I am.

Anyway. Someone else saw what Common says in his song The Light. It don’t take a whole day to recognize sunshine. I opened up. I blossomed. And he decided to pursue something. And my friend got mad. Couldn’t even be a friend when I got hurt in the situation. But had he been honest and let me know he was interested, instead of constantly talking about the guy that was for me, he would have had the opportunity to see if I could’ve been the one.

But. Loyalty is everything. And a person that turns their back on me in my time of need when I have done nothing to physically or verbally hurt them, has shown their true colors and for that I am thankful.

So. Maybe my sisters have made this too easy for men. 

Always throwing themselves at them. Turning our backs on each other or cattily in our interactions with one another for the affection of a man. Throwing one another under the bus to make ourselves look as if we shining in there spotlight when we see his eyes connecting dots with another woman. Or tearing her name down hoping she wi be like Eve manipulating that man to see things her way when she needs to be pointing him to God, asking God to order his steps and praying. So now brothers don’t know how to pursue a lady. They don’t know how to act around a lady. A woman who won’t pursue a man. A woman who will be wooed, pursued, and courted. 

Whatever my past contained it did not contain me running behind a man, trying to make him love me when he wanted to be somewhere else. Talking bad about another sister that may have been a good for for him. Because anyone knows if a man choose someone that’s not a good fit he will eventually make ways to get out of her way and go back to pursue what he wanted in the jest place before being blind sighted and deceived. My thoughts are; If you want someone else go. I know my worth enough to know you’ll probably be back here like a few others have been crying for me to give you another chance. But. IT’s all in how one ends a thing. How much integrity does one operate in?

I believe a man should be a man. He should make choices. He should pursue. But women that make themselves so available playing the friend role, sister role, or whatever role waiting for vulnerability doesn’t let that man do what he needs to do as a man, which is take a stand, a choose what he wants. Not just what had been made easy for him.

So. Friends. Don’t get zoned. Level out your clear intentions so both people can feel safe in the interaction. 

It’s all in the name and sake of love!

Because we can’t build up our community until we first build up our family structure!

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