It all begins with a thought. 

The bible, the good book, the word of God, also called Jesus. The Master’s words. Talks about the sort of people that say one thing. But think in their hearts another. It’s not what people say. It’s not what they do. They’ll give you food and drink and be like, you saw how they ate all my food and didn’t give me anything. But if you do something from the heart, why must someone give you something in return? 

They say one thing. They think another. And the good book says for as he thinks in his heart, so is he.

I had a crush. I lost it when I saw him wanting to be part of the in crowd. You can’t see who these people are?, I wondered out loud.

I need a Joseph man who has the leading of God to know where to go, who to trust, and not an Ahab, or a Samson getting deceived by a woman again. Like the first man. I mean didn’t we learn about the first man in genesis? The beginning.

No shade. But why fit in when you were created to lead and stand out, not fall in line. Doing things everyone else does.

So. My thoughts. This man will lead. The in crowd will fall into subjection to the Lord, because every knee will bend, and every tongue shall confess Jesus is Lord.

But right now.

Like last year maybe.

I’ve always had a thing for pretty eyed men. Everyone has a weakness and that’s mine. 

Maybe it was my first crush. He rode my back as a baby. Terrorized me with all his animals. He may have scared me with a leg less grasshopper or two. Asked for my hand in marriage when I was only four or five. We grew up almost together. I thought I had my first kiss at 15, he said it was at a toddling tot age under someone’s table.

That’s why watching kids is so important.

Anyway though. His hazel eyes stayed around me long enough, from childhood, a couple years in adolescence, and a lot in adulthood. And since we never became anything more than friends I looked for those eyes in others.

And here I come in contact with Mr. Pretty eyes. Last year.

And since I don’t get too close to strangers, since I met him years before I figured why not give love a try.

And we did. And I loved hard. And he respected my boundaries. And I loved harder. For a teal ribbon woman boundaries are so necessary. And men that respect boundaries are keepers, because besides that interacting with men had been a little scary.

Anyway. He loved me. He loved my baby. I had keys to all types of things sooner than expected.

Just one problem.

He would get dead drunk every day.

Every day, bae?

But I had some things I used to do.

Like roll up my Bs, drink lean, smoke squares, get drunk.

Where’s this hypocrisy coming from.

Oh. This religious mindset I’ve been carrying all my life living like a sadducee and a Pharisee. And recently gotten introduced back to because some people don’t believe certain things are supposed to be talked about. But I thought it was our testimony and the blood of the lamb we are overcome by. Who am I keeping this in for? Someone else’s level of comfort? When people need to be set free? 

Anyway. We had a situation. I let get out of hand. The egging on of single women. The anger in my heart from the past, and men. And I told him, I can’t do this. You get drunk everyday. I can’t do this.

But Noah got drunk.

Remember. The story did not speak of Gods discipline towards Noah. Noah spoke, and it became. It was against Noah’s son. 

I will never begin to imagine what Noah went through in that ark. Can you imagine the smell. The fear of the rain. There had never been rain before. The complaints of the family. He heard the promise, they didn’t. But let’s go back to this smell. All those animals. Pooping daily. Guess who probably got seasick with the smell and swaying of the ark. Anyone of them. The restriction. The trauma of being in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar things, for an unfamiliar length of time through unfamiliar circumstances. How stressful that must’ve been.

Yes. I might imagine how one may take a drink or two after something so stressful. Not to mention all the rejection before the downpour came. Not to mention the family and friends he lost.

I thought about that and realized how selfish I had been. 

I have no right to judge a persons lifestyle at any point of their walk and journey. Only the one who delivers knows when a person is ready to let go of certain things. The most important thing is to keep on walking with him. Not trying to be something you’re not because everyone else is that. When you are authentically rue to your process you get what you need. But if you’re true to someone else’s journey you get nothing because their journey leads them to what they are supposed to be. Therefore the author and finisher of their faith gets them to their next level.

I mean it’s like a monkey swinging. If that monkey lets go of one vine before it grabs a hold of the next one then it falls. 

Keep fighting, but know that God sets us free in his time, and whom the Son sets free is free indeed. And his time means it happened on cavalry, so really it’s about whenever we decide to accept the freedom. Some of us have been rejected so much acceptance is hard, even when it comes from God. I know first hand!

Noah got drunk, and so did my bae, and so what.

I’ve only been called to love. The art of love. Living to love on purpose, for my destiny, watching and waiting for God’s  will to be done.

And it is so. 

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